Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]Gays used to be committed to the asylum as a cure. Where you think they got the term “straight jacket”?
I derive a great deal of profit, not mention personal satisfaction, out of pirating music. Some may find the practice unsavory, but I don’t care; no one’s gonna stop me from holding concerts where I sing “Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum!”
Great strides have been made in the field of children’s medicine. Researchers have developed a cuddly toy animal full of anesthetics that young ones can hug in preparation for surgery. It turns operations into playtime: kids just can’t wait for the arrival of the Ether Bunny!
Easter adopts bunnies as its symbol, while Arbor Day is associated with trees. Two popular holidays... two separate emblems: the carrot-and-stick approach.
Some sage advice for IBM: change your company name to ICBM! Your sales will skyrocket!
I must be playing this trumpet wrong; I really suck at it.
Hear about the cannibal who ate his wife? It was a Mom in Pop operation.
As an April Fools prank, my wife replaced the contents of the Alphabits box with Cheerios. I had only one word in response: “Ooooooooooo...”
“I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: hindsight is 20/20.”
“Don’t be so damned silly! 2020 is future sight.”
My brother told me, “Don’t be so scared of flying. More people die in showers than in planes.”
Man, the shower floors during World Wars I and II must have been lined with grease!
Bro: “This is some kind of record! Your phone conversations usually last for two hours or better. Tonight, it was only half that long. Who was it anyway?”
Sis: “Wrong number.”
Cherry trees in colonial Virginia must have stunk something awful. I’ve been told that George Washington cut one.
Narcissists never feel the need to overeat. They’re already too full of themselves.
When I was young, it was my ambition to be a broker. Well, I succeeded... I’m broker than ever.
My brother wanted to be a lawyer. He didn’t do so well either... each night on the way home, he never managed to pass the bar.
Marriage counselor: “Let me get this straight... you want to divorce your husband because he only gives you sex weekly? That’s actually quite a lot for a couple who’ve been together as long as you have.”
Wife: “Why would frequency matter? He makes love weakly now matter how often we do it!”
A guy owning a big car is frequently sited as an example of compensation. In other words, the size of the automobile makes up for male size deficiency somewhere else.
Geez, no wonder so many folks are scared of clowns!
In the Star Wars saga, episodes 4, 5 and 6 precede episodes 1,2 and 3. That’s because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.
U is the laziest letter in the alphabet. It just can’t escape TV.
Two friends, a rabbi and a minister, decide to pool their resources and buy a car. The first thing the Minister does is take it to the car wash.
“That’s to welcome a new addition to the family,” he explains. “The Rite of Baptism.”
The next day, the Minister is surprised to find the Rabbi sawing two inches off the tailpipe.
“Mom, can I have a dog? Pleeeeease?”
“Not on Thanksgiving, dear. You’re going the have turkey like the rest of us.”
The difference between Communism and Capitalism: Marx, the Communist, wanted to seize the means of production; Trump, the Capitalist, did seize the means of reproduction.[/FONT]
* * *
I derive a great deal of profit, not mention personal satisfaction, out of pirating music. Some may find the practice unsavory, but I don’t care; no one’s gonna stop me from holding concerts where I sing “Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum!”
* * *
Great strides have been made in the field of children’s medicine. Researchers have developed a cuddly toy animal full of anesthetics that young ones can hug in preparation for surgery. It turns operations into playtime: kids just can’t wait for the arrival of the Ether Bunny!
* * *
Easter adopts bunnies as its symbol, while Arbor Day is associated with trees. Two popular holidays... two separate emblems: the carrot-and-stick approach.
* * *
Some sage advice for IBM: change your company name to ICBM! Your sales will skyrocket!
* * *
I must be playing this trumpet wrong; I really suck at it.
* * *
Hear about the cannibal who ate his wife? It was a Mom in Pop operation.
* * *
As an April Fools prank, my wife replaced the contents of the Alphabits box with Cheerios. I had only one word in response: “Ooooooooooo...”
* * *
“I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: hindsight is 20/20.”
“Don’t be so damned silly! 2020 is future sight.”
* * *
My brother told me, “Don’t be so scared of flying. More people die in showers than in planes.”
Man, the shower floors during World Wars I and II must have been lined with grease!
* * *
Bro: “This is some kind of record! Your phone conversations usually last for two hours or better. Tonight, it was only half that long. Who was it anyway?”
Sis: “Wrong number.”
* * *
Cherry trees in colonial Virginia must have stunk something awful. I’ve been told that George Washington cut one.
* * *
Narcissists never feel the need to overeat. They’re already too full of themselves.
* * *
When I was young, it was my ambition to be a broker. Well, I succeeded... I’m broker than ever.
* * *
My brother wanted to be a lawyer. He didn’t do so well either... each night on the way home, he never managed to pass the bar.
* * *
Marriage counselor: “Let me get this straight... you want to divorce your husband because he only gives you sex weekly? That’s actually quite a lot for a couple who’ve been together as long as you have.”
Wife: “Why would frequency matter? He makes love weakly now matter how often we do it!”
* * *
A guy owning a big car is frequently sited as an example of compensation. In other words, the size of the automobile makes up for male size deficiency somewhere else.
Geez, no wonder so many folks are scared of clowns!
* * *
In the Star Wars saga, episodes 4, 5 and 6 precede episodes 1,2 and 3. That’s because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.
* * *
U is the laziest letter in the alphabet. It just can’t escape TV.
* * *
Two friends, a rabbi and a minister, decide to pool their resources and buy a car. The first thing the Minister does is take it to the car wash.
“That’s to welcome a new addition to the family,” he explains. “The Rite of Baptism.”
The next day, the Minister is surprised to find the Rabbi sawing two inches off the tailpipe.
* * *
“Mom, can I have a dog? Pleeeeease?”
“Not on Thanksgiving, dear. You’re going the have turkey like the rest of us.”
* * *
The difference between Communism and Capitalism: Marx, the Communist, wanted to seize the means of production; Trump, the Capitalist, did seize the means of reproduction.[/FONT]
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