Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Up at the North Pole, Mrs. Claus just trimmed the tree with large blue Christmas balls. You know what that means, damn it... Santa won't be coming this year.
Last year, I got my son a puppy for Christmas. In retrospect, it wasn't such a good idea to leave it under the tree.
Mr. Potato Head made a special trip to the chip manufacturing plant. He'd heard it was a great place to get Layed.
My cousin may be blind, but that hasn't stopped her from becoming a world class porn star! You really have to hand it to her!
It's a good thing black Spiderman wasn't born in Europe. Kilometers Morales just doesn't have the same punch.
I can't think of anything more dispiriting than the life of a birthday cake. Imagine being saved from burning to death, then being eaten by your rescuer.
Q: Which weighs more: a ton of steel or a ton of feathers?
A: A ton of feathers; you have to add the weight of what you've done to those poor birds.
I was having dinner last night with my cousin Ralph and his wife, when things became so nasty between them that they both stopped eating. It was rather sad, seeing all the scalloped potatoes and coleslaw going to waste. I'd have done something about it, but I don't like taking sides.
No Amazon shoppers are quite as enthusiastic as expectant couples. Free delivery is quite an incentive.
My life was going fine until my ex popped back up. Damn current... I should'a used more rocks.
Owners of the Mustang Ranch just formed an exhibition basketball team. They're calling it the Harlot Globetrotters.
The difference between CNN and the Titanic: the Titanic had all its anchors secured while it was sinking.
My cousin's wife murdered him in cold blood and cut his body into pieces for disposal. A jury recommended the death penalty, but the bleeding heart judge blocked that and settled for three years in prison. That was just fine with me... he certainly deserved it.
Q: Why did the prop comic buy a bag containing twenty-four carrots?
A: He'd heard that it was comedy gold.
My Hispanic neighbor owns a Christmas tree lot and has developed a novel approach this year: he's renting out the trees instead of selling them. The new name of his business is "For Lease Navidad".
Q: Prior to the Bronze Age, what did they call racers who came in third?
A: Losers.
Q: How many Buddhist monks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It isn't necessary... the room is already enlightened.
Spider-Man just got kicked off Google. He got caught looking for Mary Jane on the web.
I used to be cursed with a crippling addiction. But I got treatment for it and have become a lot better... I only slap folks nowadays.
Q: How can cops tell if they've nabbed the real Dominic Toretto?
A: That's easy... they check his Vin number.
Is Canada a real country? It's hard to believe so when its flag is maple leaf.
Doctors say that three shots of whisky per day can harm your short term memory. The idea concerns me... if it's true, what about even more glasses? Just think of the damage three shots could do!
* * *
Last year, I got my son a puppy for Christmas. In retrospect, it wasn't such a good idea to leave it under the tree.
* * *
Mr. Potato Head made a special trip to the chip manufacturing plant. He'd heard it was a great place to get Layed.
* * *
My cousin may be blind, but that hasn't stopped her from becoming a world class porn star! You really have to hand it to her!
* * *
It's a good thing black Spiderman wasn't born in Europe. Kilometers Morales just doesn't have the same punch.
* * *
I can't think of anything more dispiriting than the life of a birthday cake. Imagine being saved from burning to death, then being eaten by your rescuer.
* * *
Q: Which weighs more: a ton of steel or a ton of feathers?
A: A ton of feathers; you have to add the weight of what you've done to those poor birds.
* * *
I was having dinner last night with my cousin Ralph and his wife, when things became so nasty between them that they both stopped eating. It was rather sad, seeing all the scalloped potatoes and coleslaw going to waste. I'd have done something about it, but I don't like taking sides.
* * *
No Amazon shoppers are quite as enthusiastic as expectant couples. Free delivery is quite an incentive.
* * *
My life was going fine until my ex popped back up. Damn current... I should'a used more rocks.
* * *
Owners of the Mustang Ranch just formed an exhibition basketball team. They're calling it the Harlot Globetrotters.
* * *
The difference between CNN and the Titanic: the Titanic had all its anchors secured while it was sinking.
* * *
My cousin's wife murdered him in cold blood and cut his body into pieces for disposal. A jury recommended the death penalty, but the bleeding heart judge blocked that and settled for three years in prison. That was just fine with me... he certainly deserved it.
* * *
Q: Why did the prop comic buy a bag containing twenty-four carrots?
A: He'd heard that it was comedy gold.
* * *
My Hispanic neighbor owns a Christmas tree lot and has developed a novel approach this year: he's renting out the trees instead of selling them. The new name of his business is "For Lease Navidad".
* * *
Q: Prior to the Bronze Age, what did they call racers who came in third?
A: Losers.
* * *
Q: How many Buddhist monks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It isn't necessary... the room is already enlightened.
* * *
Spider-Man just got kicked off Google. He got caught looking for Mary Jane on the web.
* * *
I used to be cursed with a crippling addiction. But I got treatment for it and have become a lot better... I only slap folks nowadays.
* * *
Q: How can cops tell if they've nabbed the real Dominic Toretto?
A: That's easy... they check his Vin number.
* * *
Is Canada a real country? It's hard to believe so when its flag is maple leaf.
* * *
Doctors say that three shots of whisky per day can harm your short term memory. The idea concerns me... if it's true, what about even more glasses? Just think of the damage three shots could do!
