Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]My son said something shocking the other day. Guess I better ground him.
For recreation, the Pope went swimming in the Mediterranean. It’s now the Holy Sea.
I’m convinced most charities are scams, so it wasn’t until after constant guilt-shaming that I finally donated $20 to a fund for blind children. Not that the kids will ever see any of it...
Our 49th state has recently okayed the use of pot for recreational purposes. Gives a whole new meaning to the term “baked Alaska”.
Ever since I lost my skeleton, I can’t get high. It had all the joints.
Ever wonder why astronauts are always so calm? Must be ‘cause there’s no pressure in space.
My friend, the town taxidermist, invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner. I left his house stuffed!
Library visitor: “Do you have any books on the Titanic?”
Librarian: “Why yes. Quite a few, actually.”
Visitor: “Too Bad. The salt water will have ruined them completely.”
My brother claims that “icy” is the easiest of all words to remember how to spell. And after some consideration, I see why.
The Rolling Stones are still rockin’! It’s the easiest thing to do in the retirement home.
While on maneuvers, I lost my rifle and had to pay $700 to replace it. Small wonder, then, that a captain chooses to go down with his ship.
Pharaoh’s daughter was a financial genius. She was able to pull a prophet from the rushes on the bank.
Pharaoh’s daughter was only following Noah’s example; he kept his stock afloat while the rest of the world was in liquidation.
When I first started to play chess, I was under the impression that the bishops’ positioning was at the corners of the board. Rookie mistake.
“My old home town! The place where I attended elementary school, had my first beer and lost my virginity!”
“All in the same town, eh?”
“All on the same day!”
As a prank, I sneaked over to my neighbor’s apartment and lit joss sticks in every room. He was incensed!
Working for the police force has perfectly prepared my brother to run a train. Not at all surprising: copper is a good conductor.
I can’t afford venison anymore. It’s too deer.
Alligator shoes cost a fortune, so I trekked down to the Okefenokee Swamp to catch my own. Should’a known it wouldn’t be that easy... I went through three dozen gators, but not a single one was wearing any!
Ever notice the thousands of perverted porn pay-sites on the internet? Makes you wonder what the world’s coming to.
Gotta be careful! I was staring down the barrel of my rifle, when it accidentally went off. It was an eye-opening experience!
I was pretty cavalier about gun safety until I shot myself in the head. It really changed my mind![/FONT]
* * *
For recreation, the Pope went swimming in the Mediterranean. It’s now the Holy Sea.
* * *
I’m convinced most charities are scams, so it wasn’t until after constant guilt-shaming that I finally donated $20 to a fund for blind children. Not that the kids will ever see any of it...
* * *
Our 49th state has recently okayed the use of pot for recreational purposes. Gives a whole new meaning to the term “baked Alaska”.
* * *
Ever since I lost my skeleton, I can’t get high. It had all the joints.
* * *
Ever wonder why astronauts are always so calm? Must be ‘cause there’s no pressure in space.
* * *
My friend, the town taxidermist, invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner. I left his house stuffed!
* * *
Library visitor: “Do you have any books on the Titanic?”
Librarian: “Why yes. Quite a few, actually.”
Visitor: “Too Bad. The salt water will have ruined them completely.”
* * *
My brother claims that “icy” is the easiest of all words to remember how to spell. And after some consideration, I see why.
* * *
The Rolling Stones are still rockin’! It’s the easiest thing to do in the retirement home.
* * *
While on maneuvers, I lost my rifle and had to pay $700 to replace it. Small wonder, then, that a captain chooses to go down with his ship.
* * *
Pharaoh’s daughter was a financial genius. She was able to pull a prophet from the rushes on the bank.
* * *
Pharaoh’s daughter was only following Noah’s example; he kept his stock afloat while the rest of the world was in liquidation.
* * *
When I first started to play chess, I was under the impression that the bishops’ positioning was at the corners of the board. Rookie mistake.
* * *
“My old home town! The place where I attended elementary school, had my first beer and lost my virginity!”
“All in the same town, eh?”
“All on the same day!”
* * *
As a prank, I sneaked over to my neighbor’s apartment and lit joss sticks in every room. He was incensed!
* * *
Working for the police force has perfectly prepared my brother to run a train. Not at all surprising: copper is a good conductor.
* * *
I can’t afford venison anymore. It’s too deer.
* * *
Alligator shoes cost a fortune, so I trekked down to the Okefenokee Swamp to catch my own. Should’a known it wouldn’t be that easy... I went through three dozen gators, but not a single one was wearing any!
* * *
Ever notice the thousands of perverted porn pay-sites on the internet? Makes you wonder what the world’s coming to.
* * *
Gotta be careful! I was staring down the barrel of my rifle, when it accidentally went off. It was an eye-opening experience!
* * *
I was pretty cavalier about gun safety until I shot myself in the head. It really changed my mind![/FONT]
