Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I can't get my brand new pistol to fire. Guess I better call in a troubleshooter.
Pacman may seem to be a hero, but think about it: he steals cookies then runs from an angry mob, occasionally turning on them and killing them. No wonder the game never ends... it's a vicious circle.
During WWII, the Japanese military kidnapped thousands of females from captured territories and turned them into "comfort women". Talk about your war atrocities! That act was whorrifying!
I cried because I had no girlfriend till I met a man who had no hands.
Let's hope Trump has nothing snarky to say about the new Tesla Cybertruck. In the current political climate, it could become a wedge issue.
"What a miracle it was! My wife delivered our daughter exactly on my birthday!"
"That really is amazing! Do you plan to have any more?"
"God, I hope so! I'm not ready to die just yet!"
When I was a kid, there was no better hiding place on our ranch than the old barn. My dad used to take me out there regularly for a good hiding.
"Hey dad, look at that wiener dog out on the jetty!"
"That's a dock, son."
I'm sick of working as a female impersonator. Frankly, it's a real drag.
Casual Spongebob fans may assume that Bikini Bottom is a made-up place, but I'm here to tell you that it's real. It's located just north of Thighland.
The Frankenstein monster must be feeling his age. You'll hear him complaining that he isn't the men he used to be.
I heard a baby bawling in a hot car and instinctively threw a rock at the window to shatter the glass. What I hadn't noticed was that the window had been rolled down; on the plus side, the tyke did stop crying.
"I understand that your mom's in the hospital being tested for cervical cancer."
"What?! No, no! The only one of my family being treated right now is my father. He's in critical condition after falling off his motorcycle."
"Oh, sorry. All I'd heard was that there'd been a pap smear."
President Trump isn't making much progress in the China Trade Talks. There just isn't any mutual agreement... so far it's been a lot of he said, Xi said.
I finally quit pinching pennies and opted to spring for some of that triple-ply, ultra-cushy toilet paper. It cost a lot more, but on the hole it's paid off.
Nobody wants to work as a doorman. It's too easy to become unhinged.
At long last I got myself a wife! If her husband wants her back unharmed, he better come up with that ransom money.
Hear about the convenience store robber who struck only at midnight or noon? He wanted to ensure that all hands would be up.
My vacuum cleaner died just as I was finally able to get to operate properly. I can't decide if it bit the dust either too soon or too late.
I've always found the concept of Batman pretty outlandish. But just to be on the safe side, I shot the kid too.
A guy who got a complete face transplant had the whole thing come loose when he tried to blow his new nose. Worst case of tissue rejection ever!
My wife says that my sexual performance is breathtaking! I'm sure you can imagine how I feel: it's so damned difficult to become aroused while she's wearing that oxygen mask.
* * *
Pacman may seem to be a hero, but think about it: he steals cookies then runs from an angry mob, occasionally turning on them and killing them. No wonder the game never ends... it's a vicious circle.
* * *
During WWII, the Japanese military kidnapped thousands of females from captured territories and turned them into "comfort women". Talk about your war atrocities! That act was whorrifying!
* * *
I cried because I had no girlfriend till I met a man who had no hands.
* * *
Let's hope Trump has nothing snarky to say about the new Tesla Cybertruck. In the current political climate, it could become a wedge issue.
* * *
"What a miracle it was! My wife delivered our daughter exactly on my birthday!"
"That really is amazing! Do you plan to have any more?"
"God, I hope so! I'm not ready to die just yet!"
* * *
When I was a kid, there was no better hiding place on our ranch than the old barn. My dad used to take me out there regularly for a good hiding.
* * *
"Hey dad, look at that wiener dog out on the jetty!"
"That's a dock, son."
* * *
I'm sick of working as a female impersonator. Frankly, it's a real drag.
* * *
Casual Spongebob fans may assume that Bikini Bottom is a made-up place, but I'm here to tell you that it's real. It's located just north of Thighland.
* * *
The Frankenstein monster must be feeling his age. You'll hear him complaining that he isn't the men he used to be.
* * *
I heard a baby bawling in a hot car and instinctively threw a rock at the window to shatter the glass. What I hadn't noticed was that the window had been rolled down; on the plus side, the tyke did stop crying.
* * *
"I understand that your mom's in the hospital being tested for cervical cancer."
"What?! No, no! The only one of my family being treated right now is my father. He's in critical condition after falling off his motorcycle."
"Oh, sorry. All I'd heard was that there'd been a pap smear."
* * *
President Trump isn't making much progress in the China Trade Talks. There just isn't any mutual agreement... so far it's been a lot of he said, Xi said.
* * *
I finally quit pinching pennies and opted to spring for some of that triple-ply, ultra-cushy toilet paper. It cost a lot more, but on the hole it's paid off.
* * *
Nobody wants to work as a doorman. It's too easy to become unhinged.
* * *
At long last I got myself a wife! If her husband wants her back unharmed, he better come up with that ransom money.
* * *
Hear about the convenience store robber who struck only at midnight or noon? He wanted to ensure that all hands would be up.
* * *
My vacuum cleaner died just as I was finally able to get to operate properly. I can't decide if it bit the dust either too soon or too late.
* * *
I've always found the concept of Batman pretty outlandish. But just to be on the safe side, I shot the kid too.
* * *
A guy who got a complete face transplant had the whole thing come loose when he tried to blow his new nose. Worst case of tissue rejection ever!
* * *
My wife says that my sexual performance is breathtaking! I'm sure you can imagine how I feel: it's so damned difficult to become aroused while she's wearing that oxygen mask.
