Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
The doctor had me do a swallow test and he must have expected terrible results. When his nurse asked what was needed, he told her, "Just bury 'im."
Summer's Eve is branching out; they've created a product expressly for men. It's called Umpire... it's good at detecting foul balls.
I've dated plenty of chicks lately. It's pretty easy, really... most of them had just been hatched.
The gallery is serving cabbage rolls and bean dip during its new display of expressionist paintings. I don't think I'll go... it sounds artsy-fartsy to me.
My dog is hi-tech... he has collar ID.
A detective came to my house to ask me, "Where were you between 5 and 6?"
So, I told him the truth: in kindergarten.
Richard the 1st brought something revolutionary back from the Holy Land... a pet named Simba, which he decked out completely in a suit of metal armor. It was the world's first fe-lion.
Burger King has formed an alliance with the Sultan of French Fries. The latter is a foreign potentato.
Ahab tried and tried to figure out the enigma of Moby Dick. In the end, he was stumped.
I get annoyed as hell every time I have to put on my work clothes. I'm a cross dresser.
Surgeon: "David, this is a very simple operation. Nothing to be nervous or upset about."
Patient: "My name's not David, Doctor. It's Alex."
Surgeon: "I know that. My name is David."
To increase ridership, the railway industry has decided to feature stand-up comedians on express lines. Just what every funnyman wants... a laugh track.
I'll probably die the day before marijuana becomes completely legal in the US. If that happens, I'll be rolling in my grave.
I hate French restaurants! They give me the crepes!
Activists are gearing up to raid Area 51. Fools! They won't find any aliens there! Trump already deported 'em!
Q: Why did NASA send astronauts to the moon in space capsules?
A: Because it was too far to walk.
Teacher: "Which came first? The chicken or the egg?"
Little Johnny: "I'm pretty sure the rooster came first."
I just attended my first cricket match. Those bugs can jump a lot farther than I thought!
Reeses has created a new Peanut Butter Cup that's four times the size of an ordinary one. They're calling it the Peanut Butter Quart.
I've read the Columbine manifesto, and frankly and can't make heads or tails of it. But it was probably aimed at a much younger crowd.
Our high school's so tough they have a guard at the gate checking for weapons. I hope it'll be enough; he only gave me a pair of brass knuckles.
Did you know that gerbils die during the sex act? Evidently they suffocate.
* * *
Summer's Eve is branching out; they've created a product expressly for men. It's called Umpire... it's good at detecting foul balls.
* * *
I've dated plenty of chicks lately. It's pretty easy, really... most of them had just been hatched.
* * *
The gallery is serving cabbage rolls and bean dip during its new display of expressionist paintings. I don't think I'll go... it sounds artsy-fartsy to me.
* * *
My dog is hi-tech... he has collar ID.
* * *
A detective came to my house to ask me, "Where were you between 5 and 6?"
So, I told him the truth: in kindergarten.
* * *
Richard the 1st brought something revolutionary back from the Holy Land... a pet named Simba, which he decked out completely in a suit of metal armor. It was the world's first fe-lion.
* * *
Burger King has formed an alliance with the Sultan of French Fries. The latter is a foreign potentato.
* * *
Ahab tried and tried to figure out the enigma of Moby Dick. In the end, he was stumped.
* * *
I get annoyed as hell every time I have to put on my work clothes. I'm a cross dresser.
* * *
Surgeon: "David, this is a very simple operation. Nothing to be nervous or upset about."
Patient: "My name's not David, Doctor. It's Alex."
Surgeon: "I know that. My name is David."
* * *
To increase ridership, the railway industry has decided to feature stand-up comedians on express lines. Just what every funnyman wants... a laugh track.
* * *
I'll probably die the day before marijuana becomes completely legal in the US. If that happens, I'll be rolling in my grave.
* * *
I hate French restaurants! They give me the crepes!
* * *
Activists are gearing up to raid Area 51. Fools! They won't find any aliens there! Trump already deported 'em!
* * *
Q: Why did NASA send astronauts to the moon in space capsules?
A: Because it was too far to walk.
* * *
Teacher: "Which came first? The chicken or the egg?"
Little Johnny: "I'm pretty sure the rooster came first."
* * *
I just attended my first cricket match. Those bugs can jump a lot farther than I thought!
* * *
Reeses has created a new Peanut Butter Cup that's four times the size of an ordinary one. They're calling it the Peanut Butter Quart.
* * *
I've read the Columbine manifesto, and frankly and can't make heads or tails of it. But it was probably aimed at a much younger crowd.
* * *
Our high school's so tough they have a guard at the gate checking for weapons. I hope it'll be enough; he only gave me a pair of brass knuckles.
* * *
Did you know that gerbils die during the sex act? Evidently they suffocate.
