Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Guess I gotta have sex with my dog. I've just been told it's a bang-collie day.
It's true that a country run by a king is called a kingdom. So... what do you call a cellblock run by a con?
Why does the giraffe have such a long neck?
He needs one. Look how far away his head is.
How embarrassing! I passed gas while viewing the moon through a telescope. It was an ass-toot observation.
If a fireman offers you two options for escaping a burning house, always accept the ladder.
Hurricane, to palm tree: "Hold onto your nuts! This won't be your average blowjob!"
I used to be something of a wimp before I started rock climbing. Now I feel boulder.
What time is it in Ireland?
Five O'clock.
What time is it in Scotland?
Five McClock.
Park one car and you need only a single space. Park one hundred and you'll need a lot.
I hear that Burger King just got Dairy Queen pregnant. Evidently he neglected to wrap his Whopper.
The year is 2017 and America seems to have lost its way. Maybe in 2020 we'll see things more clearly.
I have an amazing psychic ability... I can find items before people even lose them. Damn cops, however, call it theft.
Some think that public school students weigh more, due to easily accessed junk food. To me, Catholic school students are clearly heavier; they have more Mass.
When the most popular girl in school changes clothes right in front of you, it's a pretty good sign! A sign that she hasn't spotted the hole yet.
If you must give a tree as an anniversary gift, make sure it's young. Married couples don't appreciate adult tree.
Sprout sees the Jolly Green Giant making a salad for dinner and whines, "Oh jeez, Dad! Not your laundry again!"
I was surprised to learn that the only clothing allowed in North Korea is actually German: Supreme Leader hosen.
Hasbro has just produced a Mr. Potato Head version of Kim Jong Un. They're calling it The Little Dick Tater
My brother hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. The long version is Steven.
Did you know the ancient Greeks worshipped chickens? It's true! I just found out that their sun god was a pollo!
Why did the North Korean chicken cross the road into South Korea?
To get out of range of North Korean missiles.
Daddy: Say "Daddy", sweetie.
Baby: Mommy!
Daddy: C'mom, say "Daddy" for your ol' man.
Baby: Mommy!
Daddy: Fuck it, will you just say "Daddy"?
Mommy: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: Fuck it!
Mommy: Hey! Who taught her to say that?
Baby: Daddy!
* * *
It's true that a country run by a king is called a kingdom. So... what do you call a cellblock run by a con?
* * *
Why does the giraffe have such a long neck?
He needs one. Look how far away his head is.
* * *
How embarrassing! I passed gas while viewing the moon through a telescope. It was an ass-toot observation.
* * *
If a fireman offers you two options for escaping a burning house, always accept the ladder.
* * *
Hurricane, to palm tree: "Hold onto your nuts! This won't be your average blowjob!"
* * *
I used to be something of a wimp before I started rock climbing. Now I feel boulder.
* * *
What time is it in Ireland?
Five O'clock.
What time is it in Scotland?
Five McClock.
* * *
Park one car and you need only a single space. Park one hundred and you'll need a lot.
* * *
I hear that Burger King just got Dairy Queen pregnant. Evidently he neglected to wrap his Whopper.
* * *
The year is 2017 and America seems to have lost its way. Maybe in 2020 we'll see things more clearly.
* * *
I have an amazing psychic ability... I can find items before people even lose them. Damn cops, however, call it theft.
* * *
Some think that public school students weigh more, due to easily accessed junk food. To me, Catholic school students are clearly heavier; they have more Mass.
* * *
When the most popular girl in school changes clothes right in front of you, it's a pretty good sign! A sign that she hasn't spotted the hole yet.
* * *
If you must give a tree as an anniversary gift, make sure it's young. Married couples don't appreciate adult tree.
* * *
Sprout sees the Jolly Green Giant making a salad for dinner and whines, "Oh jeez, Dad! Not your laundry again!"
* * *
I was surprised to learn that the only clothing allowed in North Korea is actually German: Supreme Leader hosen.
* * *
Hasbro has just produced a Mr. Potato Head version of Kim Jong Un. They're calling it The Little Dick Tater
* * *
My brother hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. The long version is Steven.
* * *
Did you know the ancient Greeks worshipped chickens? It's true! I just found out that their sun god was a pollo!
* * *
Why did the North Korean chicken cross the road into South Korea?
To get out of range of North Korean missiles.
* * *
Daddy: Say "Daddy", sweetie.
Baby: Mommy!
Daddy: C'mom, say "Daddy" for your ol' man.
Baby: Mommy!
Daddy: Fuck it, will you just say "Daddy"?
Mommy: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: Fuck it!
Mommy: Hey! Who taught her to say that?
Baby: Daddy!
