Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Everyone prefers a laughing baby to one that's crying. But if it comes out of your womb that way, call an exorcist!
My pet pig saved my life. I was dying for a ham sandwich.
Q: Which mad scientist creation understands time/space theory?
A: Frank Einstein's monster.
I'd like to cross-dress with my wife, but she thinks the idea's disgusting. She clearly doesn't understand my needs... just once, I wish she'd put herself in my shoes!
Storks deliver normal babies. For extra-fat ones, you may need a crane.
I was named after my great great grandfather. Since he lived so much earlier than me, it couldn't have happened any other way.
Q: How can not you tell if it's really your dog on the phone?
A: Check his collar ID.
The difference between me and my Amish neighbor...
My morning routine: Raisin Bran.
His morning routine: raisn' barn.
In Shakespeare's day, horsemen had a saying: "To ride or not to ride... that is equestrian."
I was shocked to find out that my dad is gay. It was double distressing to learn that my other dad is also gay.
Just in case he was sentenced to death, Jeffery Dahmer had picked out a last meal. He sent out for 5 Guys.
Back when I lived on a houseboat, I dated the girl who lived in the houseboat next door. But over time we drifted apart.
Q: What is the most athletic kind of Pokemon?
A: A Crobat.
Getting executed's not so tough! I could do it blindfolded!
The valedictorian of our school was arrested yesterday as an accessory to murder. His yearbook did say that he was highly accompliced.
I work at a factory that manufactures safety mats. Better jobs may come my way eventually, but this is something I can fall back on.
A termite walks into a saloon and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
I've been investing in stocks lately... beef stocks, chicken stocks, vegetable stocks. If I keep it up, one day I may become a bouillonare.
Q: King Arthur unified Britain. Sir Galahad found the Holy Grail. What did Sir Cumference do?
A: He designed the Round Table.
I was afraid I'd lost one of my dad's old topographical maps, but found it again right before he was due to come home. It was one of his most valuable ones, too. What a relief!
Q: New York's nickname is the Big Apple, but which city is called the Small Apple?
A: Minneapolis, of course.
I collect albino pets... a snow white cat, a snow white raccoon, a snow white tarantula, a snow white ball python, etc. Every night I put them into a giant-sized crate for safe keeping. There it is in the corner... the biggest box of animal crackers on earth!
* * *
My pet pig saved my life. I was dying for a ham sandwich.
* * *
Q: Which mad scientist creation understands time/space theory?
A: Frank Einstein's monster.
* * *
I'd like to cross-dress with my wife, but she thinks the idea's disgusting. She clearly doesn't understand my needs... just once, I wish she'd put herself in my shoes!
* * *
Storks deliver normal babies. For extra-fat ones, you may need a crane.
* * *
I was named after my great great grandfather. Since he lived so much earlier than me, it couldn't have happened any other way.
* * *
Q: How can not you tell if it's really your dog on the phone?
A: Check his collar ID.
* * *
The difference between me and my Amish neighbor...
My morning routine: Raisin Bran.
His morning routine: raisn' barn.
* * *
In Shakespeare's day, horsemen had a saying: "To ride or not to ride... that is equestrian."
* * *
I was shocked to find out that my dad is gay. It was double distressing to learn that my other dad is also gay.
* * *
Just in case he was sentenced to death, Jeffery Dahmer had picked out a last meal. He sent out for 5 Guys.
* * *
Back when I lived on a houseboat, I dated the girl who lived in the houseboat next door. But over time we drifted apart.
* * *
Q: What is the most athletic kind of Pokemon?
A: A Crobat.
* * *
Getting executed's not so tough! I could do it blindfolded!
* * *
The valedictorian of our school was arrested yesterday as an accessory to murder. His yearbook did say that he was highly accompliced.
* * *
I work at a factory that manufactures safety mats. Better jobs may come my way eventually, but this is something I can fall back on.
* * *
A termite walks into a saloon and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
* * *
I've been investing in stocks lately... beef stocks, chicken stocks, vegetable stocks. If I keep it up, one day I may become a bouillonare.
* * *
Q: King Arthur unified Britain. Sir Galahad found the Holy Grail. What did Sir Cumference do?
A: He designed the Round Table.
* * *
I was afraid I'd lost one of my dad's old topographical maps, but found it again right before he was due to come home. It was one of his most valuable ones, too. What a relief!
* * *
Q: New York's nickname is the Big Apple, but which city is called the Small Apple?
A: Minneapolis, of course.
* * *
I collect albino pets... a snow white cat, a snow white raccoon, a snow white tarantula, a snow white ball python, etc. Every night I put them into a giant-sized crate for safe keeping. There it is in the corner... the biggest box of animal crackers on earth!
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