Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My wife and I went to see a stage magician last night. His big trick was to take a mouse and turn it into a man-eating tiger. I wasn't particularly impressed... I'd already done that by getting married.
Noah must have been bored to death, stuck on that ark for 40 days... bet he was tempted to do some fishing to pass the time. You can see why that didn't happen, though... he only had two worms.
My blonde girlfriend bought 20 packages of steel wool. She plans to knit me a chainmail sweater.
It's not wise to crack jokes in front of an Autobot. You could be guilty of vehicular man's laughter.
There's a guy at work who reminds me a lot of Johnny Depp. He just won't shut up about the trial.
CHP billboard: "You take the drink... we provide the chaser!"
In my experience, women are a lot like condoms: they spend a hell of a lot more time in your wallet than they ever do on your dick.
Johnny must really love Amber. Even after all they've been through, he never stopped courting her.
I despise discrimination ; even so, I think that dyslexics should stay out of politics. To them, the solution to every problem is unclear.
Know the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas? Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song; Chick Peas can only hummus one.
I'll never forget the day my parents walked in on me masturbating. Those damn hedonists couldn't control themselves for a second!
Brunette: "My brother fell off his motorbike today. He has two broken legs, a twisted wrist and a bandage over his right eye."
Blonde: "Wow! No wonder he fell off!"
My wife and I would like to have kids one day. I doubt we could stand them any longer than that.
"How come your pool sign is misspelled?"
"As you see, it reads 'OOL'... without any 'P'. That's the way I want to keep it."
"If you're really worried about that kind of thing, I'm surprised you don't call it an 'L'."
My girlfriend's one in a million! Frankly, it's sad how few people are willing to spend time with me.
"Hey buddy, maybe you can help me out. How much do you usually spend on a good bottle of wine?"
"Around 10 minutes. I can finish off a flask of whisky in five."
Cousin Michael contracted testicular cancer and had to have them both removed. Apparently, the surgeon who did the operation is one of the best; Mike speaks very highly of him.
"I'm an important man in this town! On my job site, I have 500 people underneath me!"
"Cut the crap, Frank. You're a cemetery groundskeeper."
My self esteem is so low, when I have sex with my girlfriend I fantasize she's with someone else.
Q: What's the most expensive toilet on the market?
A: I don't know the exact brand, but it's very popular the Teacup Yorkies.
Johnny Depp claims that he never beat Amber. As expected, the verdict in the trial has proved him wrong.
Johnny hasn't taken the COVID vaccine and says that he'll never need to. After the verdict, he insists he's achieved Heard immunity.
* * *
Noah must have been bored to death, stuck on that ark for 40 days... bet he was tempted to do some fishing to pass the time. You can see why that didn't happen, though... he only had two worms.
* * *
My blonde girlfriend bought 20 packages of steel wool. She plans to knit me a chainmail sweater.
* * *
It's not wise to crack jokes in front of an Autobot. You could be guilty of vehicular man's laughter.
* * *
There's a guy at work who reminds me a lot of Johnny Depp. He just won't shut up about the trial.
* * *
CHP billboard: "You take the drink... we provide the chaser!"
* * *
In my experience, women are a lot like condoms: they spend a hell of a lot more time in your wallet than they ever do on your dick.
* * *
Johnny must really love Amber. Even after all they've been through, he never stopped courting her.
* * *
I despise discrimination ; even so, I think that dyslexics should stay out of politics. To them, the solution to every problem is unclear.
* * *
Know the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas? Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song; Chick Peas can only hummus one.
* * *
I'll never forget the day my parents walked in on me masturbating. Those damn hedonists couldn't control themselves for a second!
* * *
Brunette: "My brother fell off his motorbike today. He has two broken legs, a twisted wrist and a bandage over his right eye."
Blonde: "Wow! No wonder he fell off!"
* * *
My wife and I would like to have kids one day. I doubt we could stand them any longer than that.
* * *
"How come your pool sign is misspelled?"
"As you see, it reads 'OOL'... without any 'P'. That's the way I want to keep it."
"If you're really worried about that kind of thing, I'm surprised you don't call it an 'L'."
* * *
My girlfriend's one in a million! Frankly, it's sad how few people are willing to spend time with me.
* * *
"Hey buddy, maybe you can help me out. How much do you usually spend on a good bottle of wine?"
"Around 10 minutes. I can finish off a flask of whisky in five."
* * *
Cousin Michael contracted testicular cancer and had to have them both removed. Apparently, the surgeon who did the operation is one of the best; Mike speaks very highly of him.
* * *
"I'm an important man in this town! On my job site, I have 500 people underneath me!"
"Cut the crap, Frank. You're a cemetery groundskeeper."
* * *
My self esteem is so low, when I have sex with my girlfriend I fantasize she's with someone else.
* * *
Q: What's the most expensive toilet on the market?
A: I don't know the exact brand, but it's very popular the Teacup Yorkies.
* * *
Johnny Depp claims that he never beat Amber. As expected, the verdict in the trial has proved him wrong.
* * *
Johnny hasn't taken the COVID vaccine and says that he'll never need to. After the verdict, he insists he's achieved Heard immunity.
