Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My girlfriend says I lack empathy. I can't imagine why she feels that way!
Wanna learn how to play each musical note perfectly? Stay tuned!
My wife's lucky... I'm the most considerate husband in town! Every time she asks me to do a chore, I say I'll consider it.
Q: What do you call a girl who won't put out on the first date?
A: A taxi.
The Little Red Hen became upset when she couldn't find her eggs. I'm sure they weren't stolen; I think she must have mislaid them.
Trying to run a pastry shop in an active warzone is a crazy experience... you'll hire only desserters and the number of turnovers can be staggering.
My house was built on the ruins of an old KFC restaurant. I can tell because it's haunted by poultrygeist.
All psychic mediums wear glasses; it's impossible to foresee the future if you don't have four eyes.
I lost nine Titleists in the rough last time I played golf. To show up on the links after a game that bad takes a lot of balls!
Brunette surgeon: "I may be able to reattach your severed fingers. Did you bring them with you?"
Blonde accident victim: "I tried to, but I couldn't pick them up!"
My landlady wants to have a talk with me about my high heating bills. I told her my door's always open!
According to the Olympics, first place gets gold, second place gets silver and third place gets bronze. But according to the Bible, it's fourth place that gets you romance! Go fourth and multiply!
I finally decided to give up graffiti; the writing's been on the wall for months.
Dad: "Well son, what do you think of my secret fishing spot?"
Son: "It's pretty unique, dad. Not even the fish know about it."
Albert Einstein got married to his first cousin. If you ask me, that's taking relativity way too far.
Scrawny people skinny dip; hefty folks chunky dunk.
When I was a kid, I had a pet frog. I used to put him on a leash so we could go for walks; trouble was, he hated that and I had to drag him everywhere. So, in effect he was a toad.
Brunette: "I just put moth balls in the closet. Ever wonder why they're so small?"
Blonde: "I guess it's 'cause so few moths enjoy dancing."
Whenever I go rock climbing, I make sure to have a big plate of beans first. It guarantees a strong ass scent.
Interviewer: "I see there's a gap in your resume."
Job hunter: "Yeah. That's from back when I used to work in a clothing store."
With Halloween on the way, I thought it was time to expound on the enigma of the human skull. So terrifying, yet so necessary... I just can't get it out of my head!
He: "Phone my boss and tell him I won't be in today due to illness and fatigue."
She: "I'm not gonna do that! There's nothing the matter with you!"
He: "Yes there is. I'm sick and tired of that job!"
* * *
Wanna learn how to play each musical note perfectly? Stay tuned!
* * *
My wife's lucky... I'm the most considerate husband in town! Every time she asks me to do a chore, I say I'll consider it.
* * *
Q: What do you call a girl who won't put out on the first date?
A: A taxi.
* * *
The Little Red Hen became upset when she couldn't find her eggs. I'm sure they weren't stolen; I think she must have mislaid them.
* * *
Trying to run a pastry shop in an active warzone is a crazy experience... you'll hire only desserters and the number of turnovers can be staggering.
* * *
My house was built on the ruins of an old KFC restaurant. I can tell because it's haunted by poultrygeist.
* * *
All psychic mediums wear glasses; it's impossible to foresee the future if you don't have four eyes.
* * *
I lost nine Titleists in the rough last time I played golf. To show up on the links after a game that bad takes a lot of balls!
* * *
Brunette surgeon: "I may be able to reattach your severed fingers. Did you bring them with you?"
Blonde accident victim: "I tried to, but I couldn't pick them up!"
* * *
My landlady wants to have a talk with me about my high heating bills. I told her my door's always open!
* * *
According to the Olympics, first place gets gold, second place gets silver and third place gets bronze. But according to the Bible, it's fourth place that gets you romance! Go fourth and multiply!
* * *
I finally decided to give up graffiti; the writing's been on the wall for months.
* * *
Dad: "Well son, what do you think of my secret fishing spot?"
Son: "It's pretty unique, dad. Not even the fish know about it."
* * *
Albert Einstein got married to his first cousin. If you ask me, that's taking relativity way too far.
* * *
Scrawny people skinny dip; hefty folks chunky dunk.
* * *
When I was a kid, I had a pet frog. I used to put him on a leash so we could go for walks; trouble was, he hated that and I had to drag him everywhere. So, in effect he was a toad.
* * *
Brunette: "I just put moth balls in the closet. Ever wonder why they're so small?"
Blonde: "I guess it's 'cause so few moths enjoy dancing."
* * *
Whenever I go rock climbing, I make sure to have a big plate of beans first. It guarantees a strong ass scent.
* * *
Interviewer: "I see there's a gap in your resume."
Job hunter: "Yeah. That's from back when I used to work in a clothing store."
* * *
With Halloween on the way, I thought it was time to expound on the enigma of the human skull. So terrifying, yet so necessary... I just can't get it out of my head!
* * *
He: "Phone my boss and tell him I won't be in today due to illness and fatigue."
She: "I'm not gonna do that! There's nothing the matter with you!"
He: "Yes there is. I'm sick and tired of that job!"
