Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
The Grim Reaper used to be an angsty Goth rebel... pasty complexion, dressed all in black, thought of nothing except death. Nowadays he wears a business suit and is clearly only in it for the money. Looks like he's souled out.
My sister's become desperate; she recently spent money on a want-ad, looking for a husband. I don't think it'll do any good... my brother-in-law covered his tracks too well.
Certain selections that come out of vending machines are rumored to cause tumors. Don't be too concerned about it, though... most of them are B9.
My buddy asked for a glass of water; I brought him a glass of ice. I'm always ready to do him a solid.
The hobbits Merry and Pippin drove a herd of Ents into battle against the evil wizard Saruman. You could hear their famous war cry above the din of combat: "Run, Forest, Run!"
I was the loneliest youngster in my neighborhood. Even my imaginary friend played with the kids across the street.
Some thief has been stealing the wheels off squad cars. Cops are working tirelessly to find him.
My dentist told me that my teeth are like a string of pearls. What he meant was that each one has a hole through the center.
According to the old saying, a woman's work is never done. That's probably why they're paid so much less than men.
Recording: "Hello, this is the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly."
Q: How many Paris Hiltons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one to hold it in place while the world revolves around her.
It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a Viking to raze a village.
My rock collection isn't worth much money but it does have sedimental value.
Patient: "Doc, all my boys want to be valets at a restaurant! Should I find that disturbing?
Psychiatrist: "Indeed you should. Parking sons syndrome is no joke."
When I saw the enemy army lined up on the other side of the battlefield, I had to ponder the uselessness of war. But as soon as they began their bayonet charge, I got the point.
A motorcycle cop sees a blonde tootling along at the wheel of a convertible and is dismayed to notice that she's preoccupied with knitting. He immediately zooms up alongside her and hollers, "Pull over!"
"Nope!" she responds chirpily, holding up the yarn for him to see. "Wool socks!"
I once got so drunk I lost my balance and fell all the way down an up escalator. It was the most humiliating two hours of my life.
Never mind Deadpool... Kool Aid Man is the most meta personality. He breaks the fourth wall every time he's onscreen.
A rod cell fell in love with a cone cell and they soon married. This was followed by a light reception.
Q: What does it mean when the post office flies its flag at half staff?
A: That they're now hiring.
I was driving down the road when I noticed a hippy hitch-hiker holding up a sign reading "Paradise". I wanted to oblige him, so I ran him over.
Time heals all wounds. Then it kills you.
* * *
My sister's become desperate; she recently spent money on a want-ad, looking for a husband. I don't think it'll do any good... my brother-in-law covered his tracks too well.
* * *
Certain selections that come out of vending machines are rumored to cause tumors. Don't be too concerned about it, though... most of them are B9.
* * *
My buddy asked for a glass of water; I brought him a glass of ice. I'm always ready to do him a solid.
* * *
The hobbits Merry and Pippin drove a herd of Ents into battle against the evil wizard Saruman. You could hear their famous war cry above the din of combat: "Run, Forest, Run!"
* * *
I was the loneliest youngster in my neighborhood. Even my imaginary friend played with the kids across the street.
* * *
Some thief has been stealing the wheels off squad cars. Cops are working tirelessly to find him.
* * *
My dentist told me that my teeth are like a string of pearls. What he meant was that each one has a hole through the center.
* * *
According to the old saying, a woman's work is never done. That's probably why they're paid so much less than men.
* * *
Recording: "Hello, this is the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly."
* * *
Q: How many Paris Hiltons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one to hold it in place while the world revolves around her.
* * *
It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a Viking to raze a village.
* * *
My rock collection isn't worth much money but it does have sedimental value.
* * *
Patient: "Doc, all my boys want to be valets at a restaurant! Should I find that disturbing?
Psychiatrist: "Indeed you should. Parking sons syndrome is no joke."
* * *
When I saw the enemy army lined up on the other side of the battlefield, I had to ponder the uselessness of war. But as soon as they began their bayonet charge, I got the point.
* * *
A motorcycle cop sees a blonde tootling along at the wheel of a convertible and is dismayed to notice that she's preoccupied with knitting. He immediately zooms up alongside her and hollers, "Pull over!"
"Nope!" she responds chirpily, holding up the yarn for him to see. "Wool socks!"
* * *
I once got so drunk I lost my balance and fell all the way down an up escalator. It was the most humiliating two hours of my life.
* * *
Never mind Deadpool... Kool Aid Man is the most meta personality. He breaks the fourth wall every time he's onscreen.
* * *
A rod cell fell in love with a cone cell and they soon married. This was followed by a light reception.
* * *
Q: What does it mean when the post office flies its flag at half staff?
A: That they're now hiring.
* * *
I was driving down the road when I noticed a hippy hitch-hiker holding up a sign reading "Paradise". I wanted to oblige him, so I ran him over.
* * *
Time heals all wounds. Then it kills you.
