Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
A new US interrogation center is being set up in Alaska, and the terrorists couldn't be happier. Who doesn't love snowboarding!
I'd rather have a gun than a wife. You can put a silencer on a gun.
An epicure named Cole is famed for having discovered the correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on cabbage and its improved flavor. The phenomenon is today known as Cole's Law.
I was eager to invest in Egyptian tourism until I found out it's just a pyramid scheme.
How can you tell if a dance exercise is going to be high class or sleazy?
Check to see if the brass pole is horizontal or vertical.
My brother threw a bottle of Coke at me. Fortunately, it's a soft drink.
When a woman says she'll be ready in five minutes, she means five minutes! No need to bug her about it every half hour!
My sister's left leg is significantly shorter than her right. Her name?... Eileen.
Her best friend is Japanese, and has exactly the same complaint. That girl's name?... Irene.
Our local lifeguard is unsinkable! His name: Bob.
Our town's old war veteran lost both his arms and both his legs in battle. Today he lies around all day long on the porch. His name: Matt.
Donald Trump is still serious about building his wall. Mexicans are upset, but I'm sure they'll get over it.
My cousin called my new girlfriend a 10... which would be fine, except that he's a seismologist.
How much cocaine has Charlie Sheen taken?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
That new book about poltergeists must be popular; it's flying off the shelves.
I know a guy who had his diseased testicles removed without any anesthetic. Man, that took balls!
Three Mexican illegals crossed the border. They were trespassers.
Q: How does a gospel singer clear his throat?
A: A hymn.
"Do Not Touch!" can be a scary message... especially when it's read in Braille.
You know the prehistoric land-mass Pangea?... people are starting to mispronounce it with a hard G instead of a soft one. It's a textbook instance of consonantal drift.
How does the modern spider locate his mate?
Through web dating.
One brother builds wooden furniture; the other spray-enamel's autos... the difference between a carpenter and a car painter.
I've always been law-abiding, but my Siamese twin brother is an incarcerated criminal. How con-fusing!
* * *
I'd rather have a gun than a wife. You can put a silencer on a gun.
* * *
An epicure named Cole is famed for having discovered the correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on cabbage and its improved flavor. The phenomenon is today known as Cole's Law.
* * *
I was eager to invest in Egyptian tourism until I found out it's just a pyramid scheme.
* * *
How can you tell if a dance exercise is going to be high class or sleazy?
Check to see if the brass pole is horizontal or vertical.
* * *
My brother threw a bottle of Coke at me. Fortunately, it's a soft drink.
* * *
When a woman says she'll be ready in five minutes, she means five minutes! No need to bug her about it every half hour!
* * *
My sister's left leg is significantly shorter than her right. Her name?... Eileen.
Her best friend is Japanese, and has exactly the same complaint. That girl's name?... Irene.
* * *
Our local lifeguard is unsinkable! His name: Bob.
* * *
Our town's old war veteran lost both his arms and both his legs in battle. Today he lies around all day long on the porch. His name: Matt.
* * *
Donald Trump is still serious about building his wall. Mexicans are upset, but I'm sure they'll get over it.
* * *
My cousin called my new girlfriend a 10... which would be fine, except that he's a seismologist.
* * *
How much cocaine has Charlie Sheen taken?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
* * *
That new book about poltergeists must be popular; it's flying off the shelves.
* * *
I know a guy who had his diseased testicles removed without any anesthetic. Man, that took balls!
* * *
Three Mexican illegals crossed the border. They were trespassers.
* * *
Q: How does a gospel singer clear his throat?
A: A hymn.
* * *
"Do Not Touch!" can be a scary message... especially when it's read in Braille.
* * *
You know the prehistoric land-mass Pangea?... people are starting to mispronounce it with a hard G instead of a soft one. It's a textbook instance of consonantal drift.
* * *
How does the modern spider locate his mate?
Through web dating.
* * *
One brother builds wooden furniture; the other spray-enamel's autos... the difference between a carpenter and a car painter.
* * *
I've always been law-abiding, but my Siamese twin brother is an incarcerated criminal. How con-fusing!
