Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
"Hey, my baby brother just fell into the deep end of the swimming pool."
"We gotta do something! Babies can't swim!"
"Don't sweat it, dude. The pool's empty."
I recently joined the Gastrointestinal Awareness Organization. It's a bowel movement.
"The Olympics competitor from Botswana wants to throw his native spear instead of the traditional javelin."
"Assagai."
"Yeah, I'm rooting for him too."
There seem to be some radical alterations in this new "Sonic the Hedgehog" movie. Like, I guess he's now extremely religious; I hear he always has to go fast.
Q: What does a communist say when he breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: "It's not you, it's we."
My uncle moved from LA to start up an air conditioning franchise in our nation's capital. Well, he's getting plenty of calls, but not the right kind; he never should have called his business AC/DC.
"This new restaurant makes a big deal out of their "international" bathrooms."
"International?"
"Yeah. Outside: American. Inside: European."
My wife wants to bake a cake. She was trying for a bundt, but it went foul.
She: "Ain't love grand!"
He: "Sure. But I'm still staying single; divorce is closer to a hundred grand."
Would Steve Jobs do a better job in the White House than Donald Trump? That's comparing apples and oranges.
Offer me weed if you want to, but it's with cocaine that I draw the line!
How much sex should a straight guy have with another man?
Just enough to get bi.
My blonde girlfriend wants to do away with every baby lion in Africa. She says it's important to stop child predators.
My neighbor got tired of me making a pun out of everything he said. He told me he wanted me to take him literally for a change. So I did: I kidnapped him.
"This medicine won't make me well enough to get out of bed!"
"Just try it!"
"Wow! I stand corrected!"
I 've always heard that the men of ancient Rome were more obsessed with their erections then men are today. Even my history professor calls it a phallusy.
What do we do once the Flash dies?
Bury Allen.
Snow White never spent much time refilling the dwarfs' plates; no matter how much they wanted, it only took seven seconds.
Niagara and Viagra sound similar, but there's a big difference: 50 years, more or less.
Waitress: "Would you like to hear today's special, sir?"
Customer: "Certainly!"
Waitress: "Okay... today is special.
OJ Simpson was recently spotted in a cocktail lounge with a Margarita. But he swears it isn't true; he never wanted tequila.
Before I was married, my life felt incomplete. But as soon as I met my wife, I was finished.
"We gotta do something! Babies can't swim!"
"Don't sweat it, dude. The pool's empty."
* * *
I recently joined the Gastrointestinal Awareness Organization. It's a bowel movement.
* * *
"The Olympics competitor from Botswana wants to throw his native spear instead of the traditional javelin."
"Assagai."
"Yeah, I'm rooting for him too."
* * *
There seem to be some radical alterations in this new "Sonic the Hedgehog" movie. Like, I guess he's now extremely religious; I hear he always has to go fast.
* * *
Q: What does a communist say when he breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: "It's not you, it's we."
* * *
My uncle moved from LA to start up an air conditioning franchise in our nation's capital. Well, he's getting plenty of calls, but not the right kind; he never should have called his business AC/DC.
* * *
"This new restaurant makes a big deal out of their "international" bathrooms."
"International?"
"Yeah. Outside: American. Inside: European."
* * *
My wife wants to bake a cake. She was trying for a bundt, but it went foul.
* * *
She: "Ain't love grand!"
He: "Sure. But I'm still staying single; divorce is closer to a hundred grand."
* * *
Would Steve Jobs do a better job in the White House than Donald Trump? That's comparing apples and oranges.
* * *
Offer me weed if you want to, but it's with cocaine that I draw the line!
* * *
How much sex should a straight guy have with another man?
Just enough to get bi.
* * *
My blonde girlfriend wants to do away with every baby lion in Africa. She says it's important to stop child predators.
* * *
My neighbor got tired of me making a pun out of everything he said. He told me he wanted me to take him literally for a change. So I did: I kidnapped him.
* * *
"This medicine won't make me well enough to get out of bed!"
"Just try it!"
"Wow! I stand corrected!"
* * *
I 've always heard that the men of ancient Rome were more obsessed with their erections then men are today. Even my history professor calls it a phallusy.
* * *
What do we do once the Flash dies?
Bury Allen.
* * *
Snow White never spent much time refilling the dwarfs' plates; no matter how much they wanted, it only took seven seconds.
* * *
Niagara and Viagra sound similar, but there's a big difference: 50 years, more or less.
* * *
Waitress: "Would you like to hear today's special, sir?"
Customer: "Certainly!"
Waitress: "Okay... today is special.
* * *
OJ Simpson was recently spotted in a cocktail lounge with a Margarita. But he swears it isn't true; he never wanted tequila.
* * *
Before I was married, my life felt incomplete. But as soon as I met my wife, I was finished.
