Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My wife says she'd like to have another baby. I'm not so eager... that last one was rather undercooked.
I guess I'm fucking crazy. That's what her psychiatrist tells me, anyway.
Never do sums in a cannibal village. 4 plus 4 can get you ate.
A train driver stopped at the crossing so I could use it first. He was a civil engineer.
How do you make an Aladdin Cocktail?
Use plenty of Jinn.
Ken can't wait for summer. He's really eager to eat Barbie Q.
I was driving down a country road, when I got the impression I might encounter roadwork. Call it a sign.
Never wear deck shoes to a German concert hall. They are for boatin'.
I'm blown away by the invention of the dry-erase board! It truly is remarkable!
A man was in the a habit of coming home drunk every night. His wife wanted to scare him into sobriety, so she dressed up in a Satan costume and leapt out of the bushes bellowing as he approached the front door.
The guy stared blearily at the terrifying apparition and stated, "I wondered if you might drop by. I'm married to your sister, you know."
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
My wife says I put a smile on her face every day... her nice way of telling me I'm a joke.
It's hard to say just what my wife does: she sells seashells by the seashore.
All the planets in the solar system spent their time playing online games... all except Earth.
"That's just sad," Earth sniffed. "You guys have no life."
I've begun a brand new diet... for lunch, I eat all the food my kids left on their plates the night before. It's a great way to get plenty of vegetables.
Wife: I don't understand why you watch the Porn Channel so much! What do those girls have that I don't?
Husband: A mute button.
Fortunately, we aren't xenophobic in this country. Nasty attitudes like that come exclusively from foreigners.
I just walked through a spider web. In a single action, I wrecked his home and ruined his dinner... yet I'm the one who feels victimized!
A truly strong person doesn't put others down. He lifts 'em up high, then slams them for maximum damage.
I must have really loud, abrasive snoring. It certainly rattled the car pool this morning when I was driving them to work.
I've been reading about the tipuis of South America, the mightiest plateaus in the world. They're nature's highest form of flattery.
Three college girls are cutting across campus late one night, when they notice a guy passed out in the dark.
"It isn't Jeff," says the redhead, feeling his face. "My boyfriend has a longer nose,"
"It isn't Tom," says the brunette, feeling his hand. "My boyfriend has a thicker thumb.
The blonde feels his crotch.
"This guy doesn't even go to our school!"
* * *
I guess I'm fucking crazy. That's what her psychiatrist tells me, anyway.
* * *
Never do sums in a cannibal village. 4 plus 4 can get you ate.
* * *
A train driver stopped at the crossing so I could use it first. He was a civil engineer.
* * *
How do you make an Aladdin Cocktail?
Use plenty of Jinn.
* * *
Ken can't wait for summer. He's really eager to eat Barbie Q.
* * *
I was driving down a country road, when I got the impression I might encounter roadwork. Call it a sign.
* * *
Never wear deck shoes to a German concert hall. They are for boatin'.
* * *
I'm blown away by the invention of the dry-erase board! It truly is remarkable!
* * *
A man was in the a habit of coming home drunk every night. His wife wanted to scare him into sobriety, so she dressed up in a Satan costume and leapt out of the bushes bellowing as he approached the front door.
The guy stared blearily at the terrifying apparition and stated, "I wondered if you might drop by. I'm married to your sister, you know."
* * *
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
* * *
My wife says I put a smile on her face every day... her nice way of telling me I'm a joke.
* * *
It's hard to say just what my wife does: she sells seashells by the seashore.
* * *
All the planets in the solar system spent their time playing online games... all except Earth.
"That's just sad," Earth sniffed. "You guys have no life."
* * *
I've begun a brand new diet... for lunch, I eat all the food my kids left on their plates the night before. It's a great way to get plenty of vegetables.
* * *
Wife: I don't understand why you watch the Porn Channel so much! What do those girls have that I don't?
Husband: A mute button.
* * *
Fortunately, we aren't xenophobic in this country. Nasty attitudes like that come exclusively from foreigners.
* * *
I just walked through a spider web. In a single action, I wrecked his home and ruined his dinner... yet I'm the one who feels victimized!
* * *
A truly strong person doesn't put others down. He lifts 'em up high, then slams them for maximum damage.
* * *
I must have really loud, abrasive snoring. It certainly rattled the car pool this morning when I was driving them to work.
* * *
I've been reading about the tipuis of South America, the mightiest plateaus in the world. They're nature's highest form of flattery.
* * *
Three college girls are cutting across campus late one night, when they notice a guy passed out in the dark.
"It isn't Jeff," says the redhead, feeling his face. "My boyfriend has a longer nose,"
"It isn't Tom," says the brunette, feeling his hand. "My boyfriend has a thicker thumb.
The blonde feels his crotch.
"This guy doesn't even go to our school!"
