Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I'm starting up a new Youtube sports site and for my first posting I'm gonna run footage of the Ali/Frazier fight backwards. I've heard that unboxing videos are extremely popular.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. You don't have to cut through all those pesky ribs.
I've found a great recipe for making extra virgin olive oil. The first ingredient is a bushel of extra-ugly olives.
Jeffrey Epstein could have had a great pro baseball career. Unfortunately, he expressed no interest in leaving the minors.
I have a chest freezer down in the basement. Which is too bad... means I'll have to bury the head, arms and legs.
Ever put a chameleon in your smoothie? They really blend in well.
My sister's dating an 80 year of geezer with diabetes. I always knew she'd end up with a sugar daddy.
I just spent 1000 dollars on a set of suitcases with sophisticated AI installed; they're supposed to be able to communicate with airport workers so they never get lost or miss-sent. These "smart bags" were really eager to get to work... now, thanks to COVID quarantine, I won't be traveling anywhere for quite awhile. Needless to say, that's caused quite a bit of consternation... I'm having to deal with all this emotional baggage.
There are 12 kids in my household and only one bathroom in my house. It causes a lot of friction when they line up in the morning to urinate; it's a real struggle for them to hold it in long enough. Well I can't be mopping up all the time... I tell them repeatedly they better mind their pees in queues.
My wife's cooking is fit for a king! I prove that every evening when you can hear me calling out, "Here King! Here King!"
A couple of hipsters have moved in next door. Actually, they prefer to call themselves "conjoined twins".
You should have seen me gawk at the famous tower in France! It's a real Eiffel!
I just read that "Revenge is a dish best served cold". Damn! All this time I thought that was gazpacho!
According to the Bible, Jesus fed 5,000 people with just two fish. Holy mackerel!
Youngsters are always nervous about the onset of puberty. It's a hairy time for everyone.
The job title "mailman" will soon be changed to something more gender neutral. The approved term is going to be "personman".
My wife sent a Dear John letter while I was out on maneuvers. Gotta love that woman! She and I are so proud of the way she keeps our bathroom!
First pedestrian: "Pardon me for tapping your shoulder. I thought you were somebody else."
Second pedestrian: "Turns out your were right."
My bratty son yanked the wicks out of my stash of sky-rockets, effectively ruining our 4th of July celebration. My wife told me to do to fix the situation... I refused two.
Q: Why do Italian chefs add so much dressing to their food?
A: Because it contains so many nudeles.
When the judge sentenced my girlfriend to life in prison, I immediately started checking into conjugal visits. I've always been interested in a long-term relationship.
It angers me when I hear someone say that women don't know how to drive. That's nonsense! My wife's been driving me crazy for years!
* * *
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. You don't have to cut through all those pesky ribs.
* * *
I've found a great recipe for making extra virgin olive oil. The first ingredient is a bushel of extra-ugly olives.
* * *
Jeffrey Epstein could have had a great pro baseball career. Unfortunately, he expressed no interest in leaving the minors.
* * *
I have a chest freezer down in the basement. Which is too bad... means I'll have to bury the head, arms and legs.
* * *
Ever put a chameleon in your smoothie? They really blend in well.
* * *
My sister's dating an 80 year of geezer with diabetes. I always knew she'd end up with a sugar daddy.
* * *
I just spent 1000 dollars on a set of suitcases with sophisticated AI installed; they're supposed to be able to communicate with airport workers so they never get lost or miss-sent. These "smart bags" were really eager to get to work... now, thanks to COVID quarantine, I won't be traveling anywhere for quite awhile. Needless to say, that's caused quite a bit of consternation... I'm having to deal with all this emotional baggage.
* * *
There are 12 kids in my household and only one bathroom in my house. It causes a lot of friction when they line up in the morning to urinate; it's a real struggle for them to hold it in long enough. Well I can't be mopping up all the time... I tell them repeatedly they better mind their pees in queues.
* * *
My wife's cooking is fit for a king! I prove that every evening when you can hear me calling out, "Here King! Here King!"
* * *
A couple of hipsters have moved in next door. Actually, they prefer to call themselves "conjoined twins".
* * *
You should have seen me gawk at the famous tower in France! It's a real Eiffel!
* * *
I just read that "Revenge is a dish best served cold". Damn! All this time I thought that was gazpacho!
* * *
According to the Bible, Jesus fed 5,000 people with just two fish. Holy mackerel!
* * *
Youngsters are always nervous about the onset of puberty. It's a hairy time for everyone.
* * *
The job title "mailman" will soon be changed to something more gender neutral. The approved term is going to be "personman".
* * *
My wife sent a Dear John letter while I was out on maneuvers. Gotta love that woman! She and I are so proud of the way she keeps our bathroom!
* * *
First pedestrian: "Pardon me for tapping your shoulder. I thought you were somebody else."
Second pedestrian: "Turns out your were right."
* * *
My bratty son yanked the wicks out of my stash of sky-rockets, effectively ruining our 4th of July celebration. My wife told me to do to fix the situation... I refused two.
* * *
Q: Why do Italian chefs add so much dressing to their food?
A: Because it contains so many nudeles.
* * *
When the judge sentenced my girlfriend to life in prison, I immediately started checking into conjugal visits. I've always been interested in a long-term relationship.
* * *
It angers me when I hear someone say that women don't know how to drive. That's nonsense! My wife's been driving me crazy for years!
