Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My wife keeps a copy of the Constitution in the magazine rack. No, she's not a super patriot... she only reads it for the articles.
Migraine pain must be illusory; it's all in your head.
A lot of movie stars do drugs these days. I don't care for the trend... never been all that fond of meth-head acting.
Blonde: I just saw this in an email... "IDK". What the heck does that mean?
Brunette: I Don't Know.
Blonde: Darn! Nobody seems to!
My girlfriend has a scrotum fetish; finds mine quite attractive. Personally, I think it's pretty nuts.
I was working in the warehouse, when a whole load of Omega 3 capsules collapsed on top of me. I had injuries, but all of them were super fish oil.
How can you tell if a sentence is masculine or feminine?
Check to see if it has a period.
I burned 2,000 calories today! Guess I'll have to bake a fresh batch of brownies tomorrow.
A team of programmers is turning Hitler's memoirs into a video game. They're calling it "Mein Kraft".
A blood-sucking bug attached itself to my arm. Fortunately, I noticed and removed it with a pair of tweezers. Boy, was it ticked off!
Why did the Americans get to the moon instead of the Russians?
The Russians were disqualified for using asteroids.
My girlfriend got rich collecting honey from bee hives. She's definitely a keeper!
The actress who was so sexy in "Basic Instinct" is today menopausal. Small surprise... you can't get blood from a Stone.
My hens have been laying so well, I treated them to a big bucket of KFC! Gotta say, they've really been enjoying themselves!
Practice safe snacking! Always use a condiment!
I don't want Trump anywhere near nuclear missiles. At the rate he's going, he's sure to fire them!
Prison is like the shift key on a typewriter... it turns "o" into "O".
I've been suffering from extreme diarrhea... gotta stop eating at the In N Out Burger.
Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
I hadn't been in jail 5 minutes before I got raped. My family has a very poor understanding of how Monopoly's played.
A thief stole a thousand pounds of wheat, but is now having trouble fencing his ill-gotten grains.
My lesbian neighbor gave me a Rolex for my birthday. Very generous, but she completely misunderstood when I told her, "I wanna watch."
* * *
Migraine pain must be illusory; it's all in your head.
* * *
A lot of movie stars do drugs these days. I don't care for the trend... never been all that fond of meth-head acting.
* * *
Blonde: I just saw this in an email... "IDK". What the heck does that mean?
Brunette: I Don't Know.
Blonde: Darn! Nobody seems to!
* * *
My girlfriend has a scrotum fetish; finds mine quite attractive. Personally, I think it's pretty nuts.
* * *
I was working in the warehouse, when a whole load of Omega 3 capsules collapsed on top of me. I had injuries, but all of them were super fish oil.
* * *
How can you tell if a sentence is masculine or feminine?
Check to see if it has a period.
* * *
I burned 2,000 calories today! Guess I'll have to bake a fresh batch of brownies tomorrow.
* * *
A team of programmers is turning Hitler's memoirs into a video game. They're calling it "Mein Kraft".
* * *
A blood-sucking bug attached itself to my arm. Fortunately, I noticed and removed it with a pair of tweezers. Boy, was it ticked off!
* * *
Why did the Americans get to the moon instead of the Russians?
The Russians were disqualified for using asteroids.
* * *
My girlfriend got rich collecting honey from bee hives. She's definitely a keeper!
* * *
The actress who was so sexy in "Basic Instinct" is today menopausal. Small surprise... you can't get blood from a Stone.
* * *
My hens have been laying so well, I treated them to a big bucket of KFC! Gotta say, they've really been enjoying themselves!
* * *
Practice safe snacking! Always use a condiment!
* * *
I don't want Trump anywhere near nuclear missiles. At the rate he's going, he's sure to fire them!
* * *
Prison is like the shift key on a typewriter... it turns "o" into "O".
* * *
I've been suffering from extreme diarrhea... gotta stop eating at the In N Out Burger.
* * *
Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
* * *
I hadn't been in jail 5 minutes before I got raped. My family has a very poor understanding of how Monopoly's played.
* * *
A thief stole a thousand pounds of wheat, but is now having trouble fencing his ill-gotten grains.
* * *
My lesbian neighbor gave me a Rolex for my birthday. Very generous, but she completely misunderstood when I told her, "I wanna watch."
