Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]I just don’t get women. My wife said she bought all that sexy lingerie expressly for my pleasure. Yet when she catches me trying it on, she’s furious!
Did you know there’s a religious holiday for masterbaters? Surprisingly, there seems to be: Palm Sunday.
My washer/drier and dishwasher stopped working last week. He was finally able to pick the lock on that leg-iron.
A busty blond swimmer took part in the Olympic breaststroke tryouts. She came in dead last and was quite bitter about the defeat... bitched like hell that all the other participants used their arms and legs.
The abacus I bought was faulty and I wanted repairs or a refund. I went back to the shop for advice; the salesman told me not to count on it.
Son: “Dad, I just learned that butterflies die after only one day. See that butterfly in the yard? It’s already lived half its life!”
Dad: “Son, that’s an old myth.”
Son: “Technically, it’s middle-aged. And it’s definitely a butterfly!”
I never have to work hard at dating; just this afternoon, I was asked out by 30 gorgeous women! Pretty polite of them, considering I’d deliberately broken into their locker room.
A talking horse, a six winged parrot and a pink dragon enter a bar. It’s at this point I realize that I desperately need to do something about my alcohol addiction.
Here’s part of a classic occupational aptitude test: rearrange the letters EPINS to spell a vitally important body part. If you ended up with SPINE, you’re a perfect candidate for medical school. The rest of you will have to be satisfied with careers in Congress.
When I first started wearing glasses, I was concerned about the way I would look. Needn’t have worried ... the part that fits over your eyes is transparent.
Terry Bradshaw is a flamboyant character, but that doesn’t mean you should ever make fun of him. Many people have died from dissin’ Terry.
As I walked through heavy winds, I could distinctly hear nasty, insulting remarks. It was diss gusting.
The jokes in this thread must be Extra-Crispy; they certainly aren’t Original.
My girlfriend got promoted to an important position at her job in an industrial lubricant plant. It’s actually quite an inconvenience; during business hours it’s almost impossible to get ahold of her.
I innocently hired Richard Kimble to work in my tree nursery... next thing I know, I’m being arrested for arboring a fugitive.
Conductor: “Sir, could you kindly come out of the lavatory? I need to see your ticket.”
Passenger: “Not right now, for heaven’s sake! I’m... in the middle of something. Can’t you come back later?”
Conductor: “Sir, I have dozens of people to check! Just slide it under the door, please.”
Passenger: “Okay, okay. If you insist. Gotta warn you, though... it’s awfully runny.”
March 26th was devoted to Epilepsy Awareness. Their motto: “Get out there and seize the day!”
I hate salsa dancing... wish it would sit still so I can dip my chip.
My wife asked me if I wanted anything special for my birthday. I’ve been pining for a new drill, so I said she ought to get a Black and Decker. Next thing I know, she’s up on racially-motivated assault charges.
The combination to the army cash box is pretty simple to remember: left... left... left, right, left.
My wife and I couldn’t afford to adopt a boy from China, so we got one from France instead. He’s just a oui lad.
Stormy Daniels really should run for President. If we’re going to have an opportunistic blowhard in office, at least we ought to have one with nice hair.[/FONT]
* * *
Did you know there’s a religious holiday for masterbaters? Surprisingly, there seems to be: Palm Sunday.
* * *
My washer/drier and dishwasher stopped working last week. He was finally able to pick the lock on that leg-iron.
* * *
A busty blond swimmer took part in the Olympic breaststroke tryouts. She came in dead last and was quite bitter about the defeat... bitched like hell that all the other participants used their arms and legs.
* * *
The abacus I bought was faulty and I wanted repairs or a refund. I went back to the shop for advice; the salesman told me not to count on it.
* * *
Son: “Dad, I just learned that butterflies die after only one day. See that butterfly in the yard? It’s already lived half its life!”
Dad: “Son, that’s an old myth.”
Son: “Technically, it’s middle-aged. And it’s definitely a butterfly!”
* * *
I never have to work hard at dating; just this afternoon, I was asked out by 30 gorgeous women! Pretty polite of them, considering I’d deliberately broken into their locker room.
* * *
A talking horse, a six winged parrot and a pink dragon enter a bar. It’s at this point I realize that I desperately need to do something about my alcohol addiction.
* * *
Here’s part of a classic occupational aptitude test: rearrange the letters EPINS to spell a vitally important body part. If you ended up with SPINE, you’re a perfect candidate for medical school. The rest of you will have to be satisfied with careers in Congress.
* * *
When I first started wearing glasses, I was concerned about the way I would look. Needn’t have worried ... the part that fits over your eyes is transparent.
* * *
Terry Bradshaw is a flamboyant character, but that doesn’t mean you should ever make fun of him. Many people have died from dissin’ Terry.
* * *
As I walked through heavy winds, I could distinctly hear nasty, insulting remarks. It was diss gusting.
* * *
The jokes in this thread must be Extra-Crispy; they certainly aren’t Original.
* * *
My girlfriend got promoted to an important position at her job in an industrial lubricant plant. It’s actually quite an inconvenience; during business hours it’s almost impossible to get ahold of her.
* * *
I innocently hired Richard Kimble to work in my tree nursery... next thing I know, I’m being arrested for arboring a fugitive.
* * *
Conductor: “Sir, could you kindly come out of the lavatory? I need to see your ticket.”
Passenger: “Not right now, for heaven’s sake! I’m... in the middle of something. Can’t you come back later?”
Conductor: “Sir, I have dozens of people to check! Just slide it under the door, please.”
Passenger: “Okay, okay. If you insist. Gotta warn you, though... it’s awfully runny.”
* * *
March 26th was devoted to Epilepsy Awareness. Their motto: “Get out there and seize the day!”
* * *
I hate salsa dancing... wish it would sit still so I can dip my chip.
* * *
My wife asked me if I wanted anything special for my birthday. I’ve been pining for a new drill, so I said she ought to get a Black and Decker. Next thing I know, she’s up on racially-motivated assault charges.
* * *
The combination to the army cash box is pretty simple to remember: left... left... left, right, left.
* * *
My wife and I couldn’t afford to adopt a boy from China, so we got one from France instead. He’s just a oui lad.
* * *
Stormy Daniels really should run for President. If we’re going to have an opportunistic blowhard in office, at least we ought to have one with nice hair.[/FONT]
