Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Little is known about the ancient city of Uruk, but most scholars agree that its water supply probably came from two now-dried up river beds, those being the Gan-dar in the west and the Guza in the east. They're convinced, too, that a single large lake fed both these mighty waterways; what's source the Guza's source for the Gan-dar.
Q: What was Obi-Wan doing on Tatooine all those years?
A: Cultivating a plot of marijuana. He knew how important it was to have the high ground.
Ronald McDonald has a place in the ghetto. He calls it "m'crib".
I tried to reform my pervy uncle by asking him what he thought comes after death. I should have known better... he told me, "A necropheliac."
Hear about the wall that fell in love with another wall? They could always be seen meeting in the corner.
Ever been at the wheel of a car and had to pee so bad that you pulled over to the side of the road to relieve yourself? That happened to me once. I recommend you fight that urge... the driving instructor is sure to take off points.
Hear about the priest who marched out onto a battlefield to stop war? He was cannonized for his heroism.
My mother gave birth to me two months early. Mighty inconsiderate of her... I'd have preferred it if she'd waited until I was in my twenties.
Q: How do you make a Belgian waffle?
A: Give him two unappealing alternatives.
I used to cry during sex; very, very embarrassing. Fortunately I've now gotten used to pepper spray.
She: "How'd you like cod for lunch?"
He: "Sounds great!"
She: "Want it battered?"
He: "No, I'm not mad at it or anything. Kill it humanely."
My wife says I'm a cheapskate. Sorry, I just can't buy that.
I hear that Tiger Woods plays 18 holes every day! Yet somehow, he still finds time for golf!
Darth Vader could have become a Jedi master, but he chose the Dark Side instead. I can appreciate why: being called Master Vader would have been terrible for his prestige.
"Says here in the paper that the Wonka Factory is branching out into white chocolate."
"And you can have it! I ain't eating congealed white glop from any willy wanker!"
I've had two cases of mono this year. The doctor has upgraded my condition to stereo.
Q: How are the different sections of the International Space Station held together?
A: By employing astro-knots.
By the end of World War II, the ranks of the German army were growing thin. That's why der Fuhrer created the Hitler Youth... he was trying to tie the Eastern Front back together with little Nazis.
Most male dancers wear loose fitting trousers. They're preferable for the ball room.
Blonde: "I deserve a mathematics prize! I've figured out how to make seven an even number!"
Brunette: "Really? What's the secret?"
Blonde: "It's so simple! Just remove the 's'!"
The numbers 2 and 3 fell in love and got married. Unhappily, their offspring, 6, became a junvile delinquent. The parents were disappointed but philosophical about it.
"He's not a bad boy," papa would say. "He's just a product of our times."
Supplicant: "Father, I need your advice. My greatest desire is to live for all eternity."
Priest: "Then I recommend you get married, my son."
Supplicant: "And that will ensure that I live forever?"
Priest: "No. But it'll kill the desire."
* * *
Q: What was Obi-Wan doing on Tatooine all those years?
A: Cultivating a plot of marijuana. He knew how important it was to have the high ground.
* * *
Ronald McDonald has a place in the ghetto. He calls it "m'crib".
* * *
I tried to reform my pervy uncle by asking him what he thought comes after death. I should have known better... he told me, "A necropheliac."
* * *
Hear about the wall that fell in love with another wall? They could always be seen meeting in the corner.
* * *
Ever been at the wheel of a car and had to pee so bad that you pulled over to the side of the road to relieve yourself? That happened to me once. I recommend you fight that urge... the driving instructor is sure to take off points.
* * *
Hear about the priest who marched out onto a battlefield to stop war? He was cannonized for his heroism.
* * *
My mother gave birth to me two months early. Mighty inconsiderate of her... I'd have preferred it if she'd waited until I was in my twenties.
* * *
Q: How do you make a Belgian waffle?
A: Give him two unappealing alternatives.
* * *
I used to cry during sex; very, very embarrassing. Fortunately I've now gotten used to pepper spray.
* * *
She: "How'd you like cod for lunch?"
He: "Sounds great!"
She: "Want it battered?"
He: "No, I'm not mad at it or anything. Kill it humanely."
* * *
My wife says I'm a cheapskate. Sorry, I just can't buy that.
* * *
I hear that Tiger Woods plays 18 holes every day! Yet somehow, he still finds time for golf!
* * *
Darth Vader could have become a Jedi master, but he chose the Dark Side instead. I can appreciate why: being called Master Vader would have been terrible for his prestige.
* * *
"Says here in the paper that the Wonka Factory is branching out into white chocolate."
"And you can have it! I ain't eating congealed white glop from any willy wanker!"
* * *
I've had two cases of mono this year. The doctor has upgraded my condition to stereo.
* * *
Q: How are the different sections of the International Space Station held together?
A: By employing astro-knots.
* * *
By the end of World War II, the ranks of the German army were growing thin. That's why der Fuhrer created the Hitler Youth... he was trying to tie the Eastern Front back together with little Nazis.
* * *
Most male dancers wear loose fitting trousers. They're preferable for the ball room.
* * *
Blonde: "I deserve a mathematics prize! I've figured out how to make seven an even number!"
Brunette: "Really? What's the secret?"
Blonde: "It's so simple! Just remove the 's'!"
* * *
The numbers 2 and 3 fell in love and got married. Unhappily, their offspring, 6, became a junvile delinquent. The parents were disappointed but philosophical about it.
"He's not a bad boy," papa would say. "He's just a product of our times."
* * *
Supplicant: "Father, I need your advice. My greatest desire is to live for all eternity."
Priest: "Then I recommend you get married, my son."
Supplicant: "And that will ensure that I live forever?"
Priest: "No. But it'll kill the desire."
