Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Gandalf used to pay a group of underlings to do most of his menial wizard work. It wasn't until the War with Sauron that he lost his staff.
Jehovah's Witnesses get hungry going door-to-door and you'll frequently see them snacking throughout the day. Which junk food do they prefer? Mostly Ding Dongs.
Cannibal children play their kids' games, just as children in all societies do. There are differences, of course, but many of them will sound familiar: for instance, Swallow the Leader.
I told my kids to get into the car so I could take them to the state expo, where they could eat all the cotton candy they wanted and go on all the rides. Instead, I drove them to the doctor's for their checkups. Needless to say, they felt cheated; they said it just wasn't fair.
Lyndon Johnson was a great help in attracting gay Mexican-American males during John Kennedy's presidential campaign. A lot of it had to do with name recognition: El BJ.
As soon as our family turned nudist, my wife lost a lot of her incentive. Without any dresses to launder, she's become shiftless.
The difference between a cactus and school bus: with a cactus, all the little pricks are on the outside.
My brother's been working for years as an arborist at a landscaping firm and now he brags that he just got a big promotion to branch manager. Hard to see this as a step up... isn't it what he's been doing all along?
Hear about the baker who wants to make authentic Korean pastry? He's using Taekwon dough.
Q: What does a non-believer use to stir his Christmas beverage?
A: An eggnog stick.
I promised to help my cousin get even with the drug dealers who framed him. Well, I'm here to tell you that what they did was wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! As you can see, I'm mighty good at writing wrongs.
Q: The Scots Guards are always on the move. Why do they march so much?
A: To get away from the bagpipes.
I'm sick to death of people coming to my door, asking if I've found Jesus. It wasn't my business to watch him and if they didn't want him to get away, they should have used more nails.
Spartans make lousy cashiers... they neither give nor do they accept any quarter.
I'd like to visit the International Space Station, but authorities have placed in an orbit that's higher than my rocket can reach. Why? It's beyond me!
School principal: "This is Zero-Tolerance Week. I want you to get up in front of your class and deliver a stern lecture on marijuana."
Teacher: "I'll do my best. But weed always tends to mellow me out."
The Ents came late into the War for Middle Earth; they couldn't figure out which side to root for.
"Is this a smoke shop?"
"No, it's a tailor shop; clothes, but no cigar."
For years I've been making sandwiches the usual way, with two pieces of bread. I've been looking for someone with only one slice so we can form a club.
Ever hear about the Russian trailhand? The rest of the cowboys called him Old O Leg.
I bought three fish for dinner and foolishly left them in the kitchen with my cat. What did I find when I got back?... tuna half.
My little son wants his own computer, but I'm dead set against it. I won't allow him to pursue any activity that puts him in contact with PDF files.
* * *
Jehovah's Witnesses get hungry going door-to-door and you'll frequently see them snacking throughout the day. Which junk food do they prefer? Mostly Ding Dongs.
* * *
Cannibal children play their kids' games, just as children in all societies do. There are differences, of course, but many of them will sound familiar: for instance, Swallow the Leader.
* * *
I told my kids to get into the car so I could take them to the state expo, where they could eat all the cotton candy they wanted and go on all the rides. Instead, I drove them to the doctor's for their checkups. Needless to say, they felt cheated; they said it just wasn't fair.
* * *
Lyndon Johnson was a great help in attracting gay Mexican-American males during John Kennedy's presidential campaign. A lot of it had to do with name recognition: El BJ.
* * *
As soon as our family turned nudist, my wife lost a lot of her incentive. Without any dresses to launder, she's become shiftless.
* * *
The difference between a cactus and school bus: with a cactus, all the little pricks are on the outside.
* * *
My brother's been working for years as an arborist at a landscaping firm and now he brags that he just got a big promotion to branch manager. Hard to see this as a step up... isn't it what he's been doing all along?
* * *
Hear about the baker who wants to make authentic Korean pastry? He's using Taekwon dough.
* * *
Q: What does a non-believer use to stir his Christmas beverage?
A: An eggnog stick.
* * *
I promised to help my cousin get even with the drug dealers who framed him. Well, I'm here to tell you that what they did was wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! As you can see, I'm mighty good at writing wrongs.
* * *
Q: The Scots Guards are always on the move. Why do they march so much?
A: To get away from the bagpipes.
* * *
I'm sick to death of people coming to my door, asking if I've found Jesus. It wasn't my business to watch him and if they didn't want him to get away, they should have used more nails.
* * *
Spartans make lousy cashiers... they neither give nor do they accept any quarter.
* * *
I'd like to visit the International Space Station, but authorities have placed in an orbit that's higher than my rocket can reach. Why? It's beyond me!
* * *
School principal: "This is Zero-Tolerance Week. I want you to get up in front of your class and deliver a stern lecture on marijuana."
Teacher: "I'll do my best. But weed always tends to mellow me out."
* * *
The Ents came late into the War for Middle Earth; they couldn't figure out which side to root for.
* * *
"Is this a smoke shop?"
"No, it's a tailor shop; clothes, but no cigar."
* * *
For years I've been making sandwiches the usual way, with two pieces of bread. I've been looking for someone with only one slice so we can form a club.
* * *
Ever hear about the Russian trailhand? The rest of the cowboys called him Old O Leg.
* * *
I bought three fish for dinner and foolishly left them in the kitchen with my cat. What did I find when I got back?... tuna half.
* * *
My little son wants his own computer, but I'm dead set against it. I won't allow him to pursue any activity that puts him in contact with PDF files.
