Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I've tried for weeks to come up with a word to describe something that can be both short and long and finally come up with one that fits perfectly: shlong.
Q: Did the Egyptian laborers use much special technology to install Tutankhamun in his tomb?
A: It took a Pharaoh mount.
I asked my great granddad if he was concerned at all about his constitution. He told me it was just the opposite... he was much more interested in his prostitution.
Right butt cheek to left butt cheek: "Stick with me and we can stop some nasty shit from goin' down."
My friend invited me over to stay the week and told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out... I really can't stand company.
The escalator in our local mall quit working. What a pain; I wish they'd put in a set of stairs instead.
You know what they say about the coronavirus... I hope you do anyway, 'cause they never told me.
A horse saunters into a bar. The barman drawls, "Hey, why the long face?"
The horse is incapable of understanding human speech. It takes a dump on the floor and leaves.
I went to see a psychic the other day and asked her if I would ever spend time in prison. She told me the answer was no, so I robbed her.
When Kim Jong Un actually does die, he'll be succeeded by his twin brother, Kim Jong Deux.
I've become a freediving instructor. I don't like it much; it's a tankless job.
Never allow a bee to get stuck in your garage. All you'll end up with is garbage.
Cops say I sent them in the wrong direction when asked which way the crooks went during the getaway. Well, no one accuses me of incompetence! "Hey!" I shouted, outraged, "I know my rights!"
"Our teacher wants an essay on pandemics. How many can you think of?"
"Well, COVID right off the bat."
Did you know you can make a small fortune while hiking? I manufacture hand sanitizer and have hiked the price five times since the pandemic started!
Never sail your yacht into the Bermuda Triangle; you'll turn it into a nervous wreck.
My blonde girlfriend sent back her order of rabbit stew. She complained that she found a hare in it.
Jeffery Dalmer was beaten to death by a fellow inmate. He never should have asked for a knuckle sandwich.
You'd think that I'd throw out my old pair of pants now that I've lost 50 pounds, but I can't bear to: it's seen me through thick and thin.
I ate a whole bag of chips last night... last time I'll be invited to a poker game.
My cousin's dentures actually fit me better than they fit him and vice versa, so we swapped. Next thing you know, we're being investigated for incisor trading.
Hitler picked a Volkswagen to be his chauffeur-driven staff car. It was heavily armored, so he nicknamed it the Pachyderm. That was appropriate... it had a trunk up front and an asshole in the back.
* * *
Q: Did the Egyptian laborers use much special technology to install Tutankhamun in his tomb?
A: It took a Pharaoh mount.
* * *
I asked my great granddad if he was concerned at all about his constitution. He told me it was just the opposite... he was much more interested in his prostitution.
* * *
Right butt cheek to left butt cheek: "Stick with me and we can stop some nasty shit from goin' down."
* * *
My friend invited me over to stay the week and told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out... I really can't stand company.
* * *
The escalator in our local mall quit working. What a pain; I wish they'd put in a set of stairs instead.
* * *
You know what they say about the coronavirus... I hope you do anyway, 'cause they never told me.
* * *
A horse saunters into a bar. The barman drawls, "Hey, why the long face?"
The horse is incapable of understanding human speech. It takes a dump on the floor and leaves.
* * *
I went to see a psychic the other day and asked her if I would ever spend time in prison. She told me the answer was no, so I robbed her.
* * *
When Kim Jong Un actually does die, he'll be succeeded by his twin brother, Kim Jong Deux.
* * *
I've become a freediving instructor. I don't like it much; it's a tankless job.
* * *
Never allow a bee to get stuck in your garage. All you'll end up with is garbage.
* * *
Cops say I sent them in the wrong direction when asked which way the crooks went during the getaway. Well, no one accuses me of incompetence! "Hey!" I shouted, outraged, "I know my rights!"
* * *
"Our teacher wants an essay on pandemics. How many can you think of?"
"Well, COVID right off the bat."
* * *
Did you know you can make a small fortune while hiking? I manufacture hand sanitizer and have hiked the price five times since the pandemic started!
* * *
Never sail your yacht into the Bermuda Triangle; you'll turn it into a nervous wreck.
* * *
My blonde girlfriend sent back her order of rabbit stew. She complained that she found a hare in it.
* * *
Jeffery Dalmer was beaten to death by a fellow inmate. He never should have asked for a knuckle sandwich.
* * *
You'd think that I'd throw out my old pair of pants now that I've lost 50 pounds, but I can't bear to: it's seen me through thick and thin.
* * *
I ate a whole bag of chips last night... last time I'll be invited to a poker game.
* * *
My cousin's dentures actually fit me better than they fit him and vice versa, so we swapped. Next thing you know, we're being investigated for incisor trading.
* * *
Hitler picked a Volkswagen to be his chauffeur-driven staff car. It was heavily armored, so he nicknamed it the Pachyderm. That was appropriate... it had a trunk up front and an asshole in the back.
