Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I just found out that "bedroom" is an anagram for "boredom"! Isn't that clever? My wife worked it out during sex last night!
I just heard about a soldier who survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings. Was he especially cunning or just incredibly lucky? Nope, neither... he happened to be in New York at the time.
Nobody I've asked seems to know what the initials in T.S. Elliot's name stand for. Evidently it's top secret.
If you're a spider, you'll find that countless people fear and hate you. Even the sight of your web will fill them with loathing. Don't shed any tears, though... there's no point in crying over milled silk.
After my first shark encounter, I quit my job doing underwater salvage. Deep down, I knew it just wasn't for me.
Eat copiously... if you have enough fatty cushioning, even sticks and stones won't break your bones.
You know what really gets my goat? El Chupacabra!
Tyrannosaurus rex: "Look, a shooting star! Make a wish!"
When I got back from my sales trip, I found that some guy we didn't even know had given my little son a matching sofa and chairs set. Needless to say, I was furious; I've told my boy repeatedly not to accept suites from strangers.
One of the stewardesses onboard the Hindenburg survived the crash and later went on to develop her own brand of perfume. She called it "Eau De Humanitie".
Lots of people tell puns. Sometimes they're not so good. Other times they're okay. Occassionally they're even amusing. Then there's mine: always grate!
Farmer Brown: "What is it, Lassie?"
Lassie: "Woof! Woof! Woof!"
Farmer Brown: "Little Timmy? He fell down a well?"
Lassie: "Woof! Woof! Woof!"
Farmer Brown: "Yeah, that is the third time this month, isn't it?"
Lassie: "Woof! Woof! Woof!"
Famer Brown: "I agree. Let the little twerp get out by himself."
My brother-in-law tried to rob a real estate office yesterday. He busted in brandishing a pistol, yelling, "Nobody move!"
Never irritate a witch when she's zooming around on her broom. You don't want her to fly off the handle.
I'm a trampoline salesman and just got back from a bang-up promotional trip to Prague! I was bouncing Czechs all over the country!
Brunette: "You better bone up on your math if you ever want to get your GED. So... how many seconds are there in a year?"
Blonde: "Twelve."
Brunette: "Whatta ya mean twelve?!"
Blonde: "You know... January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "
Try as I might, I couldn't give my uncle the burial at sea he requested. Every time I took a shovelful, water kept filling in the hole.
Despite Holland's reliance on water, Drano is forbidden in the country. It dissolves clogs.
Columbian drug cartels have figured a new way to smuggle cocaine out of the country: they're baking it into health snacks. You may spot one if you know what to look for... they're called Esco Bars.
This year, Santa will be giving bad German children Euro coins. Lumps of coal are just too damn valuable.
Eating nothing but legumes can lead to insanity! Brought to you by the Council for Lentil Illness.
"Ivan, you've been drafted to fight in the Ukraine. Report to a military unit at once."
"But I have no legs!"
"That won't matter. It's only a partial mobilization."
* * *
I just heard about a soldier who survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings. Was he especially cunning or just incredibly lucky? Nope, neither... he happened to be in New York at the time.
* * *
Nobody I've asked seems to know what the initials in T.S. Elliot's name stand for. Evidently it's top secret.
* * *
If you're a spider, you'll find that countless people fear and hate you. Even the sight of your web will fill them with loathing. Don't shed any tears, though... there's no point in crying over milled silk.
* * *
After my first shark encounter, I quit my job doing underwater salvage. Deep down, I knew it just wasn't for me.
* * *
Eat copiously... if you have enough fatty cushioning, even sticks and stones won't break your bones.
* * *
You know what really gets my goat? El Chupacabra!
* * *
Tyrannosaurus rex: "Look, a shooting star! Make a wish!"
* * *
When I got back from my sales trip, I found that some guy we didn't even know had given my little son a matching sofa and chairs set. Needless to say, I was furious; I've told my boy repeatedly not to accept suites from strangers.
* * *
One of the stewardesses onboard the Hindenburg survived the crash and later went on to develop her own brand of perfume. She called it "Eau De Humanitie".
* * *
Lots of people tell puns. Sometimes they're not so good. Other times they're okay. Occassionally they're even amusing. Then there's mine: always grate!
* * *
Farmer Brown: "What is it, Lassie?"
Lassie: "Woof! Woof! Woof!"
Farmer Brown: "Little Timmy? He fell down a well?"
Lassie: "Woof! Woof! Woof!"
Farmer Brown: "Yeah, that is the third time this month, isn't it?"
Lassie: "Woof! Woof! Woof!"
Famer Brown: "I agree. Let the little twerp get out by himself."
* * *
My brother-in-law tried to rob a real estate office yesterday. He busted in brandishing a pistol, yelling, "Nobody move!"
* * *
Never irritate a witch when she's zooming around on her broom. You don't want her to fly off the handle.
* * *
I'm a trampoline salesman and just got back from a bang-up promotional trip to Prague! I was bouncing Czechs all over the country!
* * *
Brunette: "You better bone up on your math if you ever want to get your GED. So... how many seconds are there in a year?"
Blonde: "Twelve."
Brunette: "Whatta ya mean twelve?!"
Blonde: "You know... January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "
* * *
Try as I might, I couldn't give my uncle the burial at sea he requested. Every time I took a shovelful, water kept filling in the hole.
* * *
Despite Holland's reliance on water, Drano is forbidden in the country. It dissolves clogs.
* * *
Columbian drug cartels have figured a new way to smuggle cocaine out of the country: they're baking it into health snacks. You may spot one if you know what to look for... they're called Esco Bars.
* * *
This year, Santa will be giving bad German children Euro coins. Lumps of coal are just too damn valuable.
* * *
Eating nothing but legumes can lead to insanity! Brought to you by the Council for Lentil Illness.
* * *
"Ivan, you've been drafted to fight in the Ukraine. Report to a military unit at once."
"But I have no legs!"
"That won't matter. It's only a partial mobilization."
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