Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Boy 1: My dad is better than your dad!
Boy 2: Well, my mom is better than your mom!
Boy 1: You may be right... my dad says that too.
A completed pregnancy makes my wife feel young again. It brings out her inner child.
Don't let a volleyball player anywhere near your drink... not unless you want it spiked.
For her birthday, I planned to chauffeur my girlfriend, just like she was a princess. And I did... unfortunately, it was just like Princess Diana.
A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender looks down and says, "Hey, buddy, I think you're in the wrong joke."
Elsewhere, a drunk is trying to stagger across a road...
My ex-girlfriend was into auto-erotic asphyxia... she wanted to be strangled to the point that she turned blue. What a crazy time to find out I was color blind!
Pirate gunner: Cap'in! The cannons be ready to fire!
Captain Grammer: Arrrrre!
I plan to stay chaste my whole life. It'll set a good example for my kids.
Top US policy is conducted in the Oval Office. That's because the government likes to cut corners.
I wish now I'd listened to the advice Mom gave me when I was young. What did she say? Dunno... I wasn't listening.
Hear about the guy who made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for the most concussions ever? He lives a stone's throw away.
I won't let our town barber cut my hair any longer. I came in to get it shortened.
Innkeeper: The room costs 20 dollars. But I'll knock off 5 if you make your own bed.
Traveler: Ha! I don't need no maid service! Sure, I'll make my bed.
Innkeeper: Fine. I'll get you boards and a hammer.
I hate it when the homeless shake their change cups at me. They don't have to rub it in that they've got more cash than I do.
I just saw a fascinating documentary on marihuana. I enjoyed it so much I've decided to watch every movie that way.
What, after all, is a female without a male?
Merely a fe.
I'd just bought my Christmas ham, when some vandal defaced it by scrawling an "s" on the front end and an "e" in back. What a shame!
The superhero Flash has a few gray hairs now. It actually makes him quite dashing.
I don't know what I'd do without my fingers. I can always count on them.
A misbehaving student was forced to write on the blackboard "I am a bad, bad boy" so many times that he finally passed away. He was sentenced to death.
My therapist told me I should be more spontaneous and less contemplative. It's certainly something to think about.
Nerd: Santa, I want a dragon for Christmas.
Santa: A dragon?! Ho ho ho! Young man, dragons are imaginary! You need to be more realistic.
Nerd: Okay. How about a girlfriend?
Santa: And what color dragon did you have in mind?
Boy 2: Well, my mom is better than your mom!
Boy 1: You may be right... my dad says that too.
* * *
A completed pregnancy makes my wife feel young again. It brings out her inner child.
* * *
Don't let a volleyball player anywhere near your drink... not unless you want it spiked.
* * *
For her birthday, I planned to chauffeur my girlfriend, just like she was a princess. And I did... unfortunately, it was just like Princess Diana.
* * *
A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender looks down and says, "Hey, buddy, I think you're in the wrong joke."
Elsewhere, a drunk is trying to stagger across a road...
* * *
My ex-girlfriend was into auto-erotic asphyxia... she wanted to be strangled to the point that she turned blue. What a crazy time to find out I was color blind!
* * *
Pirate gunner: Cap'in! The cannons be ready to fire!
Captain Grammer: Arrrrre!
* * *
I plan to stay chaste my whole life. It'll set a good example for my kids.
* * *
Top US policy is conducted in the Oval Office. That's because the government likes to cut corners.
* * *
I wish now I'd listened to the advice Mom gave me when I was young. What did she say? Dunno... I wasn't listening.
* * *
Hear about the guy who made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for the most concussions ever? He lives a stone's throw away.
* * *
I won't let our town barber cut my hair any longer. I came in to get it shortened.
* * *
Innkeeper: The room costs 20 dollars. But I'll knock off 5 if you make your own bed.
Traveler: Ha! I don't need no maid service! Sure, I'll make my bed.
Innkeeper: Fine. I'll get you boards and a hammer.
* * *
I hate it when the homeless shake their change cups at me. They don't have to rub it in that they've got more cash than I do.
* * *
I just saw a fascinating documentary on marihuana. I enjoyed it so much I've decided to watch every movie that way.
* * *
What, after all, is a female without a male?
Merely a fe.
* * *
I'd just bought my Christmas ham, when some vandal defaced it by scrawling an "s" on the front end and an "e" in back. What a shame!
* * *
The superhero Flash has a few gray hairs now. It actually makes him quite dashing.
* * *
I don't know what I'd do without my fingers. I can always count on them.
* * *
A misbehaving student was forced to write on the blackboard "I am a bad, bad boy" so many times that he finally passed away. He was sentenced to death.
* * *
My therapist told me I should be more spontaneous and less contemplative. It's certainly something to think about.
* * *
Nerd: Santa, I want a dragon for Christmas.
Santa: A dragon?! Ho ho ho! Young man, dragons are imaginary! You need to be more realistic.
Nerd: Okay. How about a girlfriend?
Santa: And what color dragon did you have in mind?
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