Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My buddy saw Lady Godiva ride past; at the same time, I was busy on the golf links, searching for a lost ball. There was a clear difference... I was occupied with a hunt on a course.
A man goes to his physician with a lettuce leaf sprouting from his forehead.
"I've never seen anything like it," the doctor observes.
"Doc," the man replies, "This is only the tip of the iceberg."
Customer: Miss, I'd like eight condoms, please,
Elderly clerk: Don't "miss" me, young man!
Customer: Okay, if you insist. Make it nine.
Where does a terrorist go after an explosion?
Everywhere.
Zombies were initially conceived as free labor for plantations and mills. They're basically working stiffs.
Donald Trump once modeled for a Halloween jack-o-lantern. It was a fair likeness... you could only tell them apart because the pumpkin was bright.
A woman originated the artistic technique of using paper overlays to achieve precise duplication. Her name was Tracy.
Why did the tortoise cross the road?
He was heading for a Shell station.
I planned to make a donation at the blood bank... then they started asking questions. Ye gods, what difference does it make where I got it!
Our local library has instituted an extra fee for each book returned late. It's their pay per back addition.
Driver: Why'd you stop me, officer? Are you sure you've got the right man?
Cop: Sure? You were going 90 miles an hour! You've done it habitually, and been getting away with it too! I've been waiting for you for years!
Driver: Well I got here as fast as I could!
Ever notice how scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Makes perfect sense. If they fell forward, they'd land on the deck.
I came up with a great title for a fighting game, but it happened to be Tekken.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure"... what a terrible way to be told you're adopted!
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?
Not much... only a single ion.
I took my kids to see Disney on Ice. Imagine my horror when they wheeled out a frozen human head.
Davy Crocket really enjoyed apple pie. His very last one was Alamo-ed.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?
"I'll be home in 20 minutes."
A man walks into a saloon and finds himself aboard the International Space Station. They set the bar too high.
My friend is a backwards poet. He writes inverse.
ISIS has started an arctic contingent. They're calling it ISICLE.
A disappointed artist gathered up his paint tubes and leapt with them from the top of the Empire State Building . We saw it all from a lower floor; he passed with flying colors.
* * *
A man goes to his physician with a lettuce leaf sprouting from his forehead.
"I've never seen anything like it," the doctor observes.
"Doc," the man replies, "This is only the tip of the iceberg."
* * *
Customer: Miss, I'd like eight condoms, please,
Elderly clerk: Don't "miss" me, young man!
Customer: Okay, if you insist. Make it nine.
* * *
Where does a terrorist go after an explosion?
Everywhere.
* * *
Zombies were initially conceived as free labor for plantations and mills. They're basically working stiffs.
* * *
Donald Trump once modeled for a Halloween jack-o-lantern. It was a fair likeness... you could only tell them apart because the pumpkin was bright.
* * *
A woman originated the artistic technique of using paper overlays to achieve precise duplication. Her name was Tracy.
* * *
Why did the tortoise cross the road?
He was heading for a Shell station.
* * *
I planned to make a donation at the blood bank... then they started asking questions. Ye gods, what difference does it make where I got it!
* * *
Our local library has instituted an extra fee for each book returned late. It's their pay per back addition.
* * *
Driver: Why'd you stop me, officer? Are you sure you've got the right man?
Cop: Sure? You were going 90 miles an hour! You've done it habitually, and been getting away with it too! I've been waiting for you for years!
Driver: Well I got here as fast as I could!
* * *
Ever notice how scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Makes perfect sense. If they fell forward, they'd land on the deck.
* * *
I came up with a great title for a fighting game, but it happened to be Tekken.
* * *
"One man's trash is another man's treasure"... what a terrible way to be told you're adopted!
* * *
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?
Not much... only a single ion.
* * *
I took my kids to see Disney on Ice. Imagine my horror when they wheeled out a frozen human head.
* * *
Davy Crocket really enjoyed apple pie. His very last one was Alamo-ed.
* * *
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?
"I'll be home in 20 minutes."
* * *
A man walks into a saloon and finds himself aboard the International Space Station. They set the bar too high.
* * *
My friend is a backwards poet. He writes inverse.
* * *
ISIS has started an arctic contingent. They're calling it ISICLE.
* * *
A disappointed artist gathered up his paint tubes and leapt with them from the top of the Empire State Building . We saw it all from a lower floor; he passed with flying colors.
