Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]An embarrassing incident took place on the bus this morning... a drunk woman stripped off all her clothes and started gyrating wildly. Some guys were so disconcerted, they got off right there.
Various websites say it’s perfectly all right to let your pets sleep with you on your bed, so I tried it for myself. Fucking internet! My goldfish died that very night!
What’s the longest word in the Spanish language?
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL!!!
My chimney recently quit smoking. It’s developed hearth trouble.
Mary opened up an Asian restaurant, but several of her patrons became sick. She’s now known as Thai Food Mary.
I saw a homeless woman wheeling away a shopping cart, but the only thing inside it were a few horse shoes and rabbits’ feet. If you ask me, she was pushing her luck.
Earthquakes are the funniest natural disaster. They crack everyone up.
My wife gripes that my stew is way too watery and salty. Damn it, I put my blood and sweat into that meal!
Cow #1: “I was artificially inseminated today.”
Cow #2: “Artificially inseminated? I don’t believe you!”
Cow #1: “It’s absolutely true! No bull!”
What’s the easiest way to tell an alligator from a crocodile?
One will see you later; the other will see you after awhile.
Trump has had to let another member of his cabinet go, this time for smoking weed and masterbating on the job. Details are still sketchy, but this one’s described as “a high wanking official”.
I’m not prejudiced... I like and respect all races. Except for marathons, that is... too many Africans.
Are you in retail? You ought to consider selling podiums! It’s a product you’ll have no problem standing behind!
Stay away from that oak tree. It looks kinda shady.
My roommate’s stealing my beer. I didn’t see him do it, but there was a full six-pack in the fridge last night and only two this morning. It’s a four-gone conclusion.
“Nice to meet you, friend! What do I call you?”
“You can call me Alpheus.”
“Alpheus! Now there’s a name you don’t hear every day!”
“Actually, I do.”
That pimp used to be a gardener. He’s had plenty of experience putting hoes in beds.
I used to be an advocate for necrophilia, bestiality and sadism, but finally gave it up. After awhile it became all too clear I was beating a dead horse.
M is for Monday. T is for Tuesday. That’s plenty; the rest of the work week is WTF.
Noah’s son was none too bright; he couldn’t understand why his dad didn’t build an aquarium into the ark to save all the fish.
Pornography’s almost always frowned upon. That’s what happens when you concentrate hard.
“In my eyes, gay sex is a sin!”
“Small wonder! If you’re getting it in the eyes, you’re doing it all wrong!”[/FONT]
* * *
Various websites say it’s perfectly all right to let your pets sleep with you on your bed, so I tried it for myself. Fucking internet! My goldfish died that very night!
* * *
What’s the longest word in the Spanish language?
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL!!!
* * *
My chimney recently quit smoking. It’s developed hearth trouble.
* * *
Mary opened up an Asian restaurant, but several of her patrons became sick. She’s now known as Thai Food Mary.
* * *
I saw a homeless woman wheeling away a shopping cart, but the only thing inside it were a few horse shoes and rabbits’ feet. If you ask me, she was pushing her luck.
* * *
Earthquakes are the funniest natural disaster. They crack everyone up.
* * *
My wife gripes that my stew is way too watery and salty. Damn it, I put my blood and sweat into that meal!
* * *
Cow #1: “I was artificially inseminated today.”
Cow #2: “Artificially inseminated? I don’t believe you!”
Cow #1: “It’s absolutely true! No bull!”
* * *
What’s the easiest way to tell an alligator from a crocodile?
One will see you later; the other will see you after awhile.
* * *
Trump has had to let another member of his cabinet go, this time for smoking weed and masterbating on the job. Details are still sketchy, but this one’s described as “a high wanking official”.
* * *
I’m not prejudiced... I like and respect all races. Except for marathons, that is... too many Africans.
* * *
Are you in retail? You ought to consider selling podiums! It’s a product you’ll have no problem standing behind!
* * *
Stay away from that oak tree. It looks kinda shady.
* * *
My roommate’s stealing my beer. I didn’t see him do it, but there was a full six-pack in the fridge last night and only two this morning. It’s a four-gone conclusion.
* * *
“Nice to meet you, friend! What do I call you?”
“You can call me Alpheus.”
“Alpheus! Now there’s a name you don’t hear every day!”
“Actually, I do.”
* * *
That pimp used to be a gardener. He’s had plenty of experience putting hoes in beds.
* * *
I used to be an advocate for necrophilia, bestiality and sadism, but finally gave it up. After awhile it became all too clear I was beating a dead horse.
* * *
M is for Monday. T is for Tuesday. That’s plenty; the rest of the work week is WTF.
* * *
Noah’s son was none too bright; he couldn’t understand why his dad didn’t build an aquarium into the ark to save all the fish.
* * *
Pornography’s almost always frowned upon. That’s what happens when you concentrate hard.
* * *
“In my eyes, gay sex is a sin!”
“Small wonder! If you’re getting it in the eyes, you’re doing it all wrong!”[/FONT]
