Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Two cows are standing in a field.
"I'm scared sick about this mad cow disease," states the first. "Aren't you?"
"Why should I be?" replies the second. "I'm a choo-choo train!"
No robot can have a brother. The closest it can come is a trans sister.
Did you know there was a unicorn in a pen next to Hellen Keller's house?
Neither did she.
My roommate is a gay midget, but he's proud of it. He came out of the cupboard.
Don't hang with cows at night. They're up till pasture bedtime.
I was fired from my hospital job, and all for following instructions! That sign clearly stated: "Stroke Patients Downstairs"!
A victim of Multiple Personality Disorder will instantly recognize someone else with the same condition. It takes ten to know ten.
My sister frightened her gynecologist practically to death. He had no idea she was a ventriloquist.
Though they're the same color, Donald Trump will never be mistaken for an orange. Citrus fruit have thick skins.
People say I have my mother's eyes. If they can't find the evidence, they've got no damn business accusing me!
Any man who farts in church sits in his own pew.
I made my first snowman today. Damn near froze my dick off.
Genie: You have released me from the magic lamp! As a reward, I will grant you a single wish. Anything at all.
George: That's easy! I want to be rich!
Genie: Your wish has been granted!
Rich: You bastard!
Never try to eat soup with a fork. It's too much of a strain.
My father must surely be looking down on me today! No, he isn't dead... he's just extremely contemptuous.
A firearms manufacturer has developed a long-gun that can fire three bullets at once. He thinks it's a major step forward, but so far the military considers it a trifle.
Do you ever find that you're talking to yourself?
Pardon me, I wasn't speaking to you.
My wife and I longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. He's cheaper than a kid, and you get more feet.
It's Christmas, remember, not Chlistmas. Noel.
A man comes to the checkout counter with an artificial Christmas tree, the kind that needs extensive assembly.
Clerk: Sir, do you plan to put this up yourself?
Costumer: Don't be revolting! I'm going to put it up in the living room!
Today I made a dog shake. Didn't care for it... too much fur in the ice cream.
Mario and Luigi board a crowded bus. They're soon engaged in a spirited conversation.
Mario: Emma, she come first. Then I come. Two asses together, then I come once more. Two more asses... I pee twice, then I come one last time.
Eavesdropper: Hey, pervert! Keep your voice down! None of the rest of us want to hear such vulgar talk!
Luigi: 'Scus'a me lady, what'sa wrong? My brother, he only explain to me how you spell "Mississippi"!
"I'm scared sick about this mad cow disease," states the first. "Aren't you?"
"Why should I be?" replies the second. "I'm a choo-choo train!"
* * *
No robot can have a brother. The closest it can come is a trans sister.
* * *
Did you know there was a unicorn in a pen next to Hellen Keller's house?
Neither did she.
* * *
My roommate is a gay midget, but he's proud of it. He came out of the cupboard.
* * *
Don't hang with cows at night. They're up till pasture bedtime.
* * *
I was fired from my hospital job, and all for following instructions! That sign clearly stated: "Stroke Patients Downstairs"!
* * *
A victim of Multiple Personality Disorder will instantly recognize someone else with the same condition. It takes ten to know ten.
* * *
My sister frightened her gynecologist practically to death. He had no idea she was a ventriloquist.
* * *
Though they're the same color, Donald Trump will never be mistaken for an orange. Citrus fruit have thick skins.
* * *
People say I have my mother's eyes. If they can't find the evidence, they've got no damn business accusing me!
* * *
Any man who farts in church sits in his own pew.
* * *
I made my first snowman today. Damn near froze my dick off.
* * *
Genie: You have released me from the magic lamp! As a reward, I will grant you a single wish. Anything at all.
George: That's easy! I want to be rich!
Genie: Your wish has been granted!
Rich: You bastard!
* * *
Never try to eat soup with a fork. It's too much of a strain.
* * *
My father must surely be looking down on me today! No, he isn't dead... he's just extremely contemptuous.
* * *
A firearms manufacturer has developed a long-gun that can fire three bullets at once. He thinks it's a major step forward, but so far the military considers it a trifle.
* * *
Do you ever find that you're talking to yourself?
Pardon me, I wasn't speaking to you.
* * *
My wife and I longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. He's cheaper than a kid, and you get more feet.
* * *
It's Christmas, remember, not Chlistmas. Noel.
* * *
A man comes to the checkout counter with an artificial Christmas tree, the kind that needs extensive assembly.
Clerk: Sir, do you plan to put this up yourself?
Costumer: Don't be revolting! I'm going to put it up in the living room!
* * *
Today I made a dog shake. Didn't care for it... too much fur in the ice cream.
* * *
Mario and Luigi board a crowded bus. They're soon engaged in a spirited conversation.
Mario: Emma, she come first. Then I come. Two asses together, then I come once more. Two more asses... I pee twice, then I come one last time.
Eavesdropper: Hey, pervert! Keep your voice down! None of the rest of us want to hear such vulgar talk!
Luigi: 'Scus'a me lady, what'sa wrong? My brother, he only explain to me how you spell "Mississippi"!
