Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
What with new, bizarre food choices, diet fads are crazier today than ever before… I once got a half pound of meat out of a single fly! It was a meal to remember! The only downside is I can no longer have children.
The band Nena has re-recorded its big ‘80s hit, but there’s been a title change. The song is now called “98 Luftballoons”.
I’d never been to a circus before, so when Ringling Brothers hit town I went out of my way to attend. There was plenty to see… the most fascinating moment happened when 20 clowns crowded into a little car and went speeding in circles around the center arena. It was the first time I’d ever actually witnessed a human trafficking ring.
Q: What do casino mobsters do to make slot machine quarters untraceable?
A: Take them to the coin laundry.
I used to masturbate exclusively; lately, though, I’ve been bangin’ more babes than I can count. My sex life ‘s gotten completely out of hand!
Mrs. Lovett, Sweeney Todd’s accomplice, had a hard time keeping her pie shop staffed. There was a great deal of employee turnover.
I called for an Uber the other day; imagine my consternation when I saw it was being driven by a furry! I thought the guy might be unbalanced, but he explained that he was cosplaying at a convention and hadn’t had time to change. What I was looking at was the show fur.
Those on the far left are known for being coffee drinkers. It’s become a symbol of their woke agenda.
Last week, I learned all about confirmation bias. Now I know what to look for, I see it everywhere!
Q: How many minutes does it take Charles Boyer to change a lightbulb?
A: None. He’s only interested in gas lighting.
Men are like floorboards: lay ‘em right and you can walk all over ‘em for years.
Men are also like finances: those with few funds don’t generate much interest.
The folks in my church group never gossip about or demean anyone. Frankly, I don’t know how much longer I can take their company; the whole bunch of them are ridicule-less.
Another term for missionary position: delivering the semen on the mount.
In my experience, mathematicians never get mugged or assaulted. Just goes to prove the old saying: there’s safety in numbers.
Q: Where is the proper place to insert IVs on extraterrestrials?
A: Use their four arms.
My dad’s aging like fine wine. I leave him coated with dust in a dark basement.
R. Kelly’s biography was just released, but a lot of people may not get it. It only comes as a pdf file.
I’ve started a campaign to end childhood obesity and am quite optimistic about its success! Should be easy as taking candy from a baby!
Employer: “It’s the third day in a row you’ve come in late! What’s the meaning of this?”
Employee: “Only one thing I can think of… must be Wednesday.”
My wife’s upset that I ate the last piece of pie in the fridge. She may have a point… there really wasn’t any good reason not to bring it out to the table.
She: “See that drunk over at the bar? That’s the guy I dated before I got married to you. When I told him it was all over, he came straight here and hasn’t been sober since!”
He: “Good Lord! Who’d have thought a guy could spend that much time celebrating!"
* * *
The band Nena has re-recorded its big ‘80s hit, but there’s been a title change. The song is now called “98 Luftballoons”.
* * *
I’d never been to a circus before, so when Ringling Brothers hit town I went out of my way to attend. There was plenty to see… the most fascinating moment happened when 20 clowns crowded into a little car and went speeding in circles around the center arena. It was the first time I’d ever actually witnessed a human trafficking ring.
* * *
Q: What do casino mobsters do to make slot machine quarters untraceable?
A: Take them to the coin laundry.
* * *
I used to masturbate exclusively; lately, though, I’ve been bangin’ more babes than I can count. My sex life ‘s gotten completely out of hand!
* * *
Mrs. Lovett, Sweeney Todd’s accomplice, had a hard time keeping her pie shop staffed. There was a great deal of employee turnover.
* * *
I called for an Uber the other day; imagine my consternation when I saw it was being driven by a furry! I thought the guy might be unbalanced, but he explained that he was cosplaying at a convention and hadn’t had time to change. What I was looking at was the show fur.
* * *
Those on the far left are known for being coffee drinkers. It’s become a symbol of their woke agenda.
* * *
Last week, I learned all about confirmation bias. Now I know what to look for, I see it everywhere!
* * *
Q: How many minutes does it take Charles Boyer to change a lightbulb?
A: None. He’s only interested in gas lighting.
* * *
Men are like floorboards: lay ‘em right and you can walk all over ‘em for years.
* * *
Men are also like finances: those with few funds don’t generate much interest.
* * *
The folks in my church group never gossip about or demean anyone. Frankly, I don’t know how much longer I can take their company; the whole bunch of them are ridicule-less.
* * *
Another term for missionary position: delivering the semen on the mount.
* * *
In my experience, mathematicians never get mugged or assaulted. Just goes to prove the old saying: there’s safety in numbers.
* * *
Q: Where is the proper place to insert IVs on extraterrestrials?
A: Use their four arms.
* * *
My dad’s aging like fine wine. I leave him coated with dust in a dark basement.
* * *
R. Kelly’s biography was just released, but a lot of people may not get it. It only comes as a pdf file.
* * *
I’ve started a campaign to end childhood obesity and am quite optimistic about its success! Should be easy as taking candy from a baby!
* * *
Employer: “It’s the third day in a row you’ve come in late! What’s the meaning of this?”
Employee: “Only one thing I can think of… must be Wednesday.”
* * *
My wife’s upset that I ate the last piece of pie in the fridge. She may have a point… there really wasn’t any good reason not to bring it out to the table.
* * *
She: “See that drunk over at the bar? That’s the guy I dated before I got married to you. When I told him it was all over, he came straight here and hasn’t been sober since!”
He: “Good Lord! Who’d have thought a guy could spend that much time celebrating!"
