Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Brunette: "Dang it! I accidentally dropped my cell-phone in the sink! The water will ruin it!"
Blonde: " Don't panic, I'll help you. Wait one minute while I dial your number... that should ring it out."
My dad was terribly inconsistent while I was growing up... always told me to push my limits, yet freaked when I was clocked going 50 in a school zone.
Brunette: "I'm bisexual. How about you?"
Blonde: "Yeah, I must be too. Shopping always makes me horny."
A pair of woodchucks wandered into a convent and were taken in by the sisters. After that, Bruce Lee adopted them; he could always use a pair of nunchucks.
I have a bit of advice for you... : adv.
God blamed Adam. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent. Which of them was the worst?
I'm not naming any names, but his guilt is undeniable. He hasn't got a leg to stand on.
I'm trying to get back in touch with the natural world and have recently been communing with a bunch of the elemental forces. For the most part, it's gone pretty well: I immediately warmed up to fire, got down to earth, and had a blast with air. Yep, we all had a great time... everybody but water. Seemed to me there was always water tension.
Karen Carpenter became so scrawny from anorexia that she finally died. Her musical group, the Carpenters, considered it a signal transmission problem: she could have used a lot more bandwidth.
Teacher: "What do you know about absolute zero?"
Student: "That's when all the atoms stop moving, at 459 below zero on the thermometer."
Teacher: "Well, you're right, to a degree."
I have an uncontrollable compulsion to play word games. My family's worried about it, but still supportive; for my birthday, they got me addictionairy.
It's so sad! After 40 years we suddenly lost our church musician... organ failure.
Ganon the archvillain was always keen to marry Zelda the princess. What excitement... there was clearly a Link between them!
I'll never understand society! My cousin donates a kidney and everyone calls him a hero! But when I try to donate 10, I get arrested!
Genie: "You have released me from the magic lamp! Make any wish and it shall come true."
Aladdin: "Okay. I wish I was invisible. Can you make that happen?"
Gen e: "Of course, Master, f that s your w sh."
Genie: "Name your second wish and I shall grant it."
Aladdin: "I wish I had a hat."
Genîe: "Weîrd request, but certaînly."
Genie: "You wanna try this wish thing one more time?"
Aladdin: "It's so stressful! Man, I wish I was you."
Genue: "Unterestung chouce."
Astronomy may not seem like a sexy pursuit, but it really is. Some celestial bodies are incredibly hot.
A new fad activity seems to be killing kids off in bizarre, unnatural ways. I mean, what ugly vice could they possibly cause them to become vapors?
I chose to quit my job teaching high school for active military duty in Afghanistan... the risk of getting shot was becoming too great.
What make of car does a German cowboy drive?
Audi, ma'am.
You've heard about the Flintstones baby, Pebbles? Well, I understand she's awfully shy. Don't worry... she'll soon become a little bolder.
I used to keep hives in the backyard, but my wife insisted I get rid of them because of the constant stinging. I thought she was exaggerating... then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.
"I am a magic genie. I shall grant you three wishes."
"Could you make it four?"
"Granted! You now have three wishes."
Blonde: " Don't panic, I'll help you. Wait one minute while I dial your number... that should ring it out."
* * *
My dad was terribly inconsistent while I was growing up... always told me to push my limits, yet freaked when I was clocked going 50 in a school zone.
* * *
Brunette: "I'm bisexual. How about you?"
Blonde: "Yeah, I must be too. Shopping always makes me horny."
* * *
A pair of woodchucks wandered into a convent and were taken in by the sisters. After that, Bruce Lee adopted them; he could always use a pair of nunchucks.
* * *
I have a bit of advice for you... : adv.
* * *
God blamed Adam. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent. Which of them was the worst?
I'm not naming any names, but his guilt is undeniable. He hasn't got a leg to stand on.
* * *
I'm trying to get back in touch with the natural world and have recently been communing with a bunch of the elemental forces. For the most part, it's gone pretty well: I immediately warmed up to fire, got down to earth, and had a blast with air. Yep, we all had a great time... everybody but water. Seemed to me there was always water tension.
* * *
Karen Carpenter became so scrawny from anorexia that she finally died. Her musical group, the Carpenters, considered it a signal transmission problem: she could have used a lot more bandwidth.
* * *
Teacher: "What do you know about absolute zero?"
Student: "That's when all the atoms stop moving, at 459 below zero on the thermometer."
Teacher: "Well, you're right, to a degree."
* * *
I have an uncontrollable compulsion to play word games. My family's worried about it, but still supportive; for my birthday, they got me addictionairy.
* * *
It's so sad! After 40 years we suddenly lost our church musician... organ failure.
* * *
Ganon the archvillain was always keen to marry Zelda the princess. What excitement... there was clearly a Link between them!
* * *
I'll never understand society! My cousin donates a kidney and everyone calls him a hero! But when I try to donate 10, I get arrested!
* * *
Genie: "You have released me from the magic lamp! Make any wish and it shall come true."
Aladdin: "Okay. I wish I was invisible. Can you make that happen?"
Gen e: "Of course, Master, f that s your w sh."
* * *
Genie: "Name your second wish and I shall grant it."
Aladdin: "I wish I had a hat."
Genîe: "Weîrd request, but certaînly."
* * *
Genie: "You wanna try this wish thing one more time?"
Aladdin: "It's so stressful! Man, I wish I was you."
Genue: "Unterestung chouce."
* * *
Astronomy may not seem like a sexy pursuit, but it really is. Some celestial bodies are incredibly hot.
* * *
A new fad activity seems to be killing kids off in bizarre, unnatural ways. I mean, what ugly vice could they possibly cause them to become vapors?
* * *
I chose to quit my job teaching high school for active military duty in Afghanistan... the risk of getting shot was becoming too great.
* * *
What make of car does a German cowboy drive?
Audi, ma'am.
* * *
You've heard about the Flintstones baby, Pebbles? Well, I understand she's awfully shy. Don't worry... she'll soon become a little bolder.
* * *
I used to keep hives in the backyard, but my wife insisted I get rid of them because of the constant stinging. I thought she was exaggerating... then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.
* * *
"I am a magic genie. I shall grant you three wishes."
"Could you make it four?"
"Granted! You now have three wishes."
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