Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
After years of worry, I had a doctor check my left leg for abnormalities... turns out I'm double jointed at my hip, knee and ankle! Why did I wait so long to find out? I could kick myself!
True believer: "Still don't believe in God, huh? Why, you can find evidence for His existence in every corner of the Earth!"
Atheist: "Devout types are so old fashioned! You must be one of the few people who doesn't know the Earth is round!"
In spite of being universally dumped on, the 2003 movie "The Room" is watched and enjoyed by millions. The only question I have is: Wiseau?
Q: Which religion do most firefighters belong to?
A: The Church of Ladder Day Saints.
No matter how I try to assert myself, each time I have sex with my girl I wind up on the bottom. Why oh why do I screw up so much?
Q: A Tibetan monk opens a tub of margarine and sees the face of Jesus miraculously formed into the surface. What is his reaction?
A: "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
My five-year-old told me she's totally in love with Mickey Mouse, so I immediately booked a flight to Disneyland! She'll be so interested to hear about it when I get back!
Brunette: "Why are you just sitting there? This is a once in a lifetime event! The Sun is in eclipse!"
Blonde: "I know. I went outside to check it out, but the darn Moon got in the way!"
The super-warrior Achilles was practically unkillable and would be fighting even today if an arrow hadn't hit him in his one vulnerable spot: his heel! What a leg-end!
I may deserve a humanitarian award! There I was, walking through the woods, when I came across a baby bird which had fallen from a nest at the top of a high tree! So what did I do? I immediately put him back! Only took five throws!
The difference between the government and organized crime: not both of them are organized.
No matter what I do with my mouse, my computer won't point out anything except profanity. I think the cursor must be stuck.
Brunette: "Did you read this amazing article? It's all about a gorilla who uses sign language!"
Blonde: "That's so sad!"
Brunette: "Sad? What in the world is there in this report that would make you sad!"
Blonde: "How long's he gonna last in the jungle if he's deaf?"
This novel's a sure Pulitzer Prize winner: a heartfelt examination of an old blind man and the system he develops in order to get used to his new surroundings! It's touching stuff!
The Wachowskis originally wanted Will Smith to play Neo in "The Matrix". If he'd gotten the part, Keanu Reeves might have had to star in "The Wild, Wild West". Man, Keanu dodged a bullet that time!
Q: In the Star Wars universe, Ani is short for Anikan. Ben is short of Obi-Wan. Artoo is short of R2D2. Chewy is short of Chewbacca. If all that is true, what's Luke short for?
A: A Stormtrooper.
I took my kid to the opening of the new Legoland! What a crowd; people were lined up for blocks!
Brunette: "How did you like your first day at the dairy?"
Blonde: "It was okay. Sure is a lonely job, though."
Brunette: "Didn't you have any coworkers?"
Blonde: "I didn't see any. I guess none of the cows needed to be orked today."
I used to play triangle in a reggae band. What frustrating work! Just one damn ting after another!
A: Why should you never trust someone who chronically farts?
B: You can count on him being a gas lighter.
Hey, I finally got a look at Schrodinger's cat! Saw him on an old episode of "Wanted: Dead and Alive"!
Sign in front of urinal: "Stand closer. It's shorter than you think."
* * *
True believer: "Still don't believe in God, huh? Why, you can find evidence for His existence in every corner of the Earth!"
Atheist: "Devout types are so old fashioned! You must be one of the few people who doesn't know the Earth is round!"
* * *
In spite of being universally dumped on, the 2003 movie "The Room" is watched and enjoyed by millions. The only question I have is: Wiseau?
* * *
Q: Which religion do most firefighters belong to?
A: The Church of Ladder Day Saints.
* * *
No matter how I try to assert myself, each time I have sex with my girl I wind up on the bottom. Why oh why do I screw up so much?
* * *
Q: A Tibetan monk opens a tub of margarine and sees the face of Jesus miraculously formed into the surface. What is his reaction?
A: "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
* * *
My five-year-old told me she's totally in love with Mickey Mouse, so I immediately booked a flight to Disneyland! She'll be so interested to hear about it when I get back!
* * *
Brunette: "Why are you just sitting there? This is a once in a lifetime event! The Sun is in eclipse!"
Blonde: "I know. I went outside to check it out, but the darn Moon got in the way!"
* * *
The super-warrior Achilles was practically unkillable and would be fighting even today if an arrow hadn't hit him in his one vulnerable spot: his heel! What a leg-end!
* * *
I may deserve a humanitarian award! There I was, walking through the woods, when I came across a baby bird which had fallen from a nest at the top of a high tree! So what did I do? I immediately put him back! Only took five throws!
* * *
The difference between the government and organized crime: not both of them are organized.
* * *
No matter what I do with my mouse, my computer won't point out anything except profanity. I think the cursor must be stuck.
* * *
Brunette: "Did you read this amazing article? It's all about a gorilla who uses sign language!"
Blonde: "That's so sad!"
Brunette: "Sad? What in the world is there in this report that would make you sad!"
Blonde: "How long's he gonna last in the jungle if he's deaf?"
* * *
This novel's a sure Pulitzer Prize winner: a heartfelt examination of an old blind man and the system he develops in order to get used to his new surroundings! It's touching stuff!
* * *
The Wachowskis originally wanted Will Smith to play Neo in "The Matrix". If he'd gotten the part, Keanu Reeves might have had to star in "The Wild, Wild West". Man, Keanu dodged a bullet that time!
* * *
Q: In the Star Wars universe, Ani is short for Anikan. Ben is short of Obi-Wan. Artoo is short of R2D2. Chewy is short of Chewbacca. If all that is true, what's Luke short for?
A: A Stormtrooper.
* * *
I took my kid to the opening of the new Legoland! What a crowd; people were lined up for blocks!
* * *
Brunette: "How did you like your first day at the dairy?"
Blonde: "It was okay. Sure is a lonely job, though."
Brunette: "Didn't you have any coworkers?"
Blonde: "I didn't see any. I guess none of the cows needed to be orked today."
* * *
I used to play triangle in a reggae band. What frustrating work! Just one damn ting after another!
* * *
A: Why should you never trust someone who chronically farts?
B: You can count on him being a gas lighter.
* * *
Hey, I finally got a look at Schrodinger's cat! Saw him on an old episode of "Wanted: Dead and Alive"!
* * *
Sign in front of urinal: "Stand closer. It's shorter than you think."
