Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
The snake is usually thought of as the villain in the Garden of Eden, but he really wasn't that bad. Not only was he unfailingly polite, but he did his best to look after Adam and Eve, making sure they were well fed. He was the world's first civil serpent.
Lego bricks are practically indestructible. I got sick to death of stepping on the pieces my kid left all over the floor and pounded one with a hammer, leaving barely a scratch. So instead, I connected them all together to make a single easy-to-avoid block. It's true, then... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
According to Japanese tradition, a human body will give off a faint green-blue glow just before death. The phenomena is known as cyan aura.
I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist, but have a good excuse. I got as far as the door to his office, but couldn't tell if I was coming or going.
They don't just automatically cremate you after you die. That's something you have to urn.
Last night, I watched this old cartoon show called "The Flintstones". Geez, I knew things were more primitive in the 1960s, but had no idea it was that bad!
A mean drunk stumbles into a bar with a bird perched on her shoulder. The bartender immediately warns, "Hold it right there, lady! No pets allowed!" She doesn't leave, just stands there scowling, when a patron adds, "Holy moly, that's one beat-up lookin' buzzard you got there!"
"This ain't no buzzard, dip-shit!" the lush growls. "It's a parrot!"
"I know," the barfly smirks. "I was talkin' to the parrot!"
Unlike most animals, parrots form monogamous relationships that last for life. That said, why do so many owners insist on naming their pet Poly?
I married a seismologist, the worst mistake I ever made. I've never been so unhappy in a relationship... all she does is look for faults.
See that sheep? He may not look like much, but he's worth as much as two men! His name is Mutton Jeff.
Today, I went for a walk with a beautiful young lady. Once she noticed me, we went for a run.
Aquaman has declared war on Britain. Word is that Charles claims to be Prince of Whales.
As part of our role playing, I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse. It fulfilled our mutual fantasy of having health care.
I'm not an incel... I'm celibate by choice. Not mine, of course.
In the show "VeggieTales", it's Pa Grape who dies for our sins. Don't fret, though... in three days, he'll be a'raisin'.
"So, how'd that North Pole gig a'yours turn out?"
"Extraordinary! While we were up there, we saw the Aurora Borealis!"
"Wow! Heavy, man!"
"Not at all! Actually, it was pretty light."
It's common knowledge that in the Bible, Jesus rises from the dead. Damn spoilers! Not all of us have read it yet!
Interviewer: "Profession?"
007: "Internationally known super-spy for Her Majesty's Secret Service."
Interviewer: "First and last name?"
007: "Bond... James Bond."
Interviewer: "We don't need to know your middle name, Mr. Bond Bond."
Q: Why do humans have different blood groups?
A: It's an evolutionary development for mosquitos. I mean, would you be satisfied with just one flavor?
"Doc, I think I may have suffered some hearing loss."
"Is that so? Can you describe the symptoms?"
"Sure. They're a yellow skinned family of goofballs who live in a town called Springfield."
I've often heard that there are seven words you can't say on TV and had no idea what exactly they were. But recently, I found out: "Jada, can't wait for 'GI Jane 2'!"
Evil Queen: "Magic Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?"
Magic Mirror: "I'll let you know once you move your fat ass so I can see the rest of the world."
Evil Queen: "Damn! Not only am I obviously not the fairest, but now I gotta deal with seven years bad luck!"
* * *
Lego bricks are practically indestructible. I got sick to death of stepping on the pieces my kid left all over the floor and pounded one with a hammer, leaving barely a scratch. So instead, I connected them all together to make a single easy-to-avoid block. It's true, then... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
* * *
According to Japanese tradition, a human body will give off a faint green-blue glow just before death. The phenomena is known as cyan aura.
* * *
I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist, but have a good excuse. I got as far as the door to his office, but couldn't tell if I was coming or going.
* * *
They don't just automatically cremate you after you die. That's something you have to urn.
* * *
Last night, I watched this old cartoon show called "The Flintstones". Geez, I knew things were more primitive in the 1960s, but had no idea it was that bad!
* * *
A mean drunk stumbles into a bar with a bird perched on her shoulder. The bartender immediately warns, "Hold it right there, lady! No pets allowed!" She doesn't leave, just stands there scowling, when a patron adds, "Holy moly, that's one beat-up lookin' buzzard you got there!"
"This ain't no buzzard, dip-shit!" the lush growls. "It's a parrot!"
"I know," the barfly smirks. "I was talkin' to the parrot!"
* * *
Unlike most animals, parrots form monogamous relationships that last for life. That said, why do so many owners insist on naming their pet Poly?
* * *
I married a seismologist, the worst mistake I ever made. I've never been so unhappy in a relationship... all she does is look for faults.
* * *
See that sheep? He may not look like much, but he's worth as much as two men! His name is Mutton Jeff.
* * *
Today, I went for a walk with a beautiful young lady. Once she noticed me, we went for a run.
* * *
Aquaman has declared war on Britain. Word is that Charles claims to be Prince of Whales.
* * *
As part of our role playing, I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse. It fulfilled our mutual fantasy of having health care.
* * *
I'm not an incel... I'm celibate by choice. Not mine, of course.
* * *
In the show "VeggieTales", it's Pa Grape who dies for our sins. Don't fret, though... in three days, he'll be a'raisin'.
* * *
"So, how'd that North Pole gig a'yours turn out?"
"Extraordinary! While we were up there, we saw the Aurora Borealis!"
"Wow! Heavy, man!"
"Not at all! Actually, it was pretty light."
* * *
It's common knowledge that in the Bible, Jesus rises from the dead. Damn spoilers! Not all of us have read it yet!
* * *
Interviewer: "Profession?"
007: "Internationally known super-spy for Her Majesty's Secret Service."
Interviewer: "First and last name?"
007: "Bond... James Bond."
Interviewer: "We don't need to know your middle name, Mr. Bond Bond."
* * *
Q: Why do humans have different blood groups?
A: It's an evolutionary development for mosquitos. I mean, would you be satisfied with just one flavor?
* * *
"Doc, I think I may have suffered some hearing loss."
"Is that so? Can you describe the symptoms?"
"Sure. They're a yellow skinned family of goofballs who live in a town called Springfield."
* * *
I've often heard that there are seven words you can't say on TV and had no idea what exactly they were. But recently, I found out: "Jada, can't wait for 'GI Jane 2'!"
* * *
Evil Queen: "Magic Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?"
Magic Mirror: "I'll let you know once you move your fat ass so I can see the rest of the world."
Evil Queen: "Damn! Not only am I obviously not the fairest, but now I gotta deal with seven years bad luck!"
