Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Thor was the Norse God of Thunder, renowned for his shining, golden hair. With his mighty hammer, he fought alongside his brother, who was Balder.
My rich uncle died and left me only $25.00 as an inheritance! That's what I call an ill will!
Q: After the winter, how can a honey bee tell it's time to start collection pollen again?
A: Due to its swarm.
"My cousin's in the hospital. Can't walk, see or even say anything right now."
"Sorry to hear it! How horrible!"
"Naw, that's pretty normal for a newborn."
Crash investigators have examined the tires of Tiger Woods' car, assuming that a blowout probably caused the accident. As expected, they saw a hole it one.
I was supposed to go to English class today, but I must have attended Political Science instead. The teacher kept saying, "Past: perfect. Present: tense."
A human fly fell off the side of the building to his death. Investigators aren't sure if it was an accident or if he committed insecticide.
I have the memory of an elephant; pretty sure I saw it at the zoo when I was ten.
Q: Where do fish go for nose jobs?
A: To a plastic sturgeon.
My wife got pissed off at me at dinner and chucked the margarine tub into my face. That was last week, and I still have a black eye... I can't believe it's not better!
You can make a really refreshing beverage by brewing eucalyptus leaves. It's quality koala tea!
I heard this joke about Neverland in which Cap'n Hook kills Peter, then sends his body back to London for burial. It's simple to tell, but requires a dead Pan delivery.
Wonder Woman may have wanted to popularize the notion of invisible planes, but I just can't see them taking off.
Did you read about the medical professional who specializes in treatment of the Adam's apple? Technically, his proper title is guyneckologist.
Frankfurter #1: "Suppose the customer doesn't like me?"
Frankfurter #2: "Hey, you can't quit now! You're on a roll!"
Spring is a deadly time for bees. Each flower is carrying pistils.
Don't be afraid of buying too many tomatoes. Eat whatever you can and what you can't, you can!
Atheism and religion are two sides of the same coin: one uses its head, while the other relies on tales.
Sherlock Holmes ate every meal at Pedro's Mexican Restaurant. Pedro had very good case ideas.
I used a toy gun to rob a bank. I was feeling pretty clever about it until I got home and found they'd given me Monopoly money.
"Professor, what geological period to you think this dinosaur skeleton is from?"
"Well, it only has one butt-hole, so we can rule out the Triassic."
A wife went on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
"First offender?" inquired the judge.
"No, your honor," the woman replied. "First a Gibson. I finished him off with the Fender."
* * *
My rich uncle died and left me only $25.00 as an inheritance! That's what I call an ill will!
* * *
Q: After the winter, how can a honey bee tell it's time to start collection pollen again?
A: Due to its swarm.
* * *
"My cousin's in the hospital. Can't walk, see or even say anything right now."
"Sorry to hear it! How horrible!"
"Naw, that's pretty normal for a newborn."
* * *
Crash investigators have examined the tires of Tiger Woods' car, assuming that a blowout probably caused the accident. As expected, they saw a hole it one.
* * *
I was supposed to go to English class today, but I must have attended Political Science instead. The teacher kept saying, "Past: perfect. Present: tense."
* * *
A human fly fell off the side of the building to his death. Investigators aren't sure if it was an accident or if he committed insecticide.
* * *
I have the memory of an elephant; pretty sure I saw it at the zoo when I was ten.
* * *
Q: Where do fish go for nose jobs?
A: To a plastic sturgeon.
* * *
My wife got pissed off at me at dinner and chucked the margarine tub into my face. That was last week, and I still have a black eye... I can't believe it's not better!
* * *
You can make a really refreshing beverage by brewing eucalyptus leaves. It's quality koala tea!
* * *
I heard this joke about Neverland in which Cap'n Hook kills Peter, then sends his body back to London for burial. It's simple to tell, but requires a dead Pan delivery.
* * *
Wonder Woman may have wanted to popularize the notion of invisible planes, but I just can't see them taking off.
* * *
Did you read about the medical professional who specializes in treatment of the Adam's apple? Technically, his proper title is guyneckologist.
* * *
Frankfurter #1: "Suppose the customer doesn't like me?"
Frankfurter #2: "Hey, you can't quit now! You're on a roll!"
* * *
Spring is a deadly time for bees. Each flower is carrying pistils.
* * *
Don't be afraid of buying too many tomatoes. Eat whatever you can and what you can't, you can!
* * *
Atheism and religion are two sides of the same coin: one uses its head, while the other relies on tales.
* * *
Sherlock Holmes ate every meal at Pedro's Mexican Restaurant. Pedro had very good case ideas.
* * *
I used a toy gun to rob a bank. I was feeling pretty clever about it until I got home and found they'd given me Monopoly money.
* * *
"Professor, what geological period to you think this dinosaur skeleton is from?"
"Well, it only has one butt-hole, so we can rule out the Triassic."
* * *
A wife went on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
"First offender?" inquired the judge.
"No, your honor," the woman replied. "First a Gibson. I finished him off with the Fender."
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