Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Wonder Woman never fully grasped how hard it would be for her to get her DMV permit. She'd been told that the roads were full of Amazon drivers.
My auntie's been bedridden most of her life. A couple of times, though, it happened in haystacks.
Blackbeard must have been a freak! According to naval history, he hid his booty away by tucking it inside his chest.
My uncle went to an exotic clothier to buy a pair of turtle skin boots. Big mistake; it took him five hours to walk out of the store.
Q: How do you get tri-tip beef?
A: First step: push over a three legged cow.
Contrary to rumor, Joe Biden isn't senile. He's simply govern-mentally challenged.
The first thing Bill Cosby plans to do when he gets out of prison is go to Disneyland. He really wants to visit Sleeping Beauty's castle.
I just learned about a series of childrens' books featuring a monkey who believes he might be gay. He's called Bicurious George.
My brother lost both his hands in an industrial accident and since no human donors were available for replacements, his surgeon urged him to get pig hooves instead. I know that pigs are genetically similar to humans; even so, it was a ham-fisted suggestion.
My sister has a similar dilemma: she lost both her feet in an auto mishap. Her doctor wants to fix her up with prosthetics, but she insists she won't accept anything but real human replacement limbs. I can understand her attitude; she's just trying to make both ends meat.
Every COVID joke I've heard so far has been extremely tasteless. Fairly odorless, too.
Famed aviator Chuck Yeager recently passed away at 97. This news was stunning to me; I always assumed he'd break the Age Barrier.
After 40 years in the animation business, I decided to quit. The studio went all out and threw me a big retirement party. It was so touching... everyone brought gifs.
A step-by-step explanation of "irony":
(1.) Hyphenated.
(2.) Non-hyphenated.
I think our local pastor may be gay. I became suspicious when he started ending each of his sermons with, "Ahhhh, men!"
Q: How do you eat breakfast cereal if you're lactose intolerant?
A: That's easy! Use a fork.
Adolf Hitler was extremely enthusiastic about the performance of the VW Beetle. He liked the car so much, it inspired him to create a Master Race.
My daughter came back from her pedicure with mint green nail polish. Doesn't surprise me; she's always enjoyed Tic Tac toes.
My brother, a self-described "herbalist", has been accident prone his whole life. I had hoped he'd finally grown out of it, but I guess not; from what I hear, he tripped on a mushroom.
When you think about it, Santa has things pretty tough. All those filthy chimneys; they're such a tight fit. Plus, the brick surface is mighty abrasive and sometimes the fireplace is lit. I imagine that's how the poor geezer got his nickname: Crisp Crinkle.
I never would have believed it, but it looks like my dad is actually a warlock. Last weekend, he drove down to his isolated fishing lodge; he told me he intended to cast a spell.
History of husband/wife communication:
Before marriage: he talks, she listens.
Soon after marriage: she talks, he listens.
10 years after marriage: he and she talk simultaneously; the next-door neighbor listens.
* * *
My auntie's been bedridden most of her life. A couple of times, though, it happened in haystacks.
* * *
Blackbeard must have been a freak! According to naval history, he hid his booty away by tucking it inside his chest.
* * *
My uncle went to an exotic clothier to buy a pair of turtle skin boots. Big mistake; it took him five hours to walk out of the store.
* * *
Q: How do you get tri-tip beef?
A: First step: push over a three legged cow.
* * *
Contrary to rumor, Joe Biden isn't senile. He's simply govern-mentally challenged.
* * *
The first thing Bill Cosby plans to do when he gets out of prison is go to Disneyland. He really wants to visit Sleeping Beauty's castle.
* * *
I just learned about a series of childrens' books featuring a monkey who believes he might be gay. He's called Bicurious George.
* * *
My brother lost both his hands in an industrial accident and since no human donors were available for replacements, his surgeon urged him to get pig hooves instead. I know that pigs are genetically similar to humans; even so, it was a ham-fisted suggestion.
* * *
My sister has a similar dilemma: she lost both her feet in an auto mishap. Her doctor wants to fix her up with prosthetics, but she insists she won't accept anything but real human replacement limbs. I can understand her attitude; she's just trying to make both ends meat.
* * *
Every COVID joke I've heard so far has been extremely tasteless. Fairly odorless, too.
* * *
Famed aviator Chuck Yeager recently passed away at 97. This news was stunning to me; I always assumed he'd break the Age Barrier.
* * *
After 40 years in the animation business, I decided to quit. The studio went all out and threw me a big retirement party. It was so touching... everyone brought gifs.
* * *
A step-by-step explanation of "irony":
(1.) Hyphenated.
(2.) Non-hyphenated.
* * *
I think our local pastor may be gay. I became suspicious when he started ending each of his sermons with, "Ahhhh, men!"
* * *
Q: How do you eat breakfast cereal if you're lactose intolerant?
A: That's easy! Use a fork.
* * *
Adolf Hitler was extremely enthusiastic about the performance of the VW Beetle. He liked the car so much, it inspired him to create a Master Race.
* * *
My daughter came back from her pedicure with mint green nail polish. Doesn't surprise me; she's always enjoyed Tic Tac toes.
* * *
My brother, a self-described "herbalist", has been accident prone his whole life. I had hoped he'd finally grown out of it, but I guess not; from what I hear, he tripped on a mushroom.
* * *
When you think about it, Santa has things pretty tough. All those filthy chimneys; they're such a tight fit. Plus, the brick surface is mighty abrasive and sometimes the fireplace is lit. I imagine that's how the poor geezer got his nickname: Crisp Crinkle.
* * *
I never would have believed it, but it looks like my dad is actually a warlock. Last weekend, he drove down to his isolated fishing lodge; he told me he intended to cast a spell.
* * *
History of husband/wife communication:
Before marriage: he talks, she listens.
Soon after marriage: she talks, he listens.
10 years after marriage: he and she talk simultaneously; the next-door neighbor listens.
