Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I found a poor old guy unconscious on the side of the road. I assume he was poor... he only had $3.00 in his wallet.
Golf balls are nothing to joke about. I had tennis elbow once, and it hurt like hell.
Kill a boss in a videogame and you're a hero. Try to avoid it at work, though.
Notice on a strip club door during off-hours: "Go Home. We're Clothed."
I know a transvestite who tried to become a pilot. He couldn't get off the ground; too much drag.
Brunette: "I cuddle with my husband at least three times a week."
Blonde: "Same with me."
Brunette: "You? I thought you were single."
Blonde: "That's right... whoops!"
I've got a strange job: I help one-armed typists form capital letters. It's shift work.
Daughter: "Just came back from psychiatrist, Mom. He tells me I'm schizophrenic."
Mom: "Oh dear! What dreadful news!"
Daughter: "On the plus side, I've started seeing someone."
I ordered spaghetti, but I'm not sure that it's actually spaghetti. I may have gotten an impasta.
King Arthur pulled a sword from a stone. That's after King Arthritis tried and failed.
I got the chance to meet a one-legged pirate. I thought it would be cool... actually, he was pretty lame.
A group of fish? A school.
A group of squid? A squad.
My brother is a masochistic thief. He continually commits burglaries, but is never dissuaded by the punishment; they insist on slapping him on the wrist.
Hear about the new Jewish car? It stops on a dime.
A street-corner hawker tried to sell me a pen that writes underwater. I told him to get lost; one word isn't enough for me!
Blacksmith: "So... you want to work in my shop, huh? You ever shoed a horse?"
Novice: "No. But I once told a donkey to get lost."
My sister refers to me as a social vegan. I avoid meet.
Steve Irwin should have been wearing sunscreen... it protects against harmful rays.
While on assignment in the Middle East, a friend of mine became depressed and called a suicide hotline. They asked him if he could drive a truck.
When communicating on the phone, never use your voice; use sign language. Actions speak louder than words.
I'm trying to buy cigarettes online. Must be on the right track... my keyword search brought in 10,000 matches.
A motorcycle cop pulls a priest over for speeding.
Cop: "Father, have you had anything to drink?"
Priest: "Just a bottle of water."
Cop: "Then why do I smell wine on your breath?"
Priest: "Oh good lord! He's done it again!"
* * *
Golf balls are nothing to joke about. I had tennis elbow once, and it hurt like hell.
* * *
Kill a boss in a videogame and you're a hero. Try to avoid it at work, though.
* * *
Notice on a strip club door during off-hours: "Go Home. We're Clothed."
* * *
I know a transvestite who tried to become a pilot. He couldn't get off the ground; too much drag.
* * *
Brunette: "I cuddle with my husband at least three times a week."
Blonde: "Same with me."
Brunette: "You? I thought you were single."
Blonde: "That's right... whoops!"
* * *
I've got a strange job: I help one-armed typists form capital letters. It's shift work.
* * *
Daughter: "Just came back from psychiatrist, Mom. He tells me I'm schizophrenic."
Mom: "Oh dear! What dreadful news!"
Daughter: "On the plus side, I've started seeing someone."
* * *
I ordered spaghetti, but I'm not sure that it's actually spaghetti. I may have gotten an impasta.
* * *
King Arthur pulled a sword from a stone. That's after King Arthritis tried and failed.
* * *
I got the chance to meet a one-legged pirate. I thought it would be cool... actually, he was pretty lame.
* * *
A group of fish? A school.
A group of squid? A squad.
* * *
My brother is a masochistic thief. He continually commits burglaries, but is never dissuaded by the punishment; they insist on slapping him on the wrist.
* * *
Hear about the new Jewish car? It stops on a dime.
* * *
A street-corner hawker tried to sell me a pen that writes underwater. I told him to get lost; one word isn't enough for me!
* * *
Blacksmith: "So... you want to work in my shop, huh? You ever shoed a horse?"
Novice: "No. But I once told a donkey to get lost."
* * *
My sister refers to me as a social vegan. I avoid meet.
* * *
Steve Irwin should have been wearing sunscreen... it protects against harmful rays.
* * *
While on assignment in the Middle East, a friend of mine became depressed and called a suicide hotline. They asked him if he could drive a truck.
* * *
When communicating on the phone, never use your voice; use sign language. Actions speak louder than words.
* * *
I'm trying to buy cigarettes online. Must be on the right track... my keyword search brought in 10,000 matches.
* * *
A motorcycle cop pulls a priest over for speeding.
Cop: "Father, have you had anything to drink?"
Priest: "Just a bottle of water."
Cop: "Then why do I smell wine on your breath?"
Priest: "Oh good lord! He's done it again!"
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