Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]Doctor: “Are you and your wife sexually active?”
Patient: “Well, I am. My wife usually just lies there daydreaming or watching the TV.”
She: “You think you’re so clever! Well, you aren’t if you can’t multitask.”
He: “Who says I can’t! I’m able to have sex with you and think of your sister at the same time.”
I wanted to marry my English teacher once she got out of jail, but she turned me down. She didn’t think it would be proper to end a sentence with a proposition.
When members of a lion pride jump on top of their prey to force it to the ground, does that still qualify as a dog pile?
Our trampoline died yesterday... RIP.
Trampolines used to be called jumpolines. Then my sister started using one...
Bakeries in the USSR must have been outstanding! It’s well known that customers would line up for weeks, just for a single slice of bread!
The local bar is 10 minutes from my house. However, my house is 2 hours from the bar.
Patient: “Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye.”
Doctor: “I think I see the problem, Mr. Smith... next time, try taking the spoon out of the cup.”
Thieves recently broke into a local theater building. What show-offs... they stole the spotlight.
I must be Superman! I just stumbled and fell to the ground, but was able to get right back up again. That means I was hit by a whole planet and survived!
Caesar: “Here are my plans for Roman expansion.”
Roman general: “I don’t understand these instructions. They’re all over the map.”
“These fish smell mighty bad.”
“ ‘Course they do! They got no noses.”
The Japanese have really taken to American culture. Small wonder... early US imports blew everyone away.
Hank Hill must have been a sadist. Why else would he promote pro pain and pro pain accessories?
Last July, an iceberg floated into San Francisco Bay and headed straight toward the Golden Gate. Authorities thought there might be a collision, but we needn’t worry about it now... it’s just water under the bridge.
My girlfriend likes it doggie style. She’s into ruff sex.
Lead actors from productions of “Charley’s Aunt” all across the country have agreed to participate in a big marathon for charity. It’ll be a drag race.
The next Macy’s Day Parade is gonna be a disaster; they plan on marching to pop tunes.
Storks may bring babies, but a swallow never will.
In olden days Germany was governed by a king, so everyone called it a kingdom. During WW II Hitler thought of himself as emperor, so it was called an empire. Today, it’s just considered a country.
The current First Lady is a beautiful woman with a perfect bust. Unfortunately, she also has a extremely large ass; but enough about Donald...[/FONT]
Patient: “Well, I am. My wife usually just lies there daydreaming or watching the TV.”
* * *
She: “You think you’re so clever! Well, you aren’t if you can’t multitask.”
He: “Who says I can’t! I’m able to have sex with you and think of your sister at the same time.”
* * *
I wanted to marry my English teacher once she got out of jail, but she turned me down. She didn’t think it would be proper to end a sentence with a proposition.
* * *
When members of a lion pride jump on top of their prey to force it to the ground, does that still qualify as a dog pile?
* * *
Our trampoline died yesterday... RIP.
* * *
Trampolines used to be called jumpolines. Then my sister started using one...
* * *
Bakeries in the USSR must have been outstanding! It’s well known that customers would line up for weeks, just for a single slice of bread!
* * *
The local bar is 10 minutes from my house. However, my house is 2 hours from the bar.
* * *
Patient: “Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye.”
Doctor: “I think I see the problem, Mr. Smith... next time, try taking the spoon out of the cup.”
* * *
Thieves recently broke into a local theater building. What show-offs... they stole the spotlight.
* * *
I must be Superman! I just stumbled and fell to the ground, but was able to get right back up again. That means I was hit by a whole planet and survived!
* * *
Caesar: “Here are my plans for Roman expansion.”
Roman general: “I don’t understand these instructions. They’re all over the map.”
* * *
“These fish smell mighty bad.”
“ ‘Course they do! They got no noses.”
* * *
The Japanese have really taken to American culture. Small wonder... early US imports blew everyone away.
* * *
Hank Hill must have been a sadist. Why else would he promote pro pain and pro pain accessories?
* * *
Last July, an iceberg floated into San Francisco Bay and headed straight toward the Golden Gate. Authorities thought there might be a collision, but we needn’t worry about it now... it’s just water under the bridge.
* * *
My girlfriend likes it doggie style. She’s into ruff sex.
* * *
Lead actors from productions of “Charley’s Aunt” all across the country have agreed to participate in a big marathon for charity. It’ll be a drag race.
* * *
The next Macy’s Day Parade is gonna be a disaster; they plan on marching to pop tunes.
* * *
Storks may bring babies, but a swallow never will.
* * *
In olden days Germany was governed by a king, so everyone called it a kingdom. During WW II Hitler thought of himself as emperor, so it was called an empire. Today, it’s just considered a country.
* * *
The current First Lady is a beautiful woman with a perfect bust. Unfortunately, she also has a extremely large ass; but enough about Donald...[/FONT]
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