Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Bigfoot's porcelain creations are pure magic! He's truly a hairy potter!
My brother hates grapefruit with a passion. Me, I hate passion fruit with a grape.
Two peanuts walk onto a United airliner. One is a salted.
United Airlines may get past this recent PR disaster. But their deals better be unbeatable.
The least requested United Airlines meal? Chinese takeout.
Flying United is somewhat like smoking weed. First, you take a hit... then a long drag. You won't, however, get high.
United Airlines doesn't run red eye flights anymore. They now specialize in black eyes.
What do you call a doctor with two black eyes?
A frequent flier.
There are three things that'll get you kicked off a United Airlines flight:
A. Arriving drunk.
B. Harassing an attendant.
C. Buying a ticket.
Fly United and be treated like a king! Rodney King, specifically.
One good thing came out of the United Airlines debacle: they'll no longer have problems with overbooking.
If you get pulled off before the flight starts, do you still get to join the Mile High Club?
I only drink on two occasions:
when it's my birthday...
... and when it isn't.
A passenger in a taxi cab wishes to convey last minute directions to the driver, so he reaches over and taps him on the shoulder. This startles the cabbie so much, he veers off the road and plows into a tree. Fortunately, neither man is seriously hurt.
"I'm so sorry!" the passenger cries. "I had no idea a small tap would make you react so violently!"
"Not your fault," the cabbie responds. "I used to drive a hearse."
Seems to me that current children's entertainment is wildly inappropriate. I mean, what's with these Mighty Morphine Power Rangers?
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you alligators, make Gatorade.
I clone sheep as a hobby. It's my favorite form of re-creation.
My brother, the Man with X-ray Eyes, finally left his girlfriend. I'll never know what he saw in her.
Why did the squirrel fail to cross the road?
He tried to play chicken and lost.
I bit my dentist's finger during the exam, but he was complimentary anyway. I must have made a good impression.
A young mosquito leaves home for the first time.
"Well," says his father when the youngster returns, "how did you get on with the humans?"
"Just great!" replies his boy. "They loved me! Everyone was clapping!"
Say what you will about plagiarists... at least they can take a joke.
* * *
My brother hates grapefruit with a passion. Me, I hate passion fruit with a grape.
* * *
Two peanuts walk onto a United airliner. One is a salted.
* * *
United Airlines may get past this recent PR disaster. But their deals better be unbeatable.
* * *
The least requested United Airlines meal? Chinese takeout.
* * *
Flying United is somewhat like smoking weed. First, you take a hit... then a long drag. You won't, however, get high.
* * *
United Airlines doesn't run red eye flights anymore. They now specialize in black eyes.
* * *
What do you call a doctor with two black eyes?
A frequent flier.
* * *
There are three things that'll get you kicked off a United Airlines flight:
A. Arriving drunk.
B. Harassing an attendant.
C. Buying a ticket.
* * *
Fly United and be treated like a king! Rodney King, specifically.
* * *
One good thing came out of the United Airlines debacle: they'll no longer have problems with overbooking.
* * *
If you get pulled off before the flight starts, do you still get to join the Mile High Club?
* * *
I only drink on two occasions:
when it's my birthday...
... and when it isn't.
* * *
A passenger in a taxi cab wishes to convey last minute directions to the driver, so he reaches over and taps him on the shoulder. This startles the cabbie so much, he veers off the road and plows into a tree. Fortunately, neither man is seriously hurt.
"I'm so sorry!" the passenger cries. "I had no idea a small tap would make you react so violently!"
"Not your fault," the cabbie responds. "I used to drive a hearse."
* * *
Seems to me that current children's entertainment is wildly inappropriate. I mean, what's with these Mighty Morphine Power Rangers?
* * *
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you alligators, make Gatorade.
* * *
I clone sheep as a hobby. It's my favorite form of re-creation.
* * *
My brother, the Man with X-ray Eyes, finally left his girlfriend. I'll never know what he saw in her.
* * *
Why did the squirrel fail to cross the road?
He tried to play chicken and lost.
* * *
I bit my dentist's finger during the exam, but he was complimentary anyway. I must have made a good impression.
* * *
A young mosquito leaves home for the first time.
"Well," says his father when the youngster returns, "how did you get on with the humans?"
"Just great!" replies his boy. "They loved me! Everyone was clapping!"
* * *
Say what you will about plagiarists... at least they can take a joke.
