Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
The army's long made use of pigeons as curriers. Course, the birds need ta be extra sneaky when toting secret info... which is why they always use da skies.
Technically, Hitler was a hero. He's, after all, the one who finally killed Hitler.
My cousin accidentally dialed Nike's marketing department instead of the Suicide Hotline. Big mistake... they immediately told him: "Just Do It."
I understand there's a Viagra computer virus. It converts floppy disks into hard drives.
My sister's wheelchair broke down. Fortunately, she's a member of Cripple-A.
An Amish farmer's buggy broke down. Fortunately, he's a member of Triple-Hay.
I used to be a member of Triple-A, but it became too expensive. So, I joined the AA instead. Now every time I break down, I call my sponsor and tell him I'm tempted to drink. He immediately responds, "Stay right where you are! I'll pick you up in five minutes!"
I just farted while sitting on my wallet. It was embarrassing, but at least I now have gas money.
Q: What's the pink stuff between an elephant's toes?
A: Slow tourists.
My wife tells me our son feels marginalized. Odd... I didn't realize we had a son.
The moon is much more useful than the sun. The moon, after all, shines the whole night through; the sun only shines during the day, when it's light outside already.
I've never done any grocery shopping, but maybe I should start! Why should my wife have all the fun?... sounds like a carefree fling to visit a produce isle!
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how ludicrously competitive we sometimes become. I laugh harder, though.
I go to the gym religiously. That is to say, every Christmas and Easter.
Heard about the drag race for infants? It's a formula one.
I wish I could become a famous clown, just like my father. But those are mighty big shoes to fill.
If a plumber's career can go down the drain, and a fire-fighter's go up in smoke, can a prostitute be laid off?
The population in our community is perfectly balanced. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
I always get nostalgic when I look at the ocean. I was, after all, once a semen.
A drunk walks into a bra. Did I mention that he's also dyslexic?
I've totally lost interest in dating. It's become fatal to my career... I'm an archeologist.
A man goes to his doctor for triple his usual prescription of Viagra.
"You gotta help me, Doc," he pleads. "My ex-wife, current girlfriend and old flame will all be in town over the weekend."
The physician is leery, but reluctantly agrees.
Next week, the man returns to the hospital with his arm in a sling.
"Don't tell me there was trouble," the doctor inquires. "Did all three arrive at the same time?"
"Nope," the man returns. "None of 'em showed up."
* * *
Technically, Hitler was a hero. He's, after all, the one who finally killed Hitler.
* * *
My cousin accidentally dialed Nike's marketing department instead of the Suicide Hotline. Big mistake... they immediately told him: "Just Do It."
* * *
I understand there's a Viagra computer virus. It converts floppy disks into hard drives.
* * *
My sister's wheelchair broke down. Fortunately, she's a member of Cripple-A.
* * *
An Amish farmer's buggy broke down. Fortunately, he's a member of Triple-Hay.
* * *
I used to be a member of Triple-A, but it became too expensive. So, I joined the AA instead. Now every time I break down, I call my sponsor and tell him I'm tempted to drink. He immediately responds, "Stay right where you are! I'll pick you up in five minutes!"
* * *
I just farted while sitting on my wallet. It was embarrassing, but at least I now have gas money.
* * *
Q: What's the pink stuff between an elephant's toes?
A: Slow tourists.
* * *
My wife tells me our son feels marginalized. Odd... I didn't realize we had a son.
* * *
The moon is much more useful than the sun. The moon, after all, shines the whole night through; the sun only shines during the day, when it's light outside already.
* * *
I've never done any grocery shopping, but maybe I should start! Why should my wife have all the fun?... sounds like a carefree fling to visit a produce isle!
* * *
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how ludicrously competitive we sometimes become. I laugh harder, though.
* * *
I go to the gym religiously. That is to say, every Christmas and Easter.
* * *
Heard about the drag race for infants? It's a formula one.
* * *
I wish I could become a famous clown, just like my father. But those are mighty big shoes to fill.
* * *
If a plumber's career can go down the drain, and a fire-fighter's go up in smoke, can a prostitute be laid off?
* * *
The population in our community is perfectly balanced. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
* * *
I always get nostalgic when I look at the ocean. I was, after all, once a semen.
* * *
A drunk walks into a bra. Did I mention that he's also dyslexic?
* * *
I've totally lost interest in dating. It's become fatal to my career... I'm an archeologist.
* * *
A man goes to his doctor for triple his usual prescription of Viagra.
"You gotta help me, Doc," he pleads. "My ex-wife, current girlfriend and old flame will all be in town over the weekend."
The physician is leery, but reluctantly agrees.
Next week, the man returns to the hospital with his arm in a sling.
"Don't tell me there was trouble," the doctor inquires. "Did all three arrive at the same time?"
"Nope," the man returns. "None of 'em showed up."
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