Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Patient: Doctor, kiss me!
Doctor: No, I can't.
Patient: Please! I'm begging you!
Doctor: No. It wouldn't be ethical.
Patient: I demand that you kiss me!
Doctor: For the last time, no! I shouldn't even be having sex with you!
I've had it with gravity! It's let me down for the last time!
I went BASE jumping with my girlfriend. Stupid of me... I should have used a parachute.
I don't worry about sky- diving. If anything goes wrong, I have the rest of my life to fix it.
Robber: Give me all your money!
Victim: You're going to regret this! I'm an important congressman!
Robber: Oh. Then give me all my money!
I was run over three times by the same damned bike! It's a cycle of violence!
My brother can be tough to get rid of. He constantly says goodbye, but never leaves... it's much adieu about nothing.
There's only one thing more Irish than eating potatoes: not eating potatoes.
My wife's salad's are as good as gold! She always adds 24 carrots.
My uncle was killed by an errant tennis ball. We hated to have to bury him, but it was a lovely service.
I discovered that I can carry any boat on my head, just by flipping it over. That makes it cap size.
The band Styx may go on tour with the Stones! That sure wood rock!
I bought myself a blowup pleasure doll the other day, a super life- like one. It's so realistic, it refuses to have sex with me.
On the moon, they build their homes out of cheese... cottage cheese, naturally.
My wife ran off with my best friend. God, how I miss him!
You can count on electricity flowing constantly, night and day. It's always current.
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
Bartender: Welcome, pal! You're famous! We have a drink named after you!
Grasshopper: No kidding! You actually have a drink named Ralph?
My mother disappeared during the Battle of Anzio. Mama MIA!
I had Irish bean soup for lunch. 239 beans, by count... a wise precaution. One extra bean would make it too farty.
Grandson: Grandpa, there's a suppository in your ear!
Grandpa: Damn! So that's what happened to my hearing aid!
I had no idea I was color blind! It came right out of the green!
Star Trek's Mr. Spock was famous for his ears. How many did he have?
Three: (1) the right ear; (2) the left ear; (3) the final front ear.
Doctor: No, I can't.
Patient: Please! I'm begging you!
Doctor: No. It wouldn't be ethical.
Patient: I demand that you kiss me!
Doctor: For the last time, no! I shouldn't even be having sex with you!
* * *
I've had it with gravity! It's let me down for the last time!
* * *
I went BASE jumping with my girlfriend. Stupid of me... I should have used a parachute.
* * *
I don't worry about sky- diving. If anything goes wrong, I have the rest of my life to fix it.
* * *
Robber: Give me all your money!
Victim: You're going to regret this! I'm an important congressman!
Robber: Oh. Then give me all my money!
* * *
I was run over three times by the same damned bike! It's a cycle of violence!
* * *
My brother can be tough to get rid of. He constantly says goodbye, but never leaves... it's much adieu about nothing.
* * *
There's only one thing more Irish than eating potatoes: not eating potatoes.
* * *
My wife's salad's are as good as gold! She always adds 24 carrots.
* * *
My uncle was killed by an errant tennis ball. We hated to have to bury him, but it was a lovely service.
* * *
I discovered that I can carry any boat on my head, just by flipping it over. That makes it cap size.
* * *
The band Styx may go on tour with the Stones! That sure wood rock!
* * *
I bought myself a blowup pleasure doll the other day, a super life- like one. It's so realistic, it refuses to have sex with me.
* * *
On the moon, they build their homes out of cheese... cottage cheese, naturally.
* * *
My wife ran off with my best friend. God, how I miss him!
* * *
You can count on electricity flowing constantly, night and day. It's always current.
* * *
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
Bartender: Welcome, pal! You're famous! We have a drink named after you!
Grasshopper: No kidding! You actually have a drink named Ralph?
* * *
My mother disappeared during the Battle of Anzio. Mama MIA!
* * *
I had Irish bean soup for lunch. 239 beans, by count... a wise precaution. One extra bean would make it too farty.
* * *
Grandson: Grandpa, there's a suppository in your ear!
Grandpa: Damn! So that's what happened to my hearing aid!
* * *
I had no idea I was color blind! It came right out of the green!
* * *
Star Trek's Mr. Spock was famous for his ears. How many did he have?
Three: (1) the right ear; (2) the left ear; (3) the final front ear.
Man I look forward to these every week. 
