Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I was deeply upset when my wife walked out. I'd torched the house so carefully.
6 is deathly afraid of 7. He just learned the 7 is a registered 6 offender.
My friends and I experimented sexually when we were in high school. It wasn't as much fun as it sounds... I was in the control group.
288 passengers were ground to pieces when an airliner crashed into Mt. McKinley. That's two gross!
Teenagers can be awfully shallow; they're so eager to impress you with their clothing. Take my daughter... she always begs for clothes whenever someone comes to the door.
The difference between a camel and a college student? A camel can go a full day without drinking.
An eagle is winging his way through the sky when he happens to spot a mouse. Quick as a flash he sweeps down, swallows the rodent whole then soars back into the clouds.
The poor mouse, not wishing to be digested, scampers around through the eagle's insides until he reaches the anus. He pokes his head out, but is aghast to see the ground so far below.
"Hey, pal," he squeaks in alarm, "just how high up are we?"
"Half a mile!" the eagle states proudly.
"Half a mile?!" the mouse gasps, wide-eyed. "You... you wouldn't shit a guy, would you?"
When my wife and I got stranded on a deserted island, she was able to construct an animal snare from her bra. It was the first time I'd seen a real booby trap.
Researchers report that dolphins are the most intelligent animals on Earth after man. Seems pretty unfair to all the women.
Yesterday I was washing the car with my son. I really need to break down and buy a sponge.
My next door neighbor pretends to have kids even though he isn't a father. He's committing a faux pa.
Strange double standard... if a girl has sex with lots of men, she's considered a slut. But if a guy does the exact same thing, what do they call him? Gay.
I only buy recycled items. My wife's coat used to be a leopard.
It's odd but true; a bullet only does its job after it's been fired.
Must be a drought in Germany; I hear that every third reservoir is dry.
"Gotta get me a new car. My turn signals only work half the time."
"Everyone's do. They're supposed to blink, you know."
As an experiment, I stuck my pet monkey in the microwave. The result?... Rhesus pieces.
"Turn down the volume on your stereo! You're disturbing the whole neighborhood!"
"That's sound advice."
My cousin spent most of his life in prison for burglary and assault. After he died, he was buried under 20 feet of earth; deep down, he isn't such a bad person.
The city of Pisa has considered turning the Leaning Tower into a clock tower. There's no point having the inclination if you don't have the time.
I didn't notice right away that I was going bald. All I knew was that it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.
President Trump must smell rank! I understand he can't stop pootin'.
* * *
6 is deathly afraid of 7. He just learned the 7 is a registered 6 offender.
* * *
My friends and I experimented sexually when we were in high school. It wasn't as much fun as it sounds... I was in the control group.
* * *
288 passengers were ground to pieces when an airliner crashed into Mt. McKinley. That's two gross!
* * *
Teenagers can be awfully shallow; they're so eager to impress you with their clothing. Take my daughter... she always begs for clothes whenever someone comes to the door.
* * *
The difference between a camel and a college student? A camel can go a full day without drinking.
* * *
An eagle is winging his way through the sky when he happens to spot a mouse. Quick as a flash he sweeps down, swallows the rodent whole then soars back into the clouds.
The poor mouse, not wishing to be digested, scampers around through the eagle's insides until he reaches the anus. He pokes his head out, but is aghast to see the ground so far below.
"Hey, pal," he squeaks in alarm, "just how high up are we?"
"Half a mile!" the eagle states proudly.
"Half a mile?!" the mouse gasps, wide-eyed. "You... you wouldn't shit a guy, would you?"
* * *
When my wife and I got stranded on a deserted island, she was able to construct an animal snare from her bra. It was the first time I'd seen a real booby trap.
* * *
Researchers report that dolphins are the most intelligent animals on Earth after man. Seems pretty unfair to all the women.
* * *
Yesterday I was washing the car with my son. I really need to break down and buy a sponge.
* * *
My next door neighbor pretends to have kids even though he isn't a father. He's committing a faux pa.
* * *
Strange double standard... if a girl has sex with lots of men, she's considered a slut. But if a guy does the exact same thing, what do they call him? Gay.
* * *
I only buy recycled items. My wife's coat used to be a leopard.
* * *
It's odd but true; a bullet only does its job after it's been fired.
* * *
Must be a drought in Germany; I hear that every third reservoir is dry.
* * *
"Gotta get me a new car. My turn signals only work half the time."
"Everyone's do. They're supposed to blink, you know."
* * *
As an experiment, I stuck my pet monkey in the microwave. The result?... Rhesus pieces.
* * *
"Turn down the volume on your stereo! You're disturbing the whole neighborhood!"
"That's sound advice."
* * *
My cousin spent most of his life in prison for burglary and assault. After he died, he was buried under 20 feet of earth; deep down, he isn't such a bad person.
* * *
The city of Pisa has considered turning the Leaning Tower into a clock tower. There's no point having the inclination if you don't have the time.
* * *
I didn't notice right away that I was going bald. All I knew was that it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.
* * *
President Trump must smell rank! I understand he can't stop pootin'.
