Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
After winning my first game, I took the ball and heaved it to the spectators. No one told me that wasn't customary in bowling.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. What happens in China makes it 'round the world instantly.
My wife handles discipline in our household, but Junior can be quite a handful. Like for instance, he has a bad habit of scribbling on the walls with a crayon. She's finds it "charming" when he marks up the hallway, the bathroom and the bedroom, but puts a stop to it when he tries it in the kitchen. That's where she draws the line.
Kamikaze flight instructor: "Watch carefully, men. I'm only gonna show you this once."
Whales are the saddest creatures in the ocean. Each one of them goes through life with a heavy heart.
Q: What coughs, wheezes and never grows older?
A: Anyone involved with the Peter Pandemic.
I wanted to write an article about the game Tetris, but it was futile. Each time I finished a line, it would disappear.
Workers at the Denver Mint are going on strike. They claim they've been making way too much money.
Mario's cousin wanted to be a plumber too. Alas, it was only a pipe dream.
After the COVID virus escaped from that Chinese lab, other examples of their bizarre research has come to light. It's not all that important in view of the current crisis, but did you know they were trying to combine elephant DNA with rat DNA? The results? It's a relephant.
Trump went out to play golf and knocked one into the bunker. Came this close to hitting Biden.
A pharmaceutical company has been conducting tests to determine the efficacy of a new diabetes prevention drug. For two years, they gave a test group the drug and a control group a placebo. The results were illuminating: after two years, the group receiving the real drug showed no change, while the group receiving sugar tablets all developed diabetes.
I find the girl who lives next door pretty cute and she seems to like me too, but she refuses to come over to my place. She just wants to talk to me on the phone instead. Too bad; I hear these lawn distance relationships never work.
Have you heard the conspiracy story about the Apollo moon landing? Evidently NASA didn't think the program could ever be successful, so they hired Stanley Kubrick to create footage to convince the American public. But he was such a perfectionist, he demanded to film it on location.
Things became so hot during a prison fire that dozens of the convicts literally melted into a huge puddle. Sounds to me like mass con-fusion.
The "Hunger Games" movie went by that title principally in the US. Many foreign nations chose to alter it. In France, for instance, it was known as "Battle Royale with Cheese".
Xbox has been trying to make inroads in Pennsylvania cities. Unfortunately, it's always Sony in Philadelphia.
First shrimp: "Hey! That orange and white minnow is waving us into the anemone! Let's go on in. I'm sure we can trust him!"
Second shrimp: "I dunno... he seems a little fishy."
Most normal people are supposed to have 32 teeth, but based on my personal experience I know it's only 17. Believe me, I've done the meth.
One of the participants in the Iditarod tried something different: he used a string of felines instead of a dog-sled team. When asked if he won, he reported that he was bringing home a load of cold, hard cats.
I told my broker I wanted to invest in bullion, but instead he sunk all my money in bouillon. Now, instead of gold I'm stuck with a million dollars worth of soup fixings. Man, I never should have gotten involved in the stock market!
As a moral man, I refuse to go out with married women. My wife isn't pleased, but she knew my policy when she married me.
* * *
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. What happens in China makes it 'round the world instantly.
* * *
My wife handles discipline in our household, but Junior can be quite a handful. Like for instance, he has a bad habit of scribbling on the walls with a crayon. She's finds it "charming" when he marks up the hallway, the bathroom and the bedroom, but puts a stop to it when he tries it in the kitchen. That's where she draws the line.
* * *
Kamikaze flight instructor: "Watch carefully, men. I'm only gonna show you this once."
* * *
Whales are the saddest creatures in the ocean. Each one of them goes through life with a heavy heart.
* * *
Q: What coughs, wheezes and never grows older?
A: Anyone involved with the Peter Pandemic.
* * *
I wanted to write an article about the game Tetris, but it was futile. Each time I finished a line, it would disappear.
* * *
Workers at the Denver Mint are going on strike. They claim they've been making way too much money.
* * *
Mario's cousin wanted to be a plumber too. Alas, it was only a pipe dream.
* * *
After the COVID virus escaped from that Chinese lab, other examples of their bizarre research has come to light. It's not all that important in view of the current crisis, but did you know they were trying to combine elephant DNA with rat DNA? The results? It's a relephant.
* * *
Trump went out to play golf and knocked one into the bunker. Came this close to hitting Biden.
* * *
A pharmaceutical company has been conducting tests to determine the efficacy of a new diabetes prevention drug. For two years, they gave a test group the drug and a control group a placebo. The results were illuminating: after two years, the group receiving the real drug showed no change, while the group receiving sugar tablets all developed diabetes.
* * *
I find the girl who lives next door pretty cute and she seems to like me too, but she refuses to come over to my place. She just wants to talk to me on the phone instead. Too bad; I hear these lawn distance relationships never work.
* * *
Have you heard the conspiracy story about the Apollo moon landing? Evidently NASA didn't think the program could ever be successful, so they hired Stanley Kubrick to create footage to convince the American public. But he was such a perfectionist, he demanded to film it on location.
* * *
Things became so hot during a prison fire that dozens of the convicts literally melted into a huge puddle. Sounds to me like mass con-fusion.
* * *
The "Hunger Games" movie went by that title principally in the US. Many foreign nations chose to alter it. In France, for instance, it was known as "Battle Royale with Cheese".
* * *
Xbox has been trying to make inroads in Pennsylvania cities. Unfortunately, it's always Sony in Philadelphia.
* * *
First shrimp: "Hey! That orange and white minnow is waving us into the anemone! Let's go on in. I'm sure we can trust him!"
Second shrimp: "I dunno... he seems a little fishy."
* * *
Most normal people are supposed to have 32 teeth, but based on my personal experience I know it's only 17. Believe me, I've done the meth.
* * *
One of the participants in the Iditarod tried something different: he used a string of felines instead of a dog-sled team. When asked if he won, he reported that he was bringing home a load of cold, hard cats.
* * *
I told my broker I wanted to invest in bullion, but instead he sunk all my money in bouillon. Now, instead of gold I'm stuck with a million dollars worth of soup fixings. Man, I never should have gotten involved in the stock market!
* * *
As a moral man, I refuse to go out with married women. My wife isn't pleased, but she knew my policy when she married me.
