Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My credit card company is super-pleased with the way I'm handling my account! They just told me my balance is outstanding!
A perverted janitor was fired from his job at the sperm back. He was caught drinking on the job.
A petty thief once wore a frog disguise to hold up a bank. He was arrested for kermiting robbery.
Jeffrey Dahmer, to Lorena Bobbit: "You gonna finish that?"
Back during the Cold War, a man walked into a Soviet store.
"You wouldn't happen to have any bread?" he inquired.
"Sorry," said the man at the counter. "This is a butcher shop. It's where we don't happen to have any meat. The bakery is across the street. That's where they don't happen to have any bread."
My ex-girlfriend's named Opal... I'm afraid I took her for granite.
A human heart was brought into the police station. It was under cardiac arrest.
I was asked to donate to a fund for sick teenagers, but I refused. They'd probably just spend it on drugs.
A special disciplinarian, half man, half horse, insured that young Greek heroes kept at their studies. He was the Centaur of Attention.
I planned to tell a joke about a ceiling fan, but I'm afraid it'd be over your head.
It's easy to differentiate a political motorcade from a porcupine. The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
One of my great delights is to visit the playground and watch children hollering and dashing all about! They're so young and innocent... they haven't the faintest idea I'm using blanks!
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me! After 20 years of steadfast loyalty, I've been unfaithful to my husband! I just can't live with the idea, it's so desperately out of character... do you think you could hypnotize me so l'll never remember it happened?
Psychiatrist: What, again?
There's some nasty gossip going 'round about the taffy puller, but don't believe it. It's nothing but viscous rumor.
One of every three men has a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us don't consider it a problem.
I'm afraid my pet duck has developed an addiction to drugs. He's become a quack head.
Keep that candy away from my alcoholic uncle! It's liqour-ish!
Most folks think I'm losing weight so's to get into my pants. I'm actually losing weight so's to get into her pants.
Never buy anything from a cannibal. It'll cost you an arm and a leg.
Hope you enjoy my pizza joke! It's all in the delivery!
My father-in-law is a well-known transvestite. You may have heard about him... he was arrested for male fraud.
Boy: Daddy, put me down!
Father: I've considered it, son. But the vet assures me it's still murder.
* * *
A perverted janitor was fired from his job at the sperm back. He was caught drinking on the job.
* * *
A petty thief once wore a frog disguise to hold up a bank. He was arrested for kermiting robbery.
* * *
Jeffrey Dahmer, to Lorena Bobbit: "You gonna finish that?"
* * *
Back during the Cold War, a man walked into a Soviet store.
"You wouldn't happen to have any bread?" he inquired.
"Sorry," said the man at the counter. "This is a butcher shop. It's where we don't happen to have any meat. The bakery is across the street. That's where they don't happen to have any bread."
* * *
My ex-girlfriend's named Opal... I'm afraid I took her for granite.
* * *
A human heart was brought into the police station. It was under cardiac arrest.
* * *
I was asked to donate to a fund for sick teenagers, but I refused. They'd probably just spend it on drugs.
* * *
A special disciplinarian, half man, half horse, insured that young Greek heroes kept at their studies. He was the Centaur of Attention.
* * *
I planned to tell a joke about a ceiling fan, but I'm afraid it'd be over your head.
* * *
It's easy to differentiate a political motorcade from a porcupine. The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
* * *
One of my great delights is to visit the playground and watch children hollering and dashing all about! They're so young and innocent... they haven't the faintest idea I'm using blanks!
* * *
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me! After 20 years of steadfast loyalty, I've been unfaithful to my husband! I just can't live with the idea, it's so desperately out of character... do you think you could hypnotize me so l'll never remember it happened?
Psychiatrist: What, again?
* * *
There's some nasty gossip going 'round about the taffy puller, but don't believe it. It's nothing but viscous rumor.
* * *
One of every three men has a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us don't consider it a problem.
* * *
I'm afraid my pet duck has developed an addiction to drugs. He's become a quack head.
* * *
Keep that candy away from my alcoholic uncle! It's liqour-ish!
* * *
Most folks think I'm losing weight so's to get into my pants. I'm actually losing weight so's to get into her pants.
* * *
Never buy anything from a cannibal. It'll cost you an arm and a leg.
* * *
Hope you enjoy my pizza joke! It's all in the delivery!
* * *
My father-in-law is a well-known transvestite. You may have heard about him... he was arrested for male fraud.
* * *
Boy: Daddy, put me down!
Father: I've considered it, son. But the vet assures me it's still murder.
