Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
"Sugar" is the only English word in which the "su" spelling makes the "sh" sound. That hasn't been confirmed yet, but I'm sure it's true.
My dad's an angler. He's a reel man!
How do you drown a beatnik?
Drag him into the mainstream.
While visiting my country cousin, I became extremely thirsty. He told me, "Go on out back... ya'll find a deep, round hole full a'water."
I know he meant well.
Throughout his life, a guy will either be called "young man" or "old man". Way to cut out the middle man!
I bought some jewelry for my epileptic girlfriend. Just a few simple pieces... nothing flashy.
Flight attendant: We are now airborne. May I take your drink orders, gentlemen?
Hedonist: I'll have me a double whiskey.
Flight Attendant: And you, sir?
Devout man: I'd rather be raped by a dozen drooling *****s than let liquor touch my lips!
Hedonist: Me too! I didn't know that was an option!
In the beginning, God created a 24 hour time period comprised of light followed by darkness. Once done, He called it a day.
Women are expected to be a large part of Donald Trump's administration. I understand that even the new Presidential Band is full of Trumpettes.
When contemplating civil action, it's important to select the right attorney. A bad lawyer can make a case last for months; a really good one can drag it out for years.
I hate how politically correct we've become. I can't even say "black paint" anymore; it's all, "Leroy, please use the cream colored enamel in the bedroom."
Canadians are known for saying "aboot". Must be 'cause the snow's too high for regular shoes.
Russian Roulette sounded like fun for everyone, but my friends have become a bunch of sore losers.
What does the Duke do when the serfs rise up?
He hangs ten.
My girlfriend just told me she's HIV positive. It was the hardest thing I ever had to listen to... and act surprised.
Where does a river get its richness?
From its two banks.
The judge says my crimes make me eligible for capital punishment. I'm not sure what those words mean; I told him to use them in a sentence.
Occam's Disposable Razor: when faced with several equally valid hypotheses, tend toward the one that's least expensive.
I look back on the days when I had casual sex. Both of them.
"Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. I see several new faces tonight... must say, I'm severely disappointed."
Making arrangements for my wife's funeral has been terribly trying. It'll be even worse if she finds out about it.
Mother: Let's study for tomorrow's geography test. Give me the capital of Germany.
Son: Berlin.
Mother: And the capital of France?
Son: Berlin.
Mother: And how about the capital of England?
Son: Berlin.
Mother: Well done, little Adolf!
* * *
My dad's an angler. He's a reel man!
* * *
How do you drown a beatnik?
Drag him into the mainstream.
* * *
While visiting my country cousin, I became extremely thirsty. He told me, "Go on out back... ya'll find a deep, round hole full a'water."
I know he meant well.
* * *
Throughout his life, a guy will either be called "young man" or "old man". Way to cut out the middle man!
* * *
I bought some jewelry for my epileptic girlfriend. Just a few simple pieces... nothing flashy.
* * *
Flight attendant: We are now airborne. May I take your drink orders, gentlemen?
Hedonist: I'll have me a double whiskey.
Flight Attendant: And you, sir?
Devout man: I'd rather be raped by a dozen drooling *****s than let liquor touch my lips!
Hedonist: Me too! I didn't know that was an option!
* * *
In the beginning, God created a 24 hour time period comprised of light followed by darkness. Once done, He called it a day.
* * *
Women are expected to be a large part of Donald Trump's administration. I understand that even the new Presidential Band is full of Trumpettes.
* * *
When contemplating civil action, it's important to select the right attorney. A bad lawyer can make a case last for months; a really good one can drag it out for years.
* * *
I hate how politically correct we've become. I can't even say "black paint" anymore; it's all, "Leroy, please use the cream colored enamel in the bedroom."
* * *
Canadians are known for saying "aboot". Must be 'cause the snow's too high for regular shoes.
* * *
Russian Roulette sounded like fun for everyone, but my friends have become a bunch of sore losers.
* * *
What does the Duke do when the serfs rise up?
He hangs ten.
* * *
My girlfriend just told me she's HIV positive. It was the hardest thing I ever had to listen to... and act surprised.
* * *
Where does a river get its richness?
From its two banks.
* * *
The judge says my crimes make me eligible for capital punishment. I'm not sure what those words mean; I told him to use them in a sentence.
* * *
Occam's Disposable Razor: when faced with several equally valid hypotheses, tend toward the one that's least expensive.
* * *
I look back on the days when I had casual sex. Both of them.
* * *
"Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. I see several new faces tonight... must say, I'm severely disappointed."
* * *
Making arrangements for my wife's funeral has been terribly trying. It'll be even worse if she finds out about it.
* * *
Mother: Let's study for tomorrow's geography test. Give me the capital of Germany.
Son: Berlin.
Mother: And the capital of France?
Son: Berlin.
Mother: And how about the capital of England?
Son: Berlin.
Mother: Well done, little Adolf!
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