Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does apple juice do for you?
Sorry... that's in-cider information.
I married my new wife without divorcing my old one. I thought wife #2 would be upset about it, but just the opposite! She considers it big a' me!
Artist: Well, what do you think of my latest work?
Critic: Do you want my honest opinion?
Artist: Of course!
Critic: I'm afraid it's worthless.
Artist: I know, but tell my anyway.
To the inconsiderate jerks next-door who insist on screaming at each other at the top of their lungs: would it kill you to include a little backstory?
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
Number 10 has been traumatized ever since it found itself in the middle of 9/11.
Hey, I can keep a secret! It's the people I tell who are blabbermouths!
Taking a nap once a day can help prevent senility. Particularly if you take it while you're driving.
Wanna learn a great exercise for taking off weight? First, turn your head to the left. Then rotate it firmly to the right. Repeat frequently and vigorously every time anyone offers you food.
Gunfire was reported at a track and field event. I understand it was race related.
Why were the Star Wars films made out of order?
In charge of continuity Yoda was.
I discovered a foolproof plan to quit biting my fingernails: I've stopped using toilet paper.
ISIS refuses to bomb Wal-Mart. They don't consider it a viable Target.
Finally, I'm gonna realize my longstanding ambition of visiting a nudist colony! Am I ready? Heck, I was born ready!
What had 90 balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo!
A snail bought himself a fancy French sports car with plenty of get-up. The first thing he did to it was paint a big, bold capital "S" on each door. He was eager for spectators to say as he zoomed past, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
You haven't gotten fat, dear. You're just... easier to see.
That Nazi comes from San Francisco. He's one of the Bay Aryans.
The grass is always greener on someone else's lawn. Be thankful you don't have to mow it.
Lice are becoming mysteriously resistant to preventive medication. The problem has researchers scratching their heads.
The algebra of relationships: you stare at your X and wonder Y.
Hillary Clinton would be the first f president elected in the US.
Sorry... that was supposed to read "female president". The "emale" got deleted.
Sorry... that's in-cider information.
* * *
I married my new wife without divorcing my old one. I thought wife #2 would be upset about it, but just the opposite! She considers it big a' me!
* * *
|Artist: Well, what do you think of my latest work?
Critic: Do you want my honest opinion?
Artist: Of course!
Critic: I'm afraid it's worthless.
Artist: I know, but tell my anyway.
* * *
To the inconsiderate jerks next-door who insist on screaming at each other at the top of their lungs: would it kill you to include a little backstory?
* * *
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
* * *
Number 10 has been traumatized ever since it found itself in the middle of 9/11.
* * *
Hey, I can keep a secret! It's the people I tell who are blabbermouths!
* * *
Taking a nap once a day can help prevent senility. Particularly if you take it while you're driving.
* * *
Wanna learn a great exercise for taking off weight? First, turn your head to the left. Then rotate it firmly to the right. Repeat frequently and vigorously every time anyone offers you food.
* * *
Gunfire was reported at a track and field event. I understand it was race related.
* * *
Why were the Star Wars films made out of order?
In charge of continuity Yoda was.
* * *
I discovered a foolproof plan to quit biting my fingernails: I've stopped using toilet paper.
* * *
ISIS refuses to bomb Wal-Mart. They don't consider it a viable Target.
* * *
Finally, I'm gonna realize my longstanding ambition of visiting a nudist colony! Am I ready? Heck, I was born ready!
* * *
What had 90 balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo!
* * *
A snail bought himself a fancy French sports car with plenty of get-up. The first thing he did to it was paint a big, bold capital "S" on each door. He was eager for spectators to say as he zoomed past, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
* * *
You haven't gotten fat, dear. You're just... easier to see.
* * *
That Nazi comes from San Francisco. He's one of the Bay Aryans.
* * *
The grass is always greener on someone else's lawn. Be thankful you don't have to mow it.
* * *
Lice are becoming mysteriously resistant to preventive medication. The problem has researchers scratching their heads.
* * *
The algebra of relationships: you stare at your X and wonder Y.
* * *
Hillary Clinton would be the first f president elected in the US.
Sorry... that was supposed to read "female president". The "emale" got deleted.
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