Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Mexican cops are a lot more efficient than US cops. Each of them is able to finish a case a dia.
Superhero standards are a lot different than ours. I once asked the Avengers about the sneery, flashy guy in the horned helmet. They all seemed to think that he was low-key.
Here in the US, our hands have knuckles. Canada is a little different; there, they have canuckles.
I've hoped and prayed nightly for my wife to be looking down from Heaven to see how I truly feel about her. Imagine my disappointment upon waking to find her still alive.
In Poe's most famous poem, some poor guy is terrified of a scary black bird. It's easy to see why... it's a raven lunatic.
My little nephew, a couch potato at only five, snarls viciously when anyone tries to change the TV channel. It's so distressing... he's become a dictator tot.
Passenger: "This is my first time on a cruise ship and I'm rather nervous about sinking. How far away from land are we?"
Mate: "Only one mile, ma'am."
Passenger: "Oh, that's reassuring! Which direction is it?"
Mate: "Straight down."
My wife's been missing for a week now. The Police Chief told me I better prepare for the worst, so I'm heading for the Goodwill to buy back all her clothes.
We'd all be better off without gravity. Once you eliminate it, the rest is gravy!
I was bullied unmercifully in grade school. Once, a bunch of hooligans roughed me up and made me swallow my wrist watch. I just wished the day would end, so my mom took me to the pharmacy to help pass the time.
Elon Musk must have spent time on Mandalore... he claims to have the beskar.
I just got a preview of the next "Fast and Furious" movie and let me tell you, the new cars are incredibly tricked out! Huge spoilers ahead!
Hear about the Jehovah's Witness who went to spread the word of God at Jurassic Park? Word has it he vanished in the Raptor.
Santa had to recall 10,000 wooden soldiers; turns out they were made of naughty pine.
Santa has a psychiatrist on hand to make sure that none of his work force cracks up during the pressure-filled Christmas season. The guy is a mental elf expert.
Did you know there's a certain kind of tree that can't be burned? According to Smokey Bear, only yew can prevent forest fires.
Q: Where did the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live after they got evicted from the sewers?
A: In a cowabungalow.
I recorded many LPs back when vinyl was the main music medium; yesterday I found a big stash of them I'd entirely forgotten about. It was an exercise in self-discography.
Blonde: "That bathtub you sold me is no good! I can't fill it up; the water just keeps running down the drain!"
Salesman: "Why didn't you stick in the plug?"
Blonde: "Damn it, you never told me it was electric!"
A man stranded on a barren island finds a bottle containing a magic genie that grants him one wish. Three weeks later, rescuers find a corpse with a three foot long dick.
All the sleep stages are important in their own way and each of them has distinctive characteristics. In Light Sleep, your respiration slows. In Deep Sleep, your cells begin to repair themselves. And in REM Sleep, of course, you begin losing your religion.
She: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
He: "If I tell the truth, you'll get mad at me."
She: "Calm down. I promise I won't be upset no matter what you say."
He: "Great! I slept with your sister last week!"
* * *
Superhero standards are a lot different than ours. I once asked the Avengers about the sneery, flashy guy in the horned helmet. They all seemed to think that he was low-key.
* * *
Here in the US, our hands have knuckles. Canada is a little different; there, they have canuckles.
* * *
I've hoped and prayed nightly for my wife to be looking down from Heaven to see how I truly feel about her. Imagine my disappointment upon waking to find her still alive.
* * *
In Poe's most famous poem, some poor guy is terrified of a scary black bird. It's easy to see why... it's a raven lunatic.
* * *
My little nephew, a couch potato at only five, snarls viciously when anyone tries to change the TV channel. It's so distressing... he's become a dictator tot.
* * *
Passenger: "This is my first time on a cruise ship and I'm rather nervous about sinking. How far away from land are we?"
Mate: "Only one mile, ma'am."
Passenger: "Oh, that's reassuring! Which direction is it?"
Mate: "Straight down."
* * *
My wife's been missing for a week now. The Police Chief told me I better prepare for the worst, so I'm heading for the Goodwill to buy back all her clothes.
* * *
We'd all be better off without gravity. Once you eliminate it, the rest is gravy!
* * *
I was bullied unmercifully in grade school. Once, a bunch of hooligans roughed me up and made me swallow my wrist watch. I just wished the day would end, so my mom took me to the pharmacy to help pass the time.
* * *
Elon Musk must have spent time on Mandalore... he claims to have the beskar.
* * *
I just got a preview of the next "Fast and Furious" movie and let me tell you, the new cars are incredibly tricked out! Huge spoilers ahead!
* * *
Hear about the Jehovah's Witness who went to spread the word of God at Jurassic Park? Word has it he vanished in the Raptor.
* * *
Santa had to recall 10,000 wooden soldiers; turns out they were made of naughty pine.
* * *
Santa has a psychiatrist on hand to make sure that none of his work force cracks up during the pressure-filled Christmas season. The guy is a mental elf expert.
* * *
Did you know there's a certain kind of tree that can't be burned? According to Smokey Bear, only yew can prevent forest fires.
* * *
Q: Where did the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live after they got evicted from the sewers?
A: In a cowabungalow.
* * *
I recorded many LPs back when vinyl was the main music medium; yesterday I found a big stash of them I'd entirely forgotten about. It was an exercise in self-discography.
* * *
Blonde: "That bathtub you sold me is no good! I can't fill it up; the water just keeps running down the drain!"
Salesman: "Why didn't you stick in the plug?"
Blonde: "Damn it, you never told me it was electric!"
* * *
A man stranded on a barren island finds a bottle containing a magic genie that grants him one wish. Three weeks later, rescuers find a corpse with a three foot long dick.
* * *
All the sleep stages are important in their own way and each of them has distinctive characteristics. In Light Sleep, your respiration slows. In Deep Sleep, your cells begin to repair themselves. And in REM Sleep, of course, you begin losing your religion.
* * *
She: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
He: "If I tell the truth, you'll get mad at me."
She: "Calm down. I promise I won't be upset no matter what you say."
He: "Great! I slept with your sister last week!"
