Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,967
- Points
- 48
Did you know the Queen expects to be paid when she dubs someone a knight? That's why the royalty is always so rich... they never ignore a sir charge.
The English language can be quite odd. Consider the phrase "take out", for instance... it might refer to food, dating or murder. To black widow spiders, it means all three at the same time.
My sister has always called me a walking dictionary. I used to think that was a compliment, like I had a really good vocabulary. Turns out she really meant I was thick.
All alien races are afraid of us here on Earth. They consider us Terrarists.
I was recently the victim of a phishing scam. I guess that's the risk you run when you enter the inter-net.
If you want to start a zoo, you'll need at least two grizzlies, two pandas and two koalas. Not fewer than that... it's the bear minimum.
I just found out my prize heifer has mad cow disease! Talk about a bad mooed!
No one's heard from Laura Croft in quite awhile. She's gone completely off the Raider.
I make loads of money working as a dentist and can afford a huge house with maids and a butler. To insure long term loyalty, I've promised to fix up the whole staff with false teeth when they finally need them. It's an arrangement known as dentured servitude.
There'll never be a Disneyland in England... the British can take the Mickey out of any institution.
My wife is restless and wants us to go on a European vacation. I don't think we can afford one right now, so I insisted on a staycation. Therefore, we compromised... right now we're having an altercation.
Coeliac disease was first diagnosed in Germany. They even have a special day to commemorate it: Gluten Tag.
Call me a grammar purist if you like... people who can't tell the difference between "entomology" and "etymology" bug me beyond words!
Blonde: "Which one of 'Lord of the Rings' books is it where Treebeard make his first appearance?"
Redhead: "How the hell would I know? Do I look like a Tolkein scholar to you?"
Blonde: "No. But you did say you were an entomologist."
I receive competitive pay for my work... my wages compete with my bills to see which will win.
Rockers may seem like rebels, but they've always been linked to big business. Like Nabisco, for instance... I mean, how else to you explain Oreo Speedwagon?
Q: How did George Lucas kill off Samuel L. Jackson's character in the Star Wars movies?
A: He Forced him out a Windu.
Since the earliest days of gunpowder, artillery projectile technique has fed off the success of its predecessors. It's called the practice of cannonballism.
I see those darned Lifesavers candies everywhere and have for years. The guy who invented them must be a millionaire at least! He says he made a mint!
Jada Pinkett Smith is reportedly still very upset about the Oscar night debacle. When asked about it, she said didn't expect to feel better until August.
I used to practice Blackjack at home so's I'd be ready for my Las Vegas trip, but soon found out it was futile. In that game, the house always wins.
Ladies, it's unwise to put your man in the dog-house. Remember... after that, it's just one small step to the cat-house.
* * *
The English language can be quite odd. Consider the phrase "take out", for instance... it might refer to food, dating or murder. To black widow spiders, it means all three at the same time.
* * *
My sister has always called me a walking dictionary. I used to think that was a compliment, like I had a really good vocabulary. Turns out she really meant I was thick.
* * *
All alien races are afraid of us here on Earth. They consider us Terrarists.
* * *
I was recently the victim of a phishing scam. I guess that's the risk you run when you enter the inter-net.
* * *
If you want to start a zoo, you'll need at least two grizzlies, two pandas and two koalas. Not fewer than that... it's the bear minimum.
* * *
I just found out my prize heifer has mad cow disease! Talk about a bad mooed!
* * *
No one's heard from Laura Croft in quite awhile. She's gone completely off the Raider.
* * *
I make loads of money working as a dentist and can afford a huge house with maids and a butler. To insure long term loyalty, I've promised to fix up the whole staff with false teeth when they finally need them. It's an arrangement known as dentured servitude.
* * *
There'll never be a Disneyland in England... the British can take the Mickey out of any institution.
* * *
My wife is restless and wants us to go on a European vacation. I don't think we can afford one right now, so I insisted on a staycation. Therefore, we compromised... right now we're having an altercation.
* * *
Coeliac disease was first diagnosed in Germany. They even have a special day to commemorate it: Gluten Tag.
* * *
Call me a grammar purist if you like... people who can't tell the difference between "entomology" and "etymology" bug me beyond words!
* * *
Blonde: "Which one of 'Lord of the Rings' books is it where Treebeard make his first appearance?"
Redhead: "How the hell would I know? Do I look like a Tolkein scholar to you?"
Blonde: "No. But you did say you were an entomologist."
* * *
I receive competitive pay for my work... my wages compete with my bills to see which will win.
* * *
Rockers may seem like rebels, but they've always been linked to big business. Like Nabisco, for instance... I mean, how else to you explain Oreo Speedwagon?
* * *
Q: How did George Lucas kill off Samuel L. Jackson's character in the Star Wars movies?
A: He Forced him out a Windu.
* * *
Since the earliest days of gunpowder, artillery projectile technique has fed off the success of its predecessors. It's called the practice of cannonballism.
* * *
I see those darned Lifesavers candies everywhere and have for years. The guy who invented them must be a millionaire at least! He says he made a mint!
* * *
Jada Pinkett Smith is reportedly still very upset about the Oscar night debacle. When asked about it, she said didn't expect to feel better until August.
* * *
I used to practice Blackjack at home so's I'd be ready for my Las Vegas trip, but soon found out it was futile. In that game, the house always wins.
* * *
Ladies, it's unwise to put your man in the dog-house. Remember... after that, it's just one small step to the cat-house.
