Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Somebody kept passing gas at our last family gathering. I suspect my cousin... he was the one with the windbreaker.
There are two kinds of people in the world: the first is, the second isn't.
Dirty Harry was one of the most considerate police officers ever. He was always extremely concerned about how crime suspects were feeling.
Even though our local shawarma joint got sited by the Health Department doesn't mean I don't patronize them. I falafel regularly.
Q: How did Spiderman get to be so pithy?
A: He owns a Webster's Dictionary.
I've tried and tried to think of a joke about social distancing... I'm afraid this is as close as I can come.
Japanese news sources say that Kim Jong Un is in a vegetative state. I don't know if that's completely true... he could turnip eventually.
My sister-in-law and her lover murdered my brother... he died of Sam 'n' Ella poisoning.
Everything in life is easier said than done... unless, of course, your sister sells sea shells and the sea shore.
The folks living in my town can't be buried in our local cemetery. God, I hope not anyway... the idea of burying living people is grotesque.
The Joker finally succeeded in running over Batman and Robin with a steamroller. They're now known as Flatman and Ribbon.
It's easy to find humorous aspects of mundane things. The amusing and the average go hand-in-hand: that's why they named the profession "co-median".
Q: What has two legs and runs, but can't walk on its own?
A: A pair of tights.
My grandma is 90 years old and has never used glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle.
Library patron: "Got any books by Jack Kevorkian?"
Librarian: "Yes, but we don't lend them out anymore. Nobody ever brings them back."
My wife thinks she's pregnant. She doesn't know for sure; it's just a gut feeling.
Hear about the woodcutter who went into the magic forest to find a talking tree? He wanted it to dialogue.
Prostitutes ought to be allowed to work during the quarantine. They provide a sensual labor.
"I'm a bit worried about my grandpa in Scotland. He wrote yesterday to say he had a wee cough."
"He should complain! I'm going through my second month!"
During my recent trip to the beach, I was attacked by a dolphin. To put a positive spin on the experience, I choose to think of it as a-sea-ssault.
My son isn't doing too well with the current online learning. When he went to an actual school, he got A's and B's; now he's getting C's and D's. I'm not sure he doesn't have the COVID... the first sign is supposed to be a low-grade fever.
"Where is Kim Jong Un?" the world wants to know. Well, I have my suspicions: in a Kim Jong Urn.
* * *
There are two kinds of people in the world: the first is, the second isn't.
* * *
Dirty Harry was one of the most considerate police officers ever. He was always extremely concerned about how crime suspects were feeling.
* * *
Even though our local shawarma joint got sited by the Health Department doesn't mean I don't patronize them. I falafel regularly.
* * *
Q: How did Spiderman get to be so pithy?
A: He owns a Webster's Dictionary.
* * *
I've tried and tried to think of a joke about social distancing... I'm afraid this is as close as I can come.
* * *
Japanese news sources say that Kim Jong Un is in a vegetative state. I don't know if that's completely true... he could turnip eventually.
* * *
My sister-in-law and her lover murdered my brother... he died of Sam 'n' Ella poisoning.
* * *
Everything in life is easier said than done... unless, of course, your sister sells sea shells and the sea shore.
* * *
The folks living in my town can't be buried in our local cemetery. God, I hope not anyway... the idea of burying living people is grotesque.
* * *
The Joker finally succeeded in running over Batman and Robin with a steamroller. They're now known as Flatman and Ribbon.
* * *
It's easy to find humorous aspects of mundane things. The amusing and the average go hand-in-hand: that's why they named the profession "co-median".
* * *
Q: What has two legs and runs, but can't walk on its own?
A: A pair of tights.
* * *
My grandma is 90 years old and has never used glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle.
* * *
Library patron: "Got any books by Jack Kevorkian?"
Librarian: "Yes, but we don't lend them out anymore. Nobody ever brings them back."
* * *
My wife thinks she's pregnant. She doesn't know for sure; it's just a gut feeling.
* * *
Hear about the woodcutter who went into the magic forest to find a talking tree? He wanted it to dialogue.
* * *
Prostitutes ought to be allowed to work during the quarantine. They provide a sensual labor.
* * *
"I'm a bit worried about my grandpa in Scotland. He wrote yesterday to say he had a wee cough."
"He should complain! I'm going through my second month!"
* * *
During my recent trip to the beach, I was attacked by a dolphin. To put a positive spin on the experience, I choose to think of it as a-sea-ssault.
* * *
My son isn't doing too well with the current online learning. When he went to an actual school, he got A's and B's; now he's getting C's and D's. I'm not sure he doesn't have the COVID... the first sign is supposed to be a low-grade fever.
* * *
"Where is Kim Jong Un?" the world wants to know. Well, I have my suspicions: in a Kim Jong Urn.
