Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
You may already know the old chestnut about the Pterodactyl having a silent pee, but don't be too proud of yourself. That just means urine on the joke.
Somehow, I made a bitter enemy out of my chiropractor. Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.
If you're in an unhappy marriage, don't blame your wife. It takes two to form a toxic relationship; both her and her mother.
My brother's working on a formula for gluten-free granola. That's just nuts!
Son: "Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a star in a famous rock band!"
Mom: "Don't be silly, son. You know you can't do both."
The stress of finding new jokes is so bad, I sometimes resort to cocaine. That's how desperate I am for one-liners.
She: "You'll never accomplish anything in your life! Know why? Your big problem is procrastination!"
He: "Yeah? Well just you wait!"
My wife keeps hinting she'd like to share a candlelight dinner with me. What a silly idea! If she doesn't use gas or electricity, the meat will be horribly underdone!
Brunette: "Have you ever plunged into a reservoir?"
Blonde: "Only once... the drain was really stopped up."
I just saw this old '70s movie. It's about a little girl called Pazuzu who's in such bad shape, she can't even get out of bed! No wonder her mom wants her to exorcise!
Q: Why didn't the French keep the Statue of Liberty for themselves?
A: It only has one hand raised.
While passing through the business district, I noticed a sign reading: "Lobster tails, one dollar."
I stepped through the door and told the man inside I was interested. He handed me a buck and a picture of a lobster, saying, "Follow him to the drop site. But don't be too obvious about it."
Don Diego was sent to university in Spain. Even so, he never fully mastered his native language. That's why as Zorro, he spent his entire life writing wrongs.
How exactly do you go about opening a parachute? I'd like the answer quickly, please!
It's easy to see how a ship got stuck in the Suez Canal... it's no strait.
I often throw balls for my dog. Despite that, the ungrateful mutt has never learned how to dance.
A lot of people are now comparing Joe Biden to FDR. I can see what they mean... FDR too had trouble walking up stairs.
In my life, I've learned many a lesson. Even so, I remain a moron.
Timon admired Simba and wanted to be just like him, but knew he could never be king of the jungle. That's because Simba was a lion, the apex of feline development, while Timon was a mere cat.
Shout-out to my great-gramma on her 101st birthday! It's the only way she can hear anything anymore.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson arrived at the scene of the crime. Holmes pulled out his magnifying glass and immediately started examining the grounds. He soon discovered the tracks of a duck and followed them until they crossed with the tracks of a rabbit. These, in turn, led him to the tracks of a deer.
"Aha!" Holmes cried to his companion. "The game's afoot!"
Q: The new high school freshman class includes a blond girl, a brunette girl and a redheaded girl. Which of them would high school boys most want to date?
A: The blonde. She's the only one who's over 18.
* * *
Somehow, I made a bitter enemy out of my chiropractor. Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.
* * *
If you're in an unhappy marriage, don't blame your wife. It takes two to form a toxic relationship; both her and her mother.
* * *
My brother's working on a formula for gluten-free granola. That's just nuts!
* * *
Son: "Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a star in a famous rock band!"
Mom: "Don't be silly, son. You know you can't do both."
* * *
The stress of finding new jokes is so bad, I sometimes resort to cocaine. That's how desperate I am for one-liners.
* * *
She: "You'll never accomplish anything in your life! Know why? Your big problem is procrastination!"
He: "Yeah? Well just you wait!"
* * *
My wife keeps hinting she'd like to share a candlelight dinner with me. What a silly idea! If she doesn't use gas or electricity, the meat will be horribly underdone!
* * *
Brunette: "Have you ever plunged into a reservoir?"
Blonde: "Only once... the drain was really stopped up."
* * *
I just saw this old '70s movie. It's about a little girl called Pazuzu who's in such bad shape, she can't even get out of bed! No wonder her mom wants her to exorcise!
* * *
Q: Why didn't the French keep the Statue of Liberty for themselves?
A: It only has one hand raised.
* * *
While passing through the business district, I noticed a sign reading: "Lobster tails, one dollar."
I stepped through the door and told the man inside I was interested. He handed me a buck and a picture of a lobster, saying, "Follow him to the drop site. But don't be too obvious about it."
* * *
Don Diego was sent to university in Spain. Even so, he never fully mastered his native language. That's why as Zorro, he spent his entire life writing wrongs.
* * *
How exactly do you go about opening a parachute? I'd like the answer quickly, please!
* * *
It's easy to see how a ship got stuck in the Suez Canal... it's no strait.
* * *
I often throw balls for my dog. Despite that, the ungrateful mutt has never learned how to dance.
* * *
A lot of people are now comparing Joe Biden to FDR. I can see what they mean... FDR too had trouble walking up stairs.
* * *
In my life, I've learned many a lesson. Even so, I remain a moron.
* * *
Timon admired Simba and wanted to be just like him, but knew he could never be king of the jungle. That's because Simba was a lion, the apex of feline development, while Timon was a mere cat.
* * *
Shout-out to my great-gramma on her 101st birthday! It's the only way she can hear anything anymore.
* * *
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson arrived at the scene of the crime. Holmes pulled out his magnifying glass and immediately started examining the grounds. He soon discovered the tracks of a duck and followed them until they crossed with the tracks of a rabbit. These, in turn, led him to the tracks of a deer.
"Aha!" Holmes cried to his companion. "The game's afoot!"
* * *
Q: The new high school freshman class includes a blond girl, a brunette girl and a redheaded girl. Which of them would high school boys most want to date?
A: The blonde. She's the only one who's over 18.
