Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My wife asked me to put olive oil on our shopping list. I didn't like the idea, but I did it anyway; now all the printing is smeary.
Marvel Comics had a trans-gender hero way back in the '60s. I suppose you've heard of him: Aunt Man.
Why is everyone talking about Pride Month? It makes no sense in the US... we got no lions like they do in Africa.
Frequently heard at the entrance to a bee hive: "Honey, I'm home!"
I used to sell smoothies to rich tourists at Stonehenge. However, I no longer mix in those circles.
It's a sad truth that women actually prefer beer to men. That's because a beer always hits the spot!
I regularly drive in the car chewing tobacco. Don't ask me where it picked up such a filthy habit.
Squirrel: "Why on earth are you climbing up this tree?"
Horse: "I want to eat some apples."
Squirrel: "But this is an oak tree!"
Horse: "I know. I brought a couple with me."
I'm always moved by a good organ tune. I feel the music in my heart. Also my liver.
Even employees are effected at a Quantum Physics Lab. Their behavior changes completely if a supervisor is observing.
I don't trust these diet pills. It says on the label, "Must be taken with food."
Q: How do you milk sheep?
A: Release a new iPhone.
My wife sings every evening while she's washing the dishes; I make it a habit to sit out on the front porch while she does. That's so the neighbors will know I'm not beating her.
He: "Hey honey, you want a beer?"
She: "Darling...have you forgotten I'm pregnant?"
He: "So, so sorry! Do you two want a beer?"
Bums in my neighborhood tend to get a bad rap... several, if no cops are around.
Are you familiar with the concept of reincarnation? Apparently it's making a comeback.
The iPhone 13 will be released in September. How d'ya like them Apples?
Colonel Sanders became very popular with ladies nationwide. He was a chick magnate.
Rihanna always knew when Chris Brown had been cheating on her. She'd catch him with unfamiliar lipstick on his knuckles.
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist has to content himself with a bush.
I just saw carpenter ants in my basement. This could be trouble... I don't think they're union.
Customer: "Doesn't look like we can order yet. My wife's in the bathroom."
Waiter: "Did she give you any idea what she's planning to have?"
Customer: "No, but she's been gone for 15 minutes; I'm assuming it's a shit."
* * *
Marvel Comics had a trans-gender hero way back in the '60s. I suppose you've heard of him: Aunt Man.
* * *
Why is everyone talking about Pride Month? It makes no sense in the US... we got no lions like they do in Africa.
* * *
Frequently heard at the entrance to a bee hive: "Honey, I'm home!"
* * *
I used to sell smoothies to rich tourists at Stonehenge. However, I no longer mix in those circles.
* * *
It's a sad truth that women actually prefer beer to men. That's because a beer always hits the spot!
* * *
I regularly drive in the car chewing tobacco. Don't ask me where it picked up such a filthy habit.
* * *
Squirrel: "Why on earth are you climbing up this tree?"
Horse: "I want to eat some apples."
Squirrel: "But this is an oak tree!"
Horse: "I know. I brought a couple with me."
* * *
I'm always moved by a good organ tune. I feel the music in my heart. Also my liver.
* * *
Even employees are effected at a Quantum Physics Lab. Their behavior changes completely if a supervisor is observing.
* * *
I don't trust these diet pills. It says on the label, "Must be taken with food."
* * *
Q: How do you milk sheep?
A: Release a new iPhone.
* * *
My wife sings every evening while she's washing the dishes; I make it a habit to sit out on the front porch while she does. That's so the neighbors will know I'm not beating her.
* * *
He: "Hey honey, you want a beer?"
She: "Darling...have you forgotten I'm pregnant?"
He: "So, so sorry! Do you two want a beer?"
* * *
Bums in my neighborhood tend to get a bad rap... several, if no cops are around.
* * *
Are you familiar with the concept of reincarnation? Apparently it's making a comeback.
* * *
The iPhone 13 will be released in September. How d'ya like them Apples?
* * *
Colonel Sanders became very popular with ladies nationwide. He was a chick magnate.
* * *
Rihanna always knew when Chris Brown had been cheating on her. She'd catch him with unfamiliar lipstick on his knuckles.
* * *
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist has to content himself with a bush.
* * *
I just saw carpenter ants in my basement. This could be trouble... I don't think they're union.
* * *
Customer: "Doesn't look like we can order yet. My wife's in the bathroom."
Waiter: "Did she give you any idea what she's planning to have?"
Customer: "No, but she's been gone for 15 minutes; I'm assuming it's a shit."
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