Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My brother will be putting on a Jesus costume for the local Christmas pageant. I suppose you could call him a cross dresser.
Staring at cleavage is a great way to demonstrate multi-tasking. It proves you can concentrate on two things at the same time.
My best friend's body was completely dissolved when he fell into a vat of boiling water. Poor guy... he's going to be mist.
A duck starts to cross a road, when he's stopped by a chicken.
"Don't do it," the chicken warns him. "You'll never hear the end of it."
I had to drop my wall-eyed girlfriend. She was seeing someone on the side.
The school children of Flint, Michigan, are experiencing difficulty with the alphabet. Letters A to G don't bother them... neither do P to Z. But they're really having trouble with H to O.
A North Korean man was sentenced to 40 years in a labor camp for calling Kim Jong Un an idiot. He was convicted of violating the Official Secrets Act.
All the world's pandas are dying of pneumonia. It's complete pandemonium!
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you toss 'em.
My friends and I shared a box of Soylent Green. We had a tough time determining the flavor... it varies from person to person.
Out of curiosity, a pretty blonde sucked some of Dracula's blood. She considered it irony.
Telescopes operate by using mirrors. If space vampires are coming for us, we'll never know!
9/11 jokes just aren't funny. But the remaining 2 are hilarious!
There's a vast difference between jokes and dicks. My girlfriend won't laugh at my jokes.
It's just about impossible to solve redneck murders. There are never any dental records, and all the DNA samples are the same.
My neighbors listen to awesome music... whether they want to or not.
Just heard about new Viagra eye drops! I'm taking a hard look at 'em!
Only one US president is beyond reproach: Abraham Lincoln. He's undeniably in a cent.
A man well known for committing bestiality disappeared near a lake. Cops may yet find him high and dry, but they suspect he's sleeping with the fishes.
It's impossible for Miss Piggy to count to 100. Soon as she reaches 69, she gets a frog in her throat.
Nurse: I'm very sorry to tell you that you've contracted a highly contagious, deadly disease. You'll have to be kept in strict quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes.
Patient: That's terrible news! But... why pancakes? Will they really help me get better?
Nurse: No. But they're the easiest thing to slide under the door.
Last year I felt depressed and miserable, but I managed to turn things around. I now feel miserable and depressed.
* * *
Staring at cleavage is a great way to demonstrate multi-tasking. It proves you can concentrate on two things at the same time.
* * *
My best friend's body was completely dissolved when he fell into a vat of boiling water. Poor guy... he's going to be mist.
* * *
A duck starts to cross a road, when he's stopped by a chicken.
"Don't do it," the chicken warns him. "You'll never hear the end of it."
* * *
I had to drop my wall-eyed girlfriend. She was seeing someone on the side.
* * *
The school children of Flint, Michigan, are experiencing difficulty with the alphabet. Letters A to G don't bother them... neither do P to Z. But they're really having trouble with H to O.
* * *
A North Korean man was sentenced to 40 years in a labor camp for calling Kim Jong Un an idiot. He was convicted of violating the Official Secrets Act.
* * *
All the world's pandas are dying of pneumonia. It's complete pandemonium!
* * *
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you toss 'em.
* * *
My friends and I shared a box of Soylent Green. We had a tough time determining the flavor... it varies from person to person.
* * *
Out of curiosity, a pretty blonde sucked some of Dracula's blood. She considered it irony.
* * *
Telescopes operate by using mirrors. If space vampires are coming for us, we'll never know!
* * *
9/11 jokes just aren't funny. But the remaining 2 are hilarious!
* * *
There's a vast difference between jokes and dicks. My girlfriend won't laugh at my jokes.
* * *
It's just about impossible to solve redneck murders. There are never any dental records, and all the DNA samples are the same.
* * *
My neighbors listen to awesome music... whether they want to or not.
* * *
Just heard about new Viagra eye drops! I'm taking a hard look at 'em!
* * *
Only one US president is beyond reproach: Abraham Lincoln. He's undeniably in a cent.
* * *
A man well known for committing bestiality disappeared near a lake. Cops may yet find him high and dry, but they suspect he's sleeping with the fishes.
* * *
It's impossible for Miss Piggy to count to 100. Soon as she reaches 69, she gets a frog in her throat.
* * *
Nurse: I'm very sorry to tell you that you've contracted a highly contagious, deadly disease. You'll have to be kept in strict quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes.
Patient: That's terrible news! But... why pancakes? Will they really help me get better?
Nurse: No. But they're the easiest thing to slide under the door.
* * *
Last year I felt depressed and miserable, but I managed to turn things around. I now feel miserable and depressed.
