Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
The election is over! America now prepares for come-Trump/Pence!
Mom: Why don't I ever see Stevie around anymore? You and he used to be such close friends.
Johnny: Friends!? Would you be friends with a guy who always called you names, beat you up, and took your lunch money?
Mom: (horrified) No! I certainly would not!
Johnny: Then you know how he feels!
Ever notice how many writers can't tell the difference between "your" and "you're"? Their so illiterate!
The blind are super conscientious about pets! Look how often they walk their dogs!
Dolly: Would you like a yummy cupcake, Mr. Teddy Bear?
Teddy Bear: No thanks. I'm stuffed.
Ever notice that gay men tend to be really well dressed? They didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing!
I've been getting in touch with my inner self lately. Damn chintzy one-ply toilet paper!!!
Heard the one about a jump-rope? If you have, you can skip it.
My next-door neighbor's a stripper. She's invited me over on Thanksgiving for a twerky dinner.
"So, what did you think of my nightclub routine?"
"Don't quit your day job."
"Thanks! I do matinees, too!"
My girlfriend is just like a fairy princess. I can't prove to anyone that she exists.
Jewish pedophile: "Hey, little girl... wanna buy some candy?"
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... chances are it's desperately undercooked.
Girl's father: "You miserable little bastard! You stole my daughter's virginity!"
Girl's boyfriend: "Please forgive me, sir! It'll never happen again!"
Spongebob may be the main character, but Patrick is the star of the show.
What's the difference between a cow and a Pokemon?
You can't milk a cow for 20 straight years.
Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship singlehanded.
Don't try to share secrets with a clock. Time will tell.
Two blondes are out on their bikes, when they take a sudden detour down an extremely bumpy road. Once they get to the bottom, one turns to the other and says, "Wow! I never came this way before!"
A new furniture retail center, The Sofa King, just opened downtown. The prices are terrific... or, to quote the ads, they're "Sofa King insane!"
Cigarettes can be terribly damaging to young children. Remember to use an ashtray instead.
Donald Trump has done something unprecedented. He got in the last word with a woman.
* * *
Mom: Why don't I ever see Stevie around anymore? You and he used to be such close friends.
Johnny: Friends!? Would you be friends with a guy who always called you names, beat you up, and took your lunch money?
Mom: (horrified) No! I certainly would not!
Johnny: Then you know how he feels!
* * *
Ever notice how many writers can't tell the difference between "your" and "you're"? Their so illiterate!
* * *
The blind are super conscientious about pets! Look how often they walk their dogs!
* * *
Dolly: Would you like a yummy cupcake, Mr. Teddy Bear?
Teddy Bear: No thanks. I'm stuffed.
* * *
Ever notice that gay men tend to be really well dressed? They didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing!
* * *
I've been getting in touch with my inner self lately. Damn chintzy one-ply toilet paper!!!
* * *
Heard the one about a jump-rope? If you have, you can skip it.
* * *
My next-door neighbor's a stripper. She's invited me over on Thanksgiving for a twerky dinner.
* * *
"So, what did you think of my nightclub routine?"
"Don't quit your day job."
"Thanks! I do matinees, too!"
* * *
My girlfriend is just like a fairy princess. I can't prove to anyone that she exists.
* * *
Jewish pedophile: "Hey, little girl... wanna buy some candy?"
* * *
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... chances are it's desperately undercooked.
* * *
Girl's father: "You miserable little bastard! You stole my daughter's virginity!"
Girl's boyfriend: "Please forgive me, sir! It'll never happen again!"
* * *
Spongebob may be the main character, but Patrick is the star of the show.
* * *
What's the difference between a cow and a Pokemon?
You can't milk a cow for 20 straight years.
* * *
Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship singlehanded.
* * *
Don't try to share secrets with a clock. Time will tell.
* * *
Two blondes are out on their bikes, when they take a sudden detour down an extremely bumpy road. Once they get to the bottom, one turns to the other and says, "Wow! I never came this way before!"
* * *
A new furniture retail center, The Sofa King, just opened downtown. The prices are terrific... or, to quote the ads, they're "Sofa King insane!"
* * *
Cigarettes can be terribly damaging to young children. Remember to use an ashtray instead.
* * *
Donald Trump has done something unprecedented. He got in the last word with a woman.
