Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
You'd think that athletes would have just one basic body type, but it can vary from person to person. This is sometimes referred to as a ballpark figure.
I'm never eating McNuggets again! You never know what kind of meat might be in them! Just this weekend, I visited a farm and got to talking with the guy who looks after the hens. He told me he was a chicken tender!
Belligerent cake to eating utensil: "C'mon forker! You want a piece a' me?"
I'd really like to see this new "Top Gun" movie with Tom Cruise, but I don't think it's going to happen. There's no way he'd accept my invitation.
When the Fab Four first started out, there were only three of them: John, Paul and George. At that time, they were known as the Beatless.
Last night, I went to see the movie, "The Monster That Ate the Interstate". Didn't like it very much, I'm afraid. In the end, the creature just got fed up and left... not enough tar tar sauce.
Cucumbers cost about $1.50 per pound; a 16 oz. jar of pickles can run you six bucks or better. The difference in price is due to the brine: dill waters run steep.
I don't want kids, so I did the responsible thing and got a vasectomy. I've been back from the hospital three days, and I must say I'm extremely disappointed... the little bastards are still here.
Most athletic Sith Lord: Darth Maul. Least athletic Sith Lord: Darth Ritis.
I recently spotted an albino Dalmatian out on the street. He feels a lot more normal now.
Customer: "My wife and I will have a Honeymoon Salad, please."
Waiter: "I've heard of Caesar Salad and Waldorf Salad, but I don't know Honeymoon Salad. How do you make it?"
Customer: "Just lettuce alone."
I drink 1% milk every morning. I know that recipes call for more, but I like my White Russians strong.
Advice for incontinent senior citizens who like swimming pools for exercise: remember to use the deep ends.
Mathematic books are teaching that the number 69 is now the number 96. It was to be expected... everyone knows that the value of eating out has gone up.
Archaeologists have begun working on newly discovered South American ruins; right off the bat, they unearthed an ancient stone tennis court. It was love at first site.
My daughter is old enough now to start eating cereal, so my wife told me to pick one. I decided on Cornflakes instead of Alpha-Bits... I don't want to start putting words in her mouth.
It's a little known fact, but gardeners are prone to taking their own lives. That's because the grass is always greener on the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road to a construction site?
A: She wanted to see a man lay bricks.
Gender identity may dominate headlines at the moment, but dwarfism is a growing problem.
People with dwarfism are a neglected sub-group and they shouldn't be! These folks are struggling to put food on the table!
My wife and I are an older couple and I wanted to set her mind at ease: I told her, if anything ever happened to me, she had my blessings to start looking for another man. Guess I should'a been more specific.. in her mind, "anything" happened when I got stuck in traffic.
Q: Mid term elections are coming up soon. How should candidates run if they truly wish to serve the public interest?
A: With scissors.
* * *
I'm never eating McNuggets again! You never know what kind of meat might be in them! Just this weekend, I visited a farm and got to talking with the guy who looks after the hens. He told me he was a chicken tender!
* * *
Belligerent cake to eating utensil: "C'mon forker! You want a piece a' me?"
* * *
I'd really like to see this new "Top Gun" movie with Tom Cruise, but I don't think it's going to happen. There's no way he'd accept my invitation.
* * *
When the Fab Four first started out, there were only three of them: John, Paul and George. At that time, they were known as the Beatless.
* * *
Last night, I went to see the movie, "The Monster That Ate the Interstate". Didn't like it very much, I'm afraid. In the end, the creature just got fed up and left... not enough tar tar sauce.
* * *
Cucumbers cost about $1.50 per pound; a 16 oz. jar of pickles can run you six bucks or better. The difference in price is due to the brine: dill waters run steep.
* * *
I don't want kids, so I did the responsible thing and got a vasectomy. I've been back from the hospital three days, and I must say I'm extremely disappointed... the little bastards are still here.
* * *
Most athletic Sith Lord: Darth Maul. Least athletic Sith Lord: Darth Ritis.
* * *
I recently spotted an albino Dalmatian out on the street. He feels a lot more normal now.
* * *
Customer: "My wife and I will have a Honeymoon Salad, please."
Waiter: "I've heard of Caesar Salad and Waldorf Salad, but I don't know Honeymoon Salad. How do you make it?"
Customer: "Just lettuce alone."
* * *
I drink 1% milk every morning. I know that recipes call for more, but I like my White Russians strong.
* * *
Advice for incontinent senior citizens who like swimming pools for exercise: remember to use the deep ends.
* * *
Mathematic books are teaching that the number 69 is now the number 96. It was to be expected... everyone knows that the value of eating out has gone up.
* * *
Archaeologists have begun working on newly discovered South American ruins; right off the bat, they unearthed an ancient stone tennis court. It was love at first site.
* * *
My daughter is old enough now to start eating cereal, so my wife told me to pick one. I decided on Cornflakes instead of Alpha-Bits... I don't want to start putting words in her mouth.
* * *
It's a little known fact, but gardeners are prone to taking their own lives. That's because the grass is always greener on the other side.
* * *
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road to a construction site?
A: She wanted to see a man lay bricks.
* * *
Gender identity may dominate headlines at the moment, but dwarfism is a growing problem.
* * *
People with dwarfism are a neglected sub-group and they shouldn't be! These folks are struggling to put food on the table!
* * *
My wife and I are an older couple and I wanted to set her mind at ease: I told her, if anything ever happened to me, she had my blessings to start looking for another man. Guess I should'a been more specific.. in her mind, "anything" happened when I got stuck in traffic.
* * *
Q: Mid term elections are coming up soon. How should candidates run if they truly wish to serve the public interest?
A: With scissors.
