Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
From Rdhd, with thanks!...
Boy: Mom, can I have a dollar? I've been good all week.
Mother: A whole dollar, just for being good? Why can't you be like your father? He's good for nothing.
I just happened to notice... "seven" contains the word "even". Isn't that odd!
An empty beer cup fell off the table. That can happen once you're drunk.
My car returned from the shop covered with black and white squares. I'd taken it in to get it checked.
You really have to hand it to Peter Dinklage! He's too short to reach it himself.
An older couple are lying side by side in bed.
She: Husband... how did you feel about me when we first met?
He: I was so hot for you, I wanted to ball you brainless and suck your titties dry.
She: And how do you feel now?
He: Like I did too good a job.
I just met a guy who claims he was born without an anus. I suspect he's full of shit.
Strippers rarely carry any kind of insurance... I'm sure you've noticed their lack of coverage.
I'm not at all interested in seeing the movie "An Inconvenient Truth". I hear there's too much gore.
Two towers were standing side by side. One of them said, "I won't be here long. I have to catch a plane."
What would The Beatles have been without Ringo?
The Beatless.
I happened to see a robbery at an Apple retailer. Prosecutors are calling me as an iWitness.
He committed the crime, but she ended up in prison. They had a knack for finishing each other's sentences.
I stepped on a nail yesterday. Might have avoided it, but I didn't see the point.
A fly buzzes into a bar. He notices a guy exiting the john and says, "Hey, Stan, mind if I take your stool?"
I'd just sat down in a public restroom, when a voice came from the stall alongside mine.
He: Hi! How are you?
Me: Uhhh... just fine, thanks.
He: So, what are you up to?
Me: Huh? Same as you, of course.
He: Mind if I come on over?
Me: What?! I certainly do mind! What kind of creep are you?
He: Look, I'll have call you back. The clown next to me just won't shut up.
My friend tells this story about the ball his dog brought back from a neighboring town. I've always found it far fetched.
Professor X has been performing so many wheelies in his X chair, folks are starting to call him Professor +.
I have a pet salamander. I've named him Tiny because he's my newt.
Have you heard about the European version of Paul Revere? He rides from town to town, proclaiming: "The British are leaving! The British are leaving!"
I used to listen exclusively to baroque music. Now I think outside the Bachs.
My dog just chased after a kid on a bike. If I'd known he'd start doing that, I never would have bought him the damned thing.
Daughter: You old fogeys and your dinosaur rock! Jim Morrison was a lush and a loser!
Father: Young lady, you will not slam The Doors in this house!
Boy: Mom, can I have a dollar? I've been good all week.
Mother: A whole dollar, just for being good? Why can't you be like your father? He's good for nothing.
* * *
I just happened to notice... "seven" contains the word "even". Isn't that odd!
* * *
An empty beer cup fell off the table. That can happen once you're drunk.
* * *
My car returned from the shop covered with black and white squares. I'd taken it in to get it checked.
* * *
You really have to hand it to Peter Dinklage! He's too short to reach it himself.
* * *
An older couple are lying side by side in bed.
She: Husband... how did you feel about me when we first met?
He: I was so hot for you, I wanted to ball you brainless and suck your titties dry.
She: And how do you feel now?
He: Like I did too good a job.
* * *
I just met a guy who claims he was born without an anus. I suspect he's full of shit.
* * *
Strippers rarely carry any kind of insurance... I'm sure you've noticed their lack of coverage.
* * *
I'm not at all interested in seeing the movie "An Inconvenient Truth". I hear there's too much gore.
* * *
Two towers were standing side by side. One of them said, "I won't be here long. I have to catch a plane."
* * *
What would The Beatles have been without Ringo?
The Beatless.
* * *
I happened to see a robbery at an Apple retailer. Prosecutors are calling me as an iWitness.
* * *
He committed the crime, but she ended up in prison. They had a knack for finishing each other's sentences.
* * *
I stepped on a nail yesterday. Might have avoided it, but I didn't see the point.
* * *
A fly buzzes into a bar. He notices a guy exiting the john and says, "Hey, Stan, mind if I take your stool?"
* * *
I'd just sat down in a public restroom, when a voice came from the stall alongside mine.
He: Hi! How are you?
Me: Uhhh... just fine, thanks.
He: So, what are you up to?
Me: Huh? Same as you, of course.
He: Mind if I come on over?
Me: What?! I certainly do mind! What kind of creep are you?
He: Look, I'll have call you back. The clown next to me just won't shut up.
* * *
My friend tells this story about the ball his dog brought back from a neighboring town. I've always found it far fetched.
* * *
Professor X has been performing so many wheelies in his X chair, folks are starting to call him Professor +.
* * *
I have a pet salamander. I've named him Tiny because he's my newt.
* * *
Have you heard about the European version of Paul Revere? He rides from town to town, proclaiming: "The British are leaving! The British are leaving!"
* * *
I used to listen exclusively to baroque music. Now I think outside the Bachs.
* * *
My dog just chased after a kid on a bike. If I'd known he'd start doing that, I never would have bought him the damned thing.
* * *
Daughter: You old fogeys and your dinosaur rock! Jim Morrison was a lush and a loser!
Father: Young lady, you will not slam The Doors in this house!
