Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]I didn’t receive a single blessed thing for Christmas last year! Never thought I’d be a stocking victim.
Peas: “Looks like we’re gonna be leftovers for a second straight night. I see the cook breaking out Reynolds Wrap.”
Carrots: “Curses! Foiled again!”
Back when I used to work on a cargo ship, I once fell overboard and was swallowed by a whale. It was a desperate situation, but I knew just what to do: I ran around in that big belly for 20 straight minutes until I was pooped out.
The video game “World Safari 2” offers twice as much deer hunting as the original “World Safari”. You get a lot more bang for the buck.
I’m getting pretty sick and tired of listening to my little nephew: all he does is brag about his new race car bed! Big deal! Me, I sleep in an actual car!
Christmas Day is exactly the same as any day at the office: you may do all the work, but it’s a fat guy in a suit who gets all the credit.
In high school, I had a really tough time passing my Greek Mythology class. You might say it was my Achilles Elbow.
Hear about the red blood cell that fell in love with the white blood cell? A tragic tale... it was all in vein.
I got up real late yesterday and managed to miss my uncle’s funeral. But then, I’ve never been much of a mourning person.
You never see Thomas the Train sitting down. Small wonder... I’m told he has a tender behind.
I used to be a troubadour at the Renaissance Fair. Had to give it up; I played the lute for so long, I developed minstrel cramps.
It’s my brother’s obsession to become a monorail driver. He has a one-track mind.
Hear about the family physician with fake medical degrees? They were doctored credentials.
We ought to be buying our oil from Israel instead of other Middle Eastern sources. It lasts 8 days for every 1.
I lost my father because of cigarettes. The day I was born, he went out to buy some and never came back.
Working at home is okay for some folks. For firefighters, it’s a disaster.
I got terrible letters during the big Scrabble game last night. Why they sent separate death notices for my aunt and uncle, I don’t know.
Whether or not faith can move mountains has yet to be verified. We have, however, seen what it can do for skyscrapers.
My wife caught me in bed with her sister. It’s the inevitable outcome when you marry a Siamese twin.
The difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus: Santa quit after three Ho’s.
I go to a chiropractor now. My wife recommended it... she told me to prove I had a spine.
Viking chieftain Rudolph, brother to Erik the Red, surveyed the ocean to determine if conditions were right for another raiding voyage.
“Not this day,” he declared at last. “Those clouds upon the horizon portend a terrible rainstorm.”
“Are you certain?” questioned his loyal wife. “They look to be so far away.”
“Yes, it is certain,” he assured his beloved. “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”[/FONT]
* * *
Peas: “Looks like we’re gonna be leftovers for a second straight night. I see the cook breaking out Reynolds Wrap.”
Carrots: “Curses! Foiled again!”
* * *
Back when I used to work on a cargo ship, I once fell overboard and was swallowed by a whale. It was a desperate situation, but I knew just what to do: I ran around in that big belly for 20 straight minutes until I was pooped out.
* * *
The video game “World Safari 2” offers twice as much deer hunting as the original “World Safari”. You get a lot more bang for the buck.
* * *
I’m getting pretty sick and tired of listening to my little nephew: all he does is brag about his new race car bed! Big deal! Me, I sleep in an actual car!
* * *
Christmas Day is exactly the same as any day at the office: you may do all the work, but it’s a fat guy in a suit who gets all the credit.
* * *
In high school, I had a really tough time passing my Greek Mythology class. You might say it was my Achilles Elbow.
* * *
Hear about the red blood cell that fell in love with the white blood cell? A tragic tale... it was all in vein.
* * *
I got up real late yesterday and managed to miss my uncle’s funeral. But then, I’ve never been much of a mourning person.
* * *
You never see Thomas the Train sitting down. Small wonder... I’m told he has a tender behind.
* * *
I used to be a troubadour at the Renaissance Fair. Had to give it up; I played the lute for so long, I developed minstrel cramps.
* * *
It’s my brother’s obsession to become a monorail driver. He has a one-track mind.
* * *
Hear about the family physician with fake medical degrees? They were doctored credentials.
* * *
We ought to be buying our oil from Israel instead of other Middle Eastern sources. It lasts 8 days for every 1.
* * *
I lost my father because of cigarettes. The day I was born, he went out to buy some and never came back.
* * *
Working at home is okay for some folks. For firefighters, it’s a disaster.
* * *
I got terrible letters during the big Scrabble game last night. Why they sent separate death notices for my aunt and uncle, I don’t know.
* * *
Whether or not faith can move mountains has yet to be verified. We have, however, seen what it can do for skyscrapers.
* * *
My wife caught me in bed with her sister. It’s the inevitable outcome when you marry a Siamese twin.
* * *
The difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus: Santa quit after three Ho’s.
* * *
I go to a chiropractor now. My wife recommended it... she told me to prove I had a spine.
* * *
Viking chieftain Rudolph, brother to Erik the Red, surveyed the ocean to determine if conditions were right for another raiding voyage.
“Not this day,” he declared at last. “Those clouds upon the horizon portend a terrible rainstorm.”
“Are you certain?” questioned his loyal wife. “They look to be so far away.”
“Yes, it is certain,” he assured his beloved. “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”[/FONT]
